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Original poster

What relationship do you have with your cousins?

202 replies

potentiallyoutting · 27/05/2020 16:01

I feel very neutral towards my cousins - don’t want no harm to come to them but I don’t feel the family bond.

My mum was the youngest of four and the only girl. Two lots of cousins were raised away from the family - one because their dad died young and they moved back to their mums area - essentially zero contact until recently (they’re in their 30s) and the other set were raised by their mum as their parents separated (never saw them until recently - they sometimes popped to my grandparents once a year but we never had any form of a bond apart from the occasional ‘hi’).

A couple of the cousins have hurt me and to be honest we’re all such different people with different values.

I’ve been asked quite a few favours off a few (money/do errands/use my house as storage/babysitting/get information about other people) and I just feel like I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again - I’d be more inclined to lend money to a friend than someone that I just share a bit of blood and grandparents with.

Anyone else feel a bit ‘meh’(we all live in the same area so it’s hard to avoid them and maybe just include them on the Christmas card list).

I get invited to christenings/weddings/BBQ and I feel like I need a decent excuse not just ‘I don’t want to be your friend pretend I don’t exist’.

Is there end in sight - anyone palmed them off enough that it’s just pleasantries if you bump into them?

OP posts:
doughnutmuffin · 27/05/2020 17:18

Very little, only see them maybe a once a year, DG birthday or some other celebration. I actually wish my DM and Auntie would just let it go rather than trying to force any relationships that never really happened. Auntie would be very loud and not my type of person, DM can be a pushover and I think they only make an effort because they're sister, if not related they'd never be friends, same applies to myself and my cousins

sucha · 27/05/2020 17:18

Just fb, we live mostly far apart

1forsorrow · 27/05/2020 17:18

I don't see any of them, I've got loads 20 something I think, haven't seen or heard from them in years. Two of them keep sending me Christmas cards, I've ignored them for 20 years in the hope they will cross me off the list.

SockYarn · 27/05/2020 17:19

None whatsoever.

My cousins are quite a bit older than me - 15 to 20 years on my mum's side, 5 to 10 on my dad's. We did not see them often growing up. I have very little in common with them.

Quite honestly I could stand next to any of them in the queue at Asda and not know who they were - some I haven't seen in over 20 years.

RuffleCrow · 27/05/2020 17:20

None. Growing up I assumed we'd stay in touch but stuff happened in our twenties that meant that wasn't something I wanted.

IRememberSoIDo · 27/05/2020 17:21

I only have five, close to one, get on great with her brother but only when we see each other. I wouldn't know the others if they passed me in the street. My dd's are extremely close to two sets of cousins. They're like siblings with six parents! I hope they will remain close as adults, they've had such fun so far.

1forsorrow · 27/05/2020 17:21

I've got cousins I've never met. I've got cousins I haven't seen in 50 years.

theprincessmittens · 27/05/2020 17:21

None. Had a distant relationship with my mother's side until we left our home country when I was 9. Saw them on rare occasions after that, haven't seen any of them since 1982.

More or less the same on my father's side. No contact with any of his extended family since the late 80s, when I last saw my grandmother. I believe my only uncle on that side of the family has had children...couldn't tell you how many, what sex etc. Not seen that uncle since 1978.

My only family are my mother and my younger brother...and I've not seen either of them since 2009.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/05/2020 17:24

We're close-ish. I have two, female one male. I visit them 2-3 a year, we've spent the odd Christmas together. My female cousin was one of my bridesmaids and we chat on the phone occasionally. We send each other's kids birthday and Christmas presents.

My male cousin used to come round for dinner 2 or 3 times a year when he was living in London. I love them both very much - I'm an only child so they're the closest things I have to siblings.

I also have a second cousin I'm quite close to. She lives in the next county, we visit each other 3-4 times a year, take our kids to each other's birthday parties.

All of us spent quite a lot of time together when we were younger - we have a big, close, extended family, so we've carried that on in adulthood.

Actually I do have two other cousins, but they're children themselves, so our relationship is closer to aunt/niece and nephew.

My DC have two cousins they're fond of and see a lot of, I hope that continues. And they know my cousin's and half cousin's DC and have good relationships with them.

WindsorBlues · 27/05/2020 17:24

Best of friends ans in a daily Whatsapp group with my maternal cousins, we all grew up together we see each other at Christmas and have nights/days out a few times a year.

