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Original poster

To ask what the shittest sex you ever had is?

388 replies

Magicra84 · 24/05/2020 14:39

Saw someone who absolutely insisted he wanted a proper relationship and not just FWB but the few times I saw him which led to sex he left within ten mins of sex ending. Sex was shit too. Three thrusts and he was done. Rubbish! As he was very good looking I hoped it would get better. I didn't give it chance to after he left immediately after twice.

OP posts:
JoysOfString · 26/05/2020 21:46

Yes it’s the worst thing a man can imagine - someone laughing about them. Meanwhile women are worried men will kill them. If you’re worried about men having their say about poor sexual experiences, take a peek at that UK Punters site where men rate the prostitutes they’ve used and complain about them not being attractive or keen enough, seeming like they’re off their face on drugs (no shit Sherlock!) etc

A few (mainly) women on a (mainly) women site having a giggle about some jackhammering doesn’t quite compare.

I wasn't talking about men's experience of sex, and I wasn't referring to jackhammering, but to having a micro penis.

I know most men are misogynistic, I know men can be vile about women's bodies, I know women are at risk of death, I know being laughed at doesn't compare. I am actually a feminist and not a feminist lite either.

However having a tiny penis is not something a man can help - unlike jackhammering, slobbering, porn behaviour, being lazy and selfish etc. It is fine for everyone to laugh about penis size, not just women. It's seen as the be-all and end-all for men.

I only said it must be tough. I'll get me coat.

GhostCurry · 26/05/2020 22:10

“ Yes it’s the worst thing a man can imagine - someone laughing about them. Meanwhile women are worried men will kill them.”

Oh cool, you’ve read that Margaret Atwood quote too.

LilMissRe · 26/05/2020 22:12

Heard this from a friend

" men are just like buses- because they never get you to where you want to go- you just ride them till you're close enough and then you have to get there yourself"

Livingoncake · 26/05/2020 22:16

Years and years ago, I saw a documentary on the female orgasm. Can’t remember what it was called, but I remember they interviewed a group of French women, all of whom agreed that they would (and had) dump a guy who hadn’t brought them to orgasm by the third encounter at the absolute latest. They couldn’t understand why any woman would put up with bad sex, yet it seems many of us do.

Maybe that’s why French guys have a reputation as great lovers - their female partners have high standards and won’t stand for any shirking in bed.

Summerhillsquare · 26/05/2020 22:38

Oh plenty, post divorce. The worst was very good looking, charming, clever. Young. Got stubble rash from his beard but decided to persevere, he never got properly hard, couldn't get it in. I was biting the pillow in frustration, told him stop and he stood in a corner and wanked into the condom. I was literally speechless. Angry

Had a few who couldn't get or stay properly hard. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned that.

VodselForDinner · 26/05/2020 22:45

@Summerhillsquare

Oh plenty, post divorce. The worst was very good looking, charming, clever. Young. Got stubble rash from his beard but decided to persevere, he never got properly hard, couldn't get it in. I was biting the pillow in frustration, told him stop and he stood in a corner and wanked into the condom. I was literally speechless. Angry

Had a few who couldn't get or stay properly hard. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned that.

Oh god, the wanking into a condom Shock Why???
ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew · 26/05/2020 22:49

The format of this post has blown my mind! How does post quoting happen unless you're MNHQ??

To ask what the shittest sex you ever had is?
VodselForDinner · 26/05/2020 22:56

@ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew

The format of this post has blown my mind! How does post quoting happen unless you're MNHQ??
I’d tell you but I’d have to kill you.

(Not sure how it works on desktop or android but, on my iPhone, I click the three little dots on the bottom left of a post and “quote” is there under “report”).

Summerhillsquare · 26/05/2020 23:00

@ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew

The format of this post has blown my mind! How does post quoting happen unless you're MNHQ??
That's blown my mind too! Unlike the rubbish sex Wink
GlummyMcGlummerson · 26/05/2020 23:04

When I was about 20 I met a friend of my friend's boyfriend on a night out. Sparks really flew between us, bags of chemistry and sexual tension and we swapped numbers. Because of various reasons we couldn't actually meet up for a date for 3 weeks. But we spoke and texted every day, and started what we now know as "sexting" (just words, this was the days before camera phones).

