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AIBU?

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Original poster

Apparently I'm racist

176 replies

Charlieandthechocolatecake · 26/05/2020 23:17

I should have name changed but I'd like to think I'm made of tougher stuff.

I asked to be added to a WhatsApp chat advertised on MN for people with no friend.

All was well until I asked 'why' people believed they had no friends. I was very honest in my answer.

I'm mixed race (pretty much equal parts black, white and Asian) and I'm from Croydon. I now have a black DP and 2 sons with him.

In the chat I said that I believe the reason I have no friends is because of my race. I grew up around a lot of mixed race people and I was honest when I said most of them had a superiority complex. I was often told by people that looked like me that we had the best of both worlds, we were more beautiful (I definitely am not!) and that we could pick and choose what we wanted to identify as.

Anyway, these opinions have always had an affect on me. I don't agree with them at all even though I can see why they believe it's true. As I've got older I've avoided many people with a similar race to my own. I've always struggled with my own identity and although those opinions came from people when I was in my early to late teens, I'm worried about meeting those same kind of people again. I feel like whenever I have, they use me as some kind of confidant to air their views.

Anyway, I said on the chat that I think people will judge me because of the same way I judge others the same colour as me. Hence, why I have no friends. I was being honest. I know it's something I need to work on but it's hard. I'm not racist. Prejudice probably.

The chat was going so well until then. I was called a racist and I was told I was disgusting. I apologised and left the chat.

I don't know what I want from this.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/05/2020 01:55

Oh do bore off, Eckhart.

PotholeParadise · 27/05/2020 01:58

Charlieandthechocolatecake

Dress up my reply a bit to get round that! Grin Add in something harmless and disarming about interests, like how you're into tabletop gaming or a really embarrassing 90s band, and so far you've never found anyone with the same heritage who is also into that.

PotholeParadise · 27/05/2020 02:02

Yes, absolutely. And, back to the question I asked: What's the difference between racism and prejudice?

Power dynamics? OP doesn't sound particularly powerful, or like a force for oppression, so let's move along from policing a mixed-raced woman for not wording her experiences in the most appropriate way.

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:03

@ThumbWitchesAbroad I was addressing OP. Bore off yourself, with your policing. You're not an authority in any sense.

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:05

@PotholeParadise I'm trying to understand OP from OP's point of view. I wasn't asking you.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/05/2020 02:06

Maybe the OP doesn't want to answer your question, Eckhart so why keep pushing her to answer it? That's what's boring, your insistence that you are somehow owed an answer.

PotholeParadise · 27/05/2020 02:07

No, bullies don't want interference, do they?

Tuppenceworf · 27/05/2020 02:08

Are you really trying to understand or are you trying to trip her up somewhere. Go on then, tell us what is the point you're trying to make with your question? Let's say she doesn't know the answer.

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:10

@Thumbsomething

Has OP asked you to speak on their behalf? Or are you just stepping in because you think you know?

Stop policing me. I'm asking OP a question. It's a forum. If you don't like it, don't look.

PotholeParadise · 27/05/2020 02:13

Not looking less like a bully. Is this what lockdown has reduced you to?

Why not google for MOOCs on race studies instead? Or for lighter viewing, Picard on Netflix is really good.

SandyY2K · 27/05/2020 02:15

I sometimes wish I could just be black or white so I didn't have to be left in Middle Earth!

You know I've heard this said a few times by mixed race ppl. Kind of not being accepted fully accepted by their black side or their white side.

A light skinned woman who I thought was mixed race spoke of the black women at work messing her around, until she let rip and their response was "She really is black"... it's just crazy, but it's such a sensitive issue.

Then there's the whole shadism thing too, which my therapist talked about.

It's one of those things you need to live or have an empathic understanding of and a lot of ppl just won't get it, as it's far removed from their daily reality.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/05/2020 02:15

Haha, really? It's not "policing", it's letting the OP know that the rest of us are bored with your insistence too.

Never mind, you carry on. She doesn't care and nor do I.

PotholeParadise · 27/05/2020 02:15

Well, I'm off the wooden stairs to Bedfordshire. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:17

You people are really unpleasant. I'm not a bully. I don't understand the difference between racism and prejudice due to skin colour. I asked OP because people who don't understand (like me) are probably the reason she's posting in the first place, and mutual understanding would probably progress her situation beneficially for her. I might also get a bit of an education too.

But hey, just shoot down anybody a bully if they don't get it, right? Anybody with a question. Because that's progress.

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:19

@ThumbWitchesAbroad Thanks. Your validation means everything to me, because you are so important.

Tuppenceworf · 27/05/2020 02:21

But I think a couple of us already answered your question. But it seemed you insisted on asking OP because you had an agenda imo. To accuse her of being racist towards other mixed race people. Unless the answers weren't what you wanted, so enlighten us.

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:28

OP hasn't answered so I can't comment.

The answers other posters gave told me that racism is just one form of prejudice, which seemed to deliberately miss the point. OP has said she is prejudiced regarding skin colour. I'm asking her why that isn't racism. It's not a trap or a trick question. I think that I think the same as the people who called her racist, and I'm trying to tease out why. It's hard to understand.

Tuppenceworf · 27/05/2020 02:33

Right ok got it! I thought "prejudiced against skin colour" was your own statement. Must have missed/ forgotten where OP said that, although based on the google description, OP may have made a mistake to say she's 'prejudiced' but I'll leave her to answer now.

Tuppenceworf · 27/05/2020 02:34

Not that I was keeping her from answering. Will just butt out, I meant.Grin

Eckhart · 27/05/2020 02:38

Prejudiced against skin colour was my interpretation of

'Anyway, I said on the chat that I think people will judge me because of the same way I judge others the same colour as me. Hence, why I have no friends. I was being honest. I know it's something I need to work on but it's hard. I'm not racist. Prejudice probably.'

It's generous of you to allow OP to answer for herself. Butting out is a good plan when one person asks another a question and you feel like answering for them.

Tuppenceworf · 27/05/2020 02:47

Gee, thanks! I didn't realise that "lesson" before. Guess you thought the gate is open to take a quick swipe because I'm bowing out. You couldn't just leave it there. You were nearly crying "unpleasantness" before. That's what makes you come across goady. By the way you had replied us but the answer didn't match your agenda, so you carried on to ask OP again. Hope you "understand" OP as you wish. Goodbye.

pumpkinbump · 27/05/2020 03:02

No you're not racist. You expressed views on the attitude of people based on your experience with them. People who band the word 'racist' around wherever they feel there is the slightest opportunity.

Original poster
Charlieandthechocolatecake · 27/05/2020 03:07

@Eckhart racism (to me) is believing one race is superior to another. That's just my opinion. I'm happy to be corrected but I stand steady in the belief that I am not racist.

Prejudice (to me) is an opinion based not on reason or experience.

Both are well described in any dictionary or Google search you read.

I'm neither.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charlieandthechocolatecake · 27/05/2020 03:10

@PotholeParadise I like your humour! Somehow, saying, 'I'm into pencil drawings but I don't care for anybody else's but whilst were at it, do you hate me for being a mixed race person that has generally never got on with other mixed race people. Discuss" isn't the best conversation starter🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Charlieandthechocolatecake · 27/05/2020 03:13

@Eckhart I should have never replied to you. @Tuppenceworf explained it a lot better. Whilst I'm here, I'm going to take a running jump and assume you have never had an issue with your race.

OP posts: