Step daughter spies on me

[ifeeluncomfortable]

I have name changed for this...

I'm 25 and have an 8 year old step-daughter. Relationship has always been good and have another 7 year old stepdaughter and have a 2 year old myself. Recently we their dad has popped out with the children for a bike ride / walk, if I stay at home she wants to stay with me. Initially I thought she just didn't want to go but it happened more and more where she would go places if I wasn't going, me and her dad thought it was nice and she obviously wanted to stay with me and build the relationship even more.

A few time I have been getting changed in my room so will call out to the girls and tell them not to come in, 8 year old always comes in and says oh sorry I forgot which I did believe, until this morning when her dad took the other two to pick up some breakfast so I said "Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in" she said "ok I'll shut the door" I noticed she didn't shut it properly but heard her footsteps walk away. I heard some creaks and I could see her eyes peering through the gap in the door!!!

I told her dad and he said she probably wants to see what a women looks like, which I do get but she has a mom who I'm sure is a bit more open with her body around them.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it but I just feel a bit weird about it now and I feel terrible, this sounds so crazy I promise I'm not a troll!! Mumsnet can confirm!!

AIBU??

So you’ve written all that instead of just buying a bolt or door wedge?

And you’re using the word “spy” about an eight year old for reasons?

First of all, shut the door properly. Secondly, did you confront her about this? I would have. I would have told her it's unacceptable to invade someone's privacy.

@ArriettyJones You have obviously missed the whole point of the thread

@Aquamarine1029 I haven't because I feel awkward which is why I have came to mumsnet for advice

She's probably just curious. Could you not just get changed in a lockable bathroom?

If people thinks it's normal I would feel terrible bringing it up to her and then making her feel uncomfortable, but if people feel the same as me I will have to speak to her about it

ArriettyJones You have obviously missed the whole point of the thread

Do feel free to share it, if there is one.

But my suggestion works. Bolt/lock/wedge - - privacy secured, job done.

She's curious and only 8. How long have you been in her life ? Get a wedge for the door and use it when you change if you are uncomfortable

If this is a one off, perhaps saying anything at this point is unnecessary. Just be sure to close your door from now on. If it happens again you need to address it immediately and not wait.

I have been in her life for almost 4 years

If I were you if probably just slip off and get changed without announcing it if you can.

Sorry that's probably not much help

You seem to be looking at her too if you know she does it why dont you lock the door. What if she went home and told her mum you didn't lock the door and she saw you change. You really need to lock your door.

First of all, shut the door properly. Secondly, did you confront her about this? I would have. I would have told her it's unacceptable to invade someone’s privacy

@Aquamarine1029 I haven't because I feel awkward which is why I have came to mumsnet for advice

Oh now you’re just being ridiculous. You have DSDs of 7&8, your own DD of 2 but you feel too “awkward” to do basic parenting of them do you come to MN to imply things instead?

Rightiho,

Would you feel comfortable asking her why she was looking. I don't think theres any need for you to say youre changing your undies so dont come in. Just go upstairs shut the door and get dressed. She is old enough to respect others privacy so you will need to talk to her but she will probably .get a bit upset.

@ArriettyJones is there really any need for you to reply??? Yes I do get advice when parenting children that aren't mine as if I upset them in anyway I'd get nothing but hate!

You seem very keen to make as big a drama as possible.

Buy a wedge.

Personally I’d just ignore it but getchangeddiscretely or in a lockable room from now on

Lock/shut door problem solved.

Oh and why feel the need to announce it? That's a bit weird, don't even mention it.

Do you really need us randoms on the internet how to solve this?

I don’t think you need to make a big deal of it. She’s 8, it’s just normal bodily curiosity.

Just get changed without announcing it next time, or change in the bathroom, or lock your bedroom door. She will grow out of it, and there are many steps you can take in the meantime to ensure you have privacy.

I find it a bit strange that you are announcing to the household every time you want to get changed. Even more so that you are specifically saying I'm going to change my bra and pants. For a curious 8 year old, that's almost an invitation.

Would she normally just wander in to your bedroom every 5 minutes? If not, that would suggest that she only 'happens' to wander in because you've told her you're getting changed.

Just get dressed without telling everyone and see if that helps.

She's probably curious about what you have to hide, as you're making a fuss about getting changed and emphasising she must not come in.

I have a nine year old who is curious about the body at the moment, its just her age, I'm not sure I would ever be able to say an 8 year old has the thought process to refuse to go out incase you happen to go and get changed.
Dont announce it. Just go and get changed discreetly in future, shut yourself in the bathroom. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.
But I wouldnt make an issue of it, no.

Don't tell her where you are going, change in the bathroom if need be. Talk to her about privacy, ask her why.

Many things you can do.

Just go to your room, shut the door, change. If they barge in, shoo them out and tell them about privacy. Stop being so weird about it.

If you announce something, it makes seem like an event which makes people want to see.
Get a wedge or better still make it a family rule that everyone (including grown ups) always knocks and waits for permission before opening a closed door. This as a rule (which will take time and a lot of reminding) becomes a way of ensuring the whole family gets privacy when they want it without making a huge deal of "OMG you saw me naky!"