Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What relationship do you have with your cousins?

202 replies

potentiallyoutting · 27/05/2020 16:01

I feel very neutral towards my cousins - don’t want no harm to come to them but I don’t feel the family bond.

My mum was the youngest of four and the only girl. Two lots of cousins were raised away from the family - one because their dad died young and they moved back to their mums area - essentially zero contact until recently (they’re in their 30s) and the other set were raised by their mum as their parents separated (never saw them until recently - they sometimes popped to my grandparents once a year but we never had any form of a bond apart from the occasional ‘hi’).

A couple of the cousins have hurt me and to be honest we’re all such different people with different values.

I’ve been asked quite a few favours off a few (money/do errands/use my house as storage/babysitting/get information about other people) and I just feel like I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again - I’d be more inclined to lend money to a friend than someone that I just share a bit of blood and grandparents with.

Anyone else feel a bit ‘meh’(we all live in the same area so it’s hard to avoid them and maybe just include them on the Christmas card list).

I get invited to christenings/weddings/BBQ and I feel like I need a decent excuse not just ‘I don’t want to be your friend pretend I don’t exist’.

Is there end in sight - anyone palmed them off enough that it’s just pleasantries if you bump into them?

OP posts:
IndiaMay · 27/05/2020 17:43

Have some abroad and so we didnt see them a lot growing up, I have a friendly relationship with them, we speak weekly and comment on social media posts every few days etc. The ones in the UK are like siblings tbh. We grew up together, went to the same schools, in some cases were in the same classes, have been on family holidays. People are often surprised how close we are but I find it weird when people arent close to their cousins

Horehound · 27/05/2020 17:46

One is a year older than me and a year younger than my brother and we've always had a good relationship with her. Moreso as adults and it's good to catch up with her a few times a year, go on holiday, have dinner around Christmas time etc
Two I barely speak too but they are mid twenties and just having fun I guess
And two who are under ten and I only see them at family gatherings etc but I play with them.

Pieceofpurplesky · 27/05/2020 17:49

Some closer than others. Two huge families though - mum one of 11 and Dad one of 7 so lots of cousins. My best friend married one cousin (we were all out together the night they met) so I see those often. I also am also really close to two others.
The majority I am close enough to know if I needed help they would be there and see then every couple of months with a big gathering every year.

Some I rarely see.

purpleleotard · 27/05/2020 17:50

Last saw one set 50 years ago
Never seen the second set
30 years for the third set.
So not close............................

peperethecat · 27/05/2020 17:51

I have a good and fairly close relationship with (6) of them on one side.

On the other side I get on OK with one or two but am less close, and don't see the others at all.

Sn0tnose · 27/05/2020 17:52

On my mum’s side, I have five cousins. I wouldn’t know four of them if we were introduced. The fifth lives five minutes up the road. We both pretend we haven’t seen the other and only exchange pleasantries if we accidentally make eye contact. We’ve never fallen out, we just don’t really know each other. I’ve never met my cousins from my father’s side, I’m not even sure how many of them there are.

DH is incredibly close to his. One is one of his best friends and they were each other’s best men. They all grew up together and have really good relationships. Family occasions are always lots of fun.

isabellerossignol · 27/05/2020 17:53

I don't really know any of my cousins. I mean, I would know them if I saw them in the street, and I'd say hello, except for one who is a nasty piece of work, I'd just pretend I hadn't seen her. But I don't know them in any meaningful way. I don't know much about them. I've got a couple of cousins who I've never met, so I wouldn't even know them if I saw them.

ListenLinda · 27/05/2020 17:54

Quite close to the ones the same age or similar age to me (most of them!) a few are a few years younger but we always have a good laugh when we meet up. Grown up together and still regularly meet up for ‘girls nights’ at one of our houses. Our children are all similar ages too.

Carrie7469 · 27/05/2020 17:55

I don't have any cousins

TheGinGenie · 27/05/2020 17:56

I don't really, we have the occasional social
media interaction but I see most of them about once a decade

DeRigueurMortis · 27/05/2020 17:57

I only have one (we are both only children as were both our mothers and our fathers are 2 brothers).

