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Original poster

What relationship do you have with your cousins?

202 replies

potentiallyoutting · 27/05/2020 16:01

I feel very neutral towards my cousins - don’t want no harm to come to them but I don’t feel the family bond.

My mum was the youngest of four and the only girl. Two lots of cousins were raised away from the family - one because their dad died young and they moved back to their mums area - essentially zero contact until recently (they’re in their 30s) and the other set were raised by their mum as their parents separated (never saw them until recently - they sometimes popped to my grandparents once a year but we never had any form of a bond apart from the occasional ‘hi’).

A couple of the cousins have hurt me and to be honest we’re all such different people with different values.

I’ve been asked quite a few favours off a few (money/do errands/use my house as storage/babysitting/get information about other people) and I just feel like I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again - I’d be more inclined to lend money to a friend than someone that I just share a bit of blood and grandparents with.

Anyone else feel a bit ‘meh’(we all live in the same area so it’s hard to avoid them and maybe just include them on the Christmas card list).

I get invited to christenings/weddings/BBQ and I feel like I need a decent excuse not just ‘I don’t want to be your friend pretend I don’t exist’.

Is there end in sight - anyone palmed them off enough that it’s just pleasantries if you bump into them?

OP posts:
Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 27/05/2020 16:32

Actually closer and speak regularly to my mums' cousins and my second (?) cousins who live in US than my own first cousins! Grin

Itsbeforepartb · 27/05/2020 16:32

Used to meet up at every family gathering, stayed in touch and friendly on social media etc, went to their events and sent cards/gifts, but then most of them couldn't be arsed to come to my wedding. I don't really speak to those ones now. It wasn't deliberate as such, just stopped making as much of an effort really.

FilthyforFirth · 27/05/2020 16:33

My cousins are exactly like siblings. We are a large family and pretty much treat each other as if we are all brothers and sisters. I spent all school holidays, vacations, family gatherings etc with them.

It wasnt until I was much older and I realised my cousin relationship was not the norm. I thought everyone was like this!

zscaler · 27/05/2020 16:34

We were close when we were children. Now as adults we all live really far apart from each other and see each other rarely.

That said, I like them all very much and I’m always happy when I do get to see them. I would do them a favour if they needed it and would always be happy to host them or meet up with them.

TheVanguardSix · 27/05/2020 16:34

None. I had no cousins on dad's side but mum's 7 siblings made up for this and so there are lots of cousins on that side. We grew up together, were in and out of each other's lives and houses, many went into business together, partied together in the teens and early 20s. Sounds great, right? The family was so competitive and so dysfunctional. When I look back on those times with my cousins, I feel pain and slight dread. There's a lot of unresolved hurt, mainly caused by bad parenting and competition between the aunts and uncles and sisters-in-law/brothers-in-law which was just dumped on us kids. The adults condoned the cousins being nasty to each other when actually, we had all of the ingredients to form good, lasting, loving relationships. But we didn't. We inherited a lot of toxicity. We're older now and although we don't meet up, we all know why our relationships as cousins didn't work out... there's a sort of quiet acknowledgment of this and we are much kinder to each other (on the rarer than a blue moon occasion we actually do see each other).

x2boys · 27/05/2020 16:35

Not.much tbh my cousins on my Dads side are all quite close apart from with me and my sister ,they all lived near each other growing up and we lived miles away so they all saw much more of each other than we did and even now we are polite but ther,s not much of anything there I prefer my cousins o n my mums side but we are all scattered around so I don't see a lot of thrm

AriettyHomily · 27/05/2020 16:38

I have A LOT of cousins. They all live in Ireland, we see each other at weddings / funerals and fb.

I have 4 in this country who are technically second cousins and we are very close and more so now that we have children who have the 'cousin' relationship that we had growing up even though they are what, third cousins?

IndigoHexagon · 27/05/2020 16:38

My mum was one of 13 siblings - on her side of the family I have 52 first cousins. I could be in a room with about a quarter of them and not know who there were. Another quarter I would recognise but don’t have any relationship with (and would imagine they’d only now me as my mother’s daughter) - if the other half, I was much closer to them all when we were children but only really know what’s going on with them via Facebook and the odd message. When my mum and aunts were alive, we kept up to date with family goings on through them.
On my dads side of the family I have 6 cousins. I have a very close relationship with one of them - the other five live abroad and I don’t see or speak them much at all anymore.

merryhouse · 27/05/2020 16:39

Some of them I wouldn't recognise (and two of them are dead).

