Step daughter spies on me

[ifeeluncomfortable]

I have name changed for this...

I'm 25 and have an 8 year old step-daughter. Relationship has always been good and have another 7 year old stepdaughter and have a 2 year old myself. Recently we their dad has popped out with the children for a bike ride / walk, if I stay at home she wants to stay with me. Initially I thought she just didn't want to go but it happened more and more where she would go places if I wasn't going, me and her dad thought it was nice and she obviously wanted to stay with me and build the relationship even more.

A few time I have been getting changed in my room so will call out to the girls and tell them not to come in, 8 year old always comes in and says oh sorry I forgot which I did believe, until this morning when her dad took the other two to pick up some breakfast so I said "Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in" she said "ok I'll shut the door" I noticed she didn't shut it properly but heard her footsteps walk away. I heard some creaks and I could see her eyes peering through the gap in the door!!!

I told her dad and he said she probably wants to see what a women looks like, which I do get but she has a mom who I'm sure is a bit more open with her body around them.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it but I just feel a bit weird about it now and I feel terrible, this sounds so crazy I promise I'm not a troll!! Mumsnet can confirm!!

AIBU??

Isn't @ a pretty standard thing on messages boards, whatsapp etc? It's definitely easier to use @ when replying to a post. Never considered it to be rude, not sure why some do

100% normal and standard for social networks, forums and messaging apps. I'm amazed anyone could think it's rude.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all by being uncomfortable! She is probably just curious but maybe her dad could have a chat and explain it’s not appropriate?

@YetAnotherSpartacus I don't understand what's wrong?

I've @ you because I'm directing my conversation towards you

At that age there is such a curiosity about bodies, it's weird thinking about it now but I remember being around 10 and my friend would bring in pics of the page 3 lovely girls from her dads paper and we would look at them in the toilets at school. I think it's when you are just starting to go through puberty and you want to understand it a bit more.
Not great for you obviously so I think removing the opportunity with a bolt is a good start.

That's a big mountain you are constructing out of a very small molehill OP. Just shut the door or change in the bathroom.

It’s rude to @ someone .....well that’s a new one on me too.
I think lockdown has some spoiling for a fight.

I often tag people on mumsnet and like it when they tag me, don't consider it rude. In a conversation you would say someone's name in a group of people

These people are easy to identify as they do not appear on the @ list in the drop down menu.

I didn't know that.

If it's 'rude' to @ someone why did MN introduce it? Poppycock. Just turn it off in Settings.

I think you're making a big deal of it. When I stay at my dsis house me and dc share a room with my niece (7). I'd get changed in front of her too.

Everyone is different. Some people walk around the gym changing rooms pretty much naked but some people will go straight into a cubicle and change. OP isn’t necessarily making a drama just because she’s different to someone else.

How about having a rule that when a door is shut, you knock and wait before going in?

Good idea.

I think it's just innocent curiosity tbh. I have a 9 year old daughter and I know she has in the past been interested in me and my body.popping in when I'm in the bath, stroking my legs, trying on my bra etc.

I wouldn't worry too much unless it actually makes you feel uncomfortable. If it does I would just have a little chat and tell her about private spaces etc

This thread feels off. Creepy AF.

I can't believe that you are asking for advice , about something such as this. There are simple ways to deal with your problem,which any sensible person would know.

Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in"

Weird.

Why don’t you just go ahead and do it without broadcasting the fact.

Or get a bolt.

Why did you NC too?

Close your door properly.

Insist on a “knock don’t just barge in” policy.

Don’t announce you’re changing. Just go do it. The “I’m going to change my bra and pants” is weird in a way I can’t put my finger on.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 24-May-20 13:52:53
Lynda
Some posters may find it rude and they are not obliged to receive emails. These people are easy to identify as they do not appear on the @ list in the drop down menu.

Bottom line rather than call posters our for using a facility, which has been provided for everyone to use, you would be better turn the facility off and your name will no longer appear in the drop down down menu. I can see you have not done this.
......
I haven't a clue what you're talking about, I just think it's odd and haven't come across it anywhere else. People can do what they like as far as I'm concerned.

We are going off the point of the thread a bit though which is about a young woman feeling uncomfortable at a little girl looking at her dressing and undressing. I hope we've managed to reassure her.

Is there anything else that has happened that is contributing to you feeling umcomfortable op? I ask this as i have been a step mum and experienced this myself bit there was a multitude of other behaviours that added to me feeling uncomfortable?

I don't think I have announced 'right I am going to change my bra and pants' to anyone. Ever. I would just go and do it. In a room with the door shut.

I am another one who changes/showers around my 7 1/2 year old daughter and 3 year old son but I would think it weird if my sister did the same with my children and would think it weird if her kids looked at me.

OP just have a quiet chat with her, clearly laying down boundaries but also asking nicely why she is doing it. I don't think you should have to lock the door to keep an 8 year old out when you are changing.

Probably just curiosity, but also perhaps a good time for a chat about when it is and isn't appropriate to look at people without asking them first and them say they are Ok with it. Not in a having a go at her way, more in a "now you are not a little child any more." It's a good chance to talk about how different people might feel differently about keeping their bodies private and how different people might change their minds about how private they might want to be as they get older.
Basically, some ground work about consent.

Why are you always getting changed when your DH has gone out and you are alone with you dsd? Surely you could get changed before or when he's back, if she spies on you? Also agree with others, why announce you are changing your knickers?

Hmm this thread is weird and prob not true

I would say it's pretty normal. My step daughter was the same, with both me and their gran, and I assume their mum. It's curiosity.
Yes they may see their mum, but shes probably curious as your body will be different to her mums, and different to hers. Shes learning women all have different bodies and that hers will eventually grow to look like a grownups body!
Nudity is not a horrible scary thing that should be sexualised nor does it need to be treated with shame, as long as it's not inappropriate.

God everyone’s got so het up! People can post about whatever they want. It’s just a question. There’s not some list of topics or situations people are allowed to be unsure about. Anyway, OP, I’d talk to her about privacy. Which will be a slightly awkward conversation but at the same time it’s really useful to show her that it’s ok to have boundaries. Because in the future she might be in a situation and not know how to put boundaries in place. So you can show her how.

Also, rude to @ people! Since when? I think it’s really handy coz then I get an email.

Lockdown boredom is evidently setting in.

If not, it's an odd way of talking about an 8-year-old kid, and an excellent way of instilling some strange bodily hangups in her as she grows up. IF she's real, I pity the poor kid.