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Original poster

What relationship do you have with your cousins?

202 replies

potentiallyoutting · 27/05/2020 16:01

I feel very neutral towards my cousins - don’t want no harm to come to them but I don’t feel the family bond.

My mum was the youngest of four and the only girl. Two lots of cousins were raised away from the family - one because their dad died young and they moved back to their mums area - essentially zero contact until recently (they’re in their 30s) and the other set were raised by their mum as their parents separated (never saw them until recently - they sometimes popped to my grandparents once a year but we never had any form of a bond apart from the occasional ‘hi’).

A couple of the cousins have hurt me and to be honest we’re all such different people with different values.

I’ve been asked quite a few favours off a few (money/do errands/use my house as storage/babysitting/get information about other people) and I just feel like I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again - I’d be more inclined to lend money to a friend than someone that I just share a bit of blood and grandparents with.

Anyone else feel a bit ‘meh’(we all live in the same area so it’s hard to avoid them and maybe just include them on the Christmas card list).

I get invited to christenings/weddings/BBQ and I feel like I need a decent excuse not just ‘I don’t want to be your friend pretend I don’t exist’.

Is there end in sight - anyone palmed them off enough that it’s just pleasantries if you bump into them?

OP posts:
lljkk · 27/05/2020 19:22

DH has a cousin who asks for money. It's weird.
He's quite fond of the other 7 first cousins he has.

I lose count but I think I have about 30 first cousins. I try to keep track of each and everyone & none of them has been annoying to me.
They range in age from 19 to 71 yo, (I am 52) so I don't know them all well. I still try to maintain contact.

crazycatgal · 27/05/2020 19:25

I don't have a relationship with any of them. My DM is the youngest of 7 children and I have lots of cousins.

They are all at least 10 years older than me and they aren't my kind of people and they don't have the same values as me.

youresodesperatetobedifferent · 27/05/2020 19:26

Done really ever see them now that we’re older. Did see each other as kids when visiting grandparents at the same time and we had parties at Christmas etc.

I’m a bit of a black sheep - have gone down a completely different path and am not in the same league as them so I have massively distanced myself from them all.

Cattenberg · 27/05/2020 19:29

I have 11 first cousins. Nearly all of them are older than me and most have partners and children. I see some of them at occasional family gatherings but there are a few I haven’t seen for several years. I like them, but I can’t really say that we’re close.

crazycatlady7 · 27/05/2020 19:32

I'm extremely close to my cousins on my mothers side.

7 of us were born in the same 5yrs and the other 5 born over the next 19 yrs.... I'm closest to the ones born within 8yrs of me- I'm the eldest. Our children play together, love each other as cousins. My cousins kids say that their mum and I are more like sisters than cousins.... which is true in a way- we spent so much time together as children. When I had my son she was our first visitor and only in hospital. I couldn't imagine not being close, and we pretty much talk every day now.

lyralalala · 27/05/2020 19:34

Mixed. One of my cousins is my best friend. Others I don't know well or see.

DH has 70 odd cousins, it's madness (PIL were 1 of 15 and 1 of 10 siblings). Two are so close they are basically like BIL's to me, lots are very close and some not so much..

Roselilly36 · 27/05/2020 19:37

I love my cousin, she is one of the first person I turn too. Always supportive, I just wish we lived closer.

cleanasawhistle · 27/05/2020 19:45

I have loads of cousins.
Don't know who most of them are.
I am in touch with two on a regular basis, they live miles away so only see them once a year.
Two cousins live very close by.
When they heard I had cancer they both sent me a friend request on FB but neither ever commented on my Timeline ever.
They added my sister also,whatever she added on FB they would comment or like ......even pictures of her cats Confused

Dogsovercats · 27/05/2020 19:49

None with my own. My mum was the only sibling who moved from Canada to the UK, so we saw them once a year at most.

Funnily enough though, DP 2 cousins and aunt and uncle live down the road and their relationship is amazing, more like siblings so they have all become good friends. It's nice but I think my mum is a bit jealous, but she's moved country again so what can you do!

Gingerkittykat · 27/05/2020 19:55

I had 19 first cousins on my dad's side, one died so I have 18 left. Me and my sister were the babies of that generation with a 20 year gap between the youngest and oldest, and the oldest has 2 kids the same age as me and my sister.

I have an exceptionally close relationship with four of them, the three women who live around half an hour away are some of my closest friends who I see regularly. The man who lives in Germany I talk to regularly and see him approximately once a year.