You'd maybe think as we only have each other in our generation we'd be close but we are not really.

In part it's because we grew up hundreds of miles away from each other so apart from seeing each other once, maybe twice a year we don't really have a shared history.

Don't get me wrong there is no animosity whatsoever and when we do meet we get on just fine.

Send each other birthday/Christmas cards and interact over social media etc and I genuinely wish her well in life but I don't think either of us feel a need to be any closer than we are.

That said if there was some sort of catastrophe I'd help her out in a heartbeat and I'm pretty sure she would do the same.

shinyredbus · 27/05/2020 17:58

We’re close. Have a WhatsApp group that is active everyday - we live in different time zones too. And there are ALOT of us. We also have e a separate cousins plus partners chats.

Nottherealslimshady · 27/05/2020 18:00

Barley know them but I like most of them.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 27/05/2020 18:01

One I chat to on Facebook and we
were close as children but I dont really see her and have never met her son. Another is like a sister to me, we're very close and always have been. The rest I don't see. Some we send cards etc and others I hate and deny any relationship with.

DollyDoneMore · 27/05/2020 18:02

Hardly any. Funerals.

Crunchymum · 27/05/2020 18:03

I only have 3 first cousins.

Haven't seen two of them for decades (my mum - their aunt) is still in regular FB contact with them and has been the occasional weddings. We lived 100's of miles apart and only ever saw each other maximum once or twice a year when we were young.

My other cousin is 20 years younger than me. See him a lot more but no real relationship per se?

It's sad really.

My kids have 15 first cousins, most of them close in age (me and DP have lots of siblings and we all had kids at similar times) and they have a pretty close relationship with them all, but they are all young.....

Isithometimeyet0987 · 27/05/2020 18:09

I come from a big Irish family with lots of cousins I’m very close to some (my mums twins kids), some of them I hate (family falling out) and some I get along with but just don’t see often.

Lemondropsandgumdrops · 27/05/2020 18:11

Mostly very close. On my Dad’s side, we lost our Grandad about 5 years ago but all us cousins are very close to our Nan. Family became even more important to her than ever and we try to do a once yearly family holiday, last time I think there was 27 of us in total (a fair number of this was babies - in 5 years we’ve had 11 babies between us all, plus partners who come along too) and we did a week in Lanzarote. We had to cancel this years due to Covid but it’s a lovely family gathering and we all really enjoy being together.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 27/05/2020 18:13

I’m also godmother to 3 of my younger cousins (all still under 8) and have a close relationship with them and their parents.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 27/05/2020 18:13

I love my three cousins to bits - all girls, in fact l would say l see more of them than l do my sister - they are all so different but each lovely in their own way. Our parents let us arrange the meet ups now we just tell them where and when to turn up.

OneForMeToo · 27/05/2020 18:13

None really and dh doesn’t actually have cousins as his parents siblings don’t have any children. I used to be close to one but we have very very different lives and sil who does have children for mine to have cousins well my children don’t like them and I’m not going to force it.

ProtectAll · 27/05/2020 18:14

None not even on FB since I was around 18 and grandparents died, I only have them on my DF side. My DM has relatives who she sees and we are close to a couple. On the DH side we see at least once a year and are FB friends with all his cousins and other relatives.

My D.C. are adults and they are still close to their cousins, however there is a large age gap as all our siblings are younger and started their family much later.

CustardySergeant · 27/05/2020 18:25

No relationship at all. I've seen none of them since I was a child and have no contact at all. I had 7 cousins but don't know who is still alive or where they live.

Ginger1982 · 27/05/2020 18:37

Mine are over 10 years younger than me so no 'childhood bond.' We're at different phases of life, I'm married with kids and they're just out of uni. We see each other maybe once a year. I feel a bit sad about it as I have no siblings, but I think the age gap is the biggest barrier to a closer relationship.

gingerscot · 27/05/2020 18:45

I have over 30 first cousins. Some are older or similar age to my parents, I’m amongst the youngest cohort. I’m very close to 4 of them, all from different aunts/uncles and all over the country. Those 4 go across the age range too. The rest, most I would chat to or have a drink with, a couple I wouldn’t spit on if they were on fire 🤷‍♀️