There is a big age gap between my siblings and my paternal cousins. 1 set I barely know and the other set I more of a confidentant rather than a cousin, they gone to me for advice and when they're upset but I wouldn't say we're friends.

80sMum · 27/05/2020 17:25

I think I have seen my cousins only about 3 or 4 times in my life. Once in childhood, then at my grandfather's funeral when we were in our 20s, then at my dad's funeral when we were in our 30s and, lastly, at their dad's funeral when we were in our 50s. I doubt I will ever see either of them again.

DramaAlpaca · 27/05/2020 17:26

I have no relationship with my cousins. Most are much older than me, the rest are living abroad. One or two I never want to see again Grin

My DH has so many first cousins (over 50, large Irish family) that he only knows a few of them and wouldn't recognise most of the rest.

My DC are very close to all their cousins, they're similar ages, have grown up together and are good friends. I hope it stays that way.

RuffleCrow · 27/05/2020 17:27

This thread is making me sad though - the way our parents expected us to all be friends and the way trips to our grandparents houses brought us all together. And now we're all getting older and it's like it all meant nothing. When it meant so much to me at the time. I feel like in my case there are a few family 'characters' who enjoy creating rifts and driving people apart and they've created an atmosphere where it would seem weird to want to meet up.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 27/05/2020 17:29

Very very close but there are loads of us think 20+ so I’m closer to some and not others. Big Irish family though and everyone I know is close with their cousins. My cousins are my children’s god parents etc

blancheduboiss · 27/05/2020 17:30

A non-existant one. Close as kids, but drifted massively and now we have nothing in common. My mum is NC with her brother anyway, so it would ultimately be quite awkward anyway.

SparkyTheCat · 27/05/2020 17:30

Been NC for 10 years, and a distant relationship before that due to big age gaps.

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 27/05/2020 17:32

None at all. Don’t even know all their names. Some I have never met. There’s only one I’d recognise in the street and I only see him at funerals.

vanillandhoney · 27/05/2020 17:34

Pretty much none - but they all live on the other side of the world and I've only seen one of them in the past six years or so.

SockYarn · 27/05/2020 17:37

This thread is making me sad though - the way our parents expected us to all be friends and the way trips to our grandparents houses brought us all together. And now we're all getting older and it's like it all meant nothing. When it meant so much to me at the time

Bu you cannot force friendship. Just because you happen to share some DNA with a person doesn't mean you'll get along. It's nothing to be sad about. People make their own way, if they want to be friends with their cousins then that's great. If they don't, and find friends outside their family bubble, that's fine too. A friendship with a cousin is no more valid than any other type of friendship.

Don't be feeling sad for me because I have 5 cousins I never see - I'm fine with that and have lots of friends.

Thurmanmurman · 27/05/2020 17:37

One is my best friend, more like a sister, the others (13 of them) I wouldn't know from Adam.

Kljnmw3459 · 27/05/2020 17:38

I have around 30 cousins, age span of 5-50. Majority of my cousins are my age group, give or take a few years. I was good friends with quite a few of them growing up. Never really got to know the older ones or the much younger ones. I've never even met the 2 youngest ones and probably never will. Nowadays I'm on social media with a couple but no relationship beyond that. I'm happy with that. I sometimes think of those cousins I was close to but I've no real desire to reconnect.

TattiePants · 27/05/2020 17:40

Am I the only one that doesn't have any cousins? DM has one DSiS that's never had children and DF is an only child. I am quite close to two of my second cousins as we are the same age and two of our children went to school together for a while.

Ghostlyglow · 27/05/2020 17:40

Pretty much none. My mum had quite complicated relationships with her siblings so I didn't really get to know my cousins when I was a kid. I've tried to build bridges but they're not interested. The damage she did does not seem repairable Sad

user1487194234 · 27/05/2020 17:42

To me family relationships are very important
I have a good relationship with all my cousins
The ones where they closer to my in age and distance are closer,but generally I see all of them a few times a year at least

I hope my DC will be the same with their cousins

speakout · 27/05/2020 17:42

Just because you happen to share some DNA with a person doesn't mean you'll get along. It's nothing to be sad about. People make their own way, if they want to be friends with their cousins then that's great. If they don't, and find friends outside their family bubble, that's fine too. A friendship with a cousin is no more valid than any other type of friendship.

I agree with this.

I have around 38 first cousins. I have no idea of their names, nor do I know where they live.
It doesn't matter to me.
I have a sister that I haven't seen for 5 years, she and I don't even send birthday cards.
it is no loss.

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