There are some I talk to and see occasionally and the two who live in American I've only met once each and feel no bond at all with them.

TroysMammy · 27/05/2020 19:56

Sadly we only meet up at funerals but we get on. I had 30 cousins all older than me at 52 and apart from 3 families all lived local to each other. The oldest cousin is 74. My sister is the youngest at 50 and we were too young to join in any shenanigans as most of them had settled down with families of their own when we were children. It's great listening to the stories of what they got up to and especially about our Grandmother who died when I was 5.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 27/05/2020 19:57

I have loads of cousins. Was close to a few of them when we were younger but only because our mums were so close. Hardly see each other now and have never been close to the rest of them.

Snaleandthewhail · 27/05/2020 20:01

My aunt stopped speaking to my mum 20 years ago, and I haven’t seen two of my cousins since a grandparent‘a funeral 17 years ago. They didn’t come to the other grandparent’s funeral. I’m sad, despite not seeing each other til we were early teens as they lived overseas, but we were friends as teenagers.

My other cousin is much younger than me - next generation. We live a long way away but I see him when I can but it’s a different sort of relationship.

My husband hadn’t seen his cousins for years when one died in her thirties. All of them attended her funeral and there have been annual meet ups since.

BeingonFBdoesntmakeittrue · 27/05/2020 20:04

Some I barely know due to distance and my Dads family not being close to each other anyway.

A few I know better on my Mums side but only see at weddings/funerals.

One (he's male and i'm female) we were close as kids but lost touch for over 10 years then reunited and have been close again for the past few years. I really, really value our relationship and think it's made the wider family closer tbh. I consider his DC (and his new GDC, we're both in our 40s) to be more like my neices/nephews and not second cousins or whatever my cousins children are to me!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 27/05/2020 20:05

We are friends on Facebook. My mum has 2 full siblings and then 2 half so we're really spread in age. There are a bunch of us with a 4 year spread (I'm the youngest of those and the only girl). Then a 7 year gap to the next one and finally the youngest was born another 8 years later. So my oldest cousin was 19 when the youngest arrived.

On top of that I spent most of my childhood abroad and now we're spread across multiple countries.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 27/05/2020 20:07

Mixed bag really. I have 27 cousins on my dad's side (Catholic family) I am pretty close to 5 of them and see them regularly. As a family (aunts uncles cousins etc) we get together two or three times a year and then in recent years more frequently for weddings and christenings. We are all spread across the world. But my dad and his siblings are all very close and that has created a bond between us cousins.

On my mums side I'm one of 8, don't really see or speak to them much, but then I'm considerably older than everyone else.

SneakersandSocks · 27/05/2020 20:08

I only have two cousins, they are 10 and 14 years older and we’ve seen each other maybe twice in the last 20 years! We have never been close, I know very little about them. It’s strange because I myself am from a large family and have lots of nieces and nephews, who are obviously cousins and they are very close. Hopefully my own DC will be close to them too.

Inoneminute · 27/05/2020 20:08

I wouldn't recognise them if I bumped into them in the street.

DF is one of five brothers, so there are a lot of them. TBH I doubt I could name them all.

VerbenaGirl · 27/05/2020 20:10

Some nice childhood memories, but now pretty much Facebook and funerals.

icansmellburningleaves · 27/05/2020 20:12

None. I’ve never met them. I’m in my fifties now.

missingmum · 27/05/2020 20:17

Like a big sister, grew up together as our mums were identical twins, aunt (mums surviving twin) although identical to my mum is completely opposite personality and my cousins were closer to my late mum.

Aim to encourage same relationships with my dc and brothers dc.

rattusrattus20 · 27/05/2020 20:20

It's nice to see them when I do, but really [with weddings & christenings likely done now] it's at funerals, maybe the very odd 'big birthday' bash, etc.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 27/05/2020 20:24

One side of the family non existent. The other side we do see each other occasionally but for geographic reasons more than anything. But when we do see each other we get on like a house on fire

AdaFromYorkshire · 27/05/2020 20:27

None. Some Christmasses I get a card from one and might send one back the following year. Haven't seen any of them for over 40 years and can't remember all their names. My brother possibly knows what they are all called. DH's are mostly dead but he was close to some of them.

hotstepper4 · 27/05/2020 20:30

I have 19 cousins.

Occasionally comment on Facebook photos that two of them post.

One of them I see a couple of times a year when I do something with his dd11.

The other 16 I have absolutely nothing to do with and wouldn't recognise if I passed them in the street.

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