One we haven't seen since he was a baby even though he probably lived closest (veeeeeery acrimonious divorce). My sister taught his son at one point, if that counts?

Several are in Australia (three went as children, one as a new parent, one in middle-age) though I'm pretty sure I'd recognise all of them Grin. I have contact with people who have contact with their contacts...

Two I have seen around on Facebook - through a Surname Group mostly - but their brother I have no idea about. Three I would probably recognise, especially if forewarned, but their brother I have no idea about.

The siblings of the other Australians I would probably recognise in two of the three cases but probably not the other unless he still looks a bit like his mum.

Saw the other two four years ago at one of them's wedding - previously was probably my sister's wedding 20 years ago...

wendywoopywoo222 · 27/05/2020 16:40

I have one I haven't seen since our mutual grandmothers funeral about 30 years ago. One I hope to never see again and one I keep in touch with and see a couple of times a year. With the Exeption of my parents I have a lot more time for my freinds than family.

12stepCAKE · 27/05/2020 16:41

My kids are super close to their cousins. They are like the famous 5 gang except they are 8. It's lovely to see

Toddlerteaplease · 27/05/2020 16:43

Only see one if mine. The others I have no relationship with at all. No falling out or anything. Just live far apart. Not particularly close to my aunts either.

Destroyedpeople · 27/05/2020 16:44

Not much really they are scattered across the world due to the Irish diaspora. I do have some Canadian ones on my fb which is nice. One of whom I met about 50 years ago. TheRe is one in Ireland I am fond of.

SecretWitch · 27/05/2020 16:44

I have 11 first cousins. I am close to about four of them. We grew up in a very tightly knit family so got to know each other very well. I miss those days of all being together.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/05/2020 16:44

None really. I hope it is different for my DC they're very close now although we were extremely close to ours growing up.
My DM had 8 sisters they had a silly tiff between a few it broke the group, we stopped seeing most cousins after that.
In saying that they all come out of the wood work from a funeral or wedding we have fun promise to meet again but don't.

Windyatthebeach · 27/05/2020 16:47

Never met most of them. My df never had unsupervised access and so I never saw them. He has 4 siblings and 3 have 2 dc each. None on dm's side.

Brightwell12 · 27/05/2020 16:48

Very close and missing them terribly, ( my Mum has a sister who has 3 daughters), we all go away together once or twice a year and see them probably on 4 or 5 other occasions during the year. They all live in the same city, I'm a 3 hour drive away from them. I'm in regular contact with all 3 but am very to close to the youngest. also very close to my Auntie who refers to me as her daughter who lives in the south.
I have 6 cousins on my Dad's side 4 live in other countries and I wouldn't know any of them if they knocked on my door.

BanKittenHeels · 27/05/2020 16:49

I have a lot of cousins, some I haven’t seen since childhood and some are as close as very close siblings. Others fall in the middle, meaning we see each other at large family occasions (weddings, funerals, grandparent’s milestone birthdays) and might text every few months or talk on social media.

One of my cousins has been my birth partner and my bridesmaid and is incredibly close to my children. She is like a sister to me. We talk once or twice a day (be that text, phone or social media), see each other a couple of times a week and holiday together every year.

Fluffybutter · 27/05/2020 16:50

None , haven’t seen them in years .
Ds and dd see theirs now and again and get on well

TheThingWithFeathers · 27/05/2020 16:50

My dad's brothers are much younger than him and had their kids later in life. I'm 40 and my cousins range in age from 7 to 18, and four of them live in Canada. So not surprisingly we don't have much of a relationship!

AnnaMagnani · 27/05/2020 16:51

None. DH the same.

Subeccoo · 27/05/2020 16:52

On my mums side there are 6 out of the 8 of us that are as close as best friends. Get on well with the other 2 (one being one of my siblings) but it's just not as close..
On dad's side we get on fine but would never choose to go see each other. Funerals only for that now.

SwedishK · 27/05/2020 16:52

Growing up I spent a lot of time with most of my cousins. We often had sleepovers or went on holiday together.

There's 17 of them and most of them are around my age, give or take 3-4 years. I still see them now at least once a year (I moved abroad). The others who are 5+ years older or younger than me I have much less contact with but would definitely stop and chat if I bumped into them. It helps that most of them stayed in the town I grew up in so I still do bump into them all occasionally.

Tenumah · 27/05/2020 16:52

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Carouselfish · 27/05/2020 16:53

English ones, don't give a crap, not seen since we were kids. American ones, vaguely interested in a couple, like one in particular but contact through Facebook only really.