I was dying to see him and sleep with him, I hadn't felt so sexually charged about anybody. I really fancied him and went to his for our date, he cooked me a meal and then got down to it.

What a horrific disappointment. He had a tiny penis - which shocked me because he came across so confident and kept telling me how he was gonna blow my mind in bed Hmm - he was really slow and boring, his penis kept coming out and he's actually say "oopsy" FFS. we did missionary that lasted about 4 minutes. Never once worried about me having an orgasm (do they ever?). Then he rolled over and lit a fag and told me that was absolutely amazing.

I've never moved so fast! I actually saw him again last year at a wedding, with a woman, and wondered if he was still shit in bed.

KissM3 · 26/05/2020 23:16

My most disappointing encounter was summer 2007, with an absolutely gorgeous guy. He was tall, broad, handsome, clever, funny, a good dancer, charismatic, an amazing kisser. After a lot of build up over 2 months of dating and flirting, we went out for a lovely dinner. The setting after dinner was perfect, but our first and only time sleeping together didn’t quite go as I’d expected... I didn’t feel much at all, as he had the smallest penis I’ve ever encountered. Otherwise, we had such amazing chemistry. I feel bad now that I ghosted him afterwards and he was keen on having a proper relationship! With hindsight I do wonder if we could have worked on the physical issues somehow.

A few weeks later, I was dating my now DH. It may be karma. He’s turned out to be asexual/addicted to porn/gay [delete as appropriate]. I’ve given up trying to guess what the problem is, but he isn’t interested in sex at all and our relationship is generally negative.

MissConductUS · 26/05/2020 23:17

@Summerhillsquare - how did you do that formatting?

Likethebattle · 26/05/2020 23:26

I once fell asleep, was with the ex mentioned in my other post, it was was about 3am and I had been drinking he was spooning behind me and I remember waking up with a jump and realising ‘yes this is still happening!’ I had passed out/fallen asleep.

Ali2020 · 26/05/2020 23:32

deranged over sexed pigeon made me laugh so much! 😂😂

amy85 · 26/05/2020 23:35

[quote MissConductUS]@Summerhillsquare - how did you do that formatting?[/quote]
Click on the three dots on the bottom right of a comment and there's a new quote button

Haffiana · 26/05/2020 23:39

Ah! You can't quote a post that contains a quote though.

Haffiana · 26/05/2020 23:40

@Haffiana

Ah! You can't quote a post that contains a quote though.
No quote button...
GrandTheftWalrus · 27/05/2020 00:06

@Haffiana

Ah! You can't quote a post that contains a quote though.
Basically trying this.

My worst would be my ex husband. I never orgasmed once with him. I do every time with DP

MulticolourMophead · 27/05/2020 00:27

Click on the three dots on the bottom right of a comment and there's a new quote button

Either that's on the app, or it's a feature of the paid version of MN.

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 27/05/2020 00:39

@MulticolourMophead

Click on the three dots on the bottom right of a comment and there's a new quote button

Either that's on the app, or it's a feature of the paid version of MN.

Just checking it out.

I'm not on the app and I haven't signed up to the paid version of MN.

redbigbananafeet · 27/05/2020 00:46

Maudspellbody Surely you wouldn't have let him use any of you? On Him fine but I'd not have one in me if another woman had last night?! Or is that prudish?

MulticolourMophead · 27/05/2020 01:01

My laptop updated and I can see the quote option now, in the desktop site it's at the end of the line next to message poster.

MulticolourMophead · 27/05/2020 01:13

@Itsnotalwaysme

Too many to count, but the lad who used vicks vapourub as a lubricant is the most memorable Shock
I had to scroll back and re-read this.

Seriously??? You have my utmost sympathies (and I thought chili hands was bad). Shock

Wagamamas · 27/05/2020 04:07

@LilMissRe

Heard this from a friend

" men are just like buses- because they never get you to where you want to go- you just ride them till you're close enough and then you have to get there yourself"

Oh i like this Grin i also wanted to test the quote feature. im not a paid member nor on app
SecretWitch · 27/05/2020 04:27

I had an ex that used to say “ HERE I COME, HERE I COME” over and over again in a very frantic way. It made me very anxious like I was in a horse race..

My first husband was a very good lover except for the time he managed to come into my eye. It hurt like hell and my eye blew up the next day. I was trying to think about how exactly I would explain my swollen red eye to my parents as I was still living at home..