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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step daughter spies on me

229 replies

ifeeluncomfortable · 24/05/2020 11:48

I have name changed for this...

I'm 25 and have an 8 year old step-daughter. Relationship has always been good and have another 7 year old stepdaughter and have a 2 year old myself. Recently we their dad has popped out with the children for a bike ride / walk, if I stay at home she wants to stay with me. Initially I thought she just didn't want to go but it happened more and more where she would go places if I wasn't going, me and her dad thought it was nice and she obviously wanted to stay with me and build the relationship even more.

A few time I have been getting changed in my room so will call out to the girls and tell them not to come in, 8 year old always comes in and says oh sorry I forgot which I did believe, until this morning when her dad took the other two to pick up some breakfast so I said "Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in" she said "ok I'll shut the door" I noticed she didn't shut it properly but heard her footsteps walk away. I heard some creaks and I could see her eyes peering through the gap in the door!!!

I told her dad and he said she probably wants to see what a women looks like, which I do get but she has a mom who I'm sure is a bit more open with her body around them.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it but I just feel a bit weird about it now and I feel terrible, this sounds so crazy I promise I'm not a troll!! Mumsnet can confirm!!

AIBU??

OP posts:
DC3dilemma · 24/05/2020 13:00

Poor soul is probably just curious. (If she’s been around adults all he life who close doors and announce impending nakedness like something momentous is about to happen then no bloody wonder).

Do as @category12 says and stop making a big deal out of it.

If I posted every time my privacy was invaded by a child I’d have to time to eat.

2bazookas · 24/05/2020 13:00

Why not just call to her "Hello, darling, come on in ".
Either she will retreat and never peek again, or she'll come in and you can open a conversation about women's/girls anatomy, biology, growing up, personal privacy etc. My guess is that she has something on her mind that she needs answers or reassurance about, and it may be very private or bedroom-related.

Or she's been fed some garbled fact of life by another 8 yr old.

DC3dilemma · 24/05/2020 13:01

I’d have no* time to eat!

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2020 13:02

She’s curious and as someone said may have a bit of a girl crush on you. Please don’t shoo her away or ridicule her as some have suggested. I would do what was suggested at 12.27 by Hopeyousteponalego, have a chat and ask if there’s anything bothering her and that you’re there if she has any questions.

Doyouavocado · 24/05/2020 13:04

Urgh at people like @ArriettyJones

Why respond with such attitude and passive aggressiveness ffs , the OP just wants advice and I would do exactly the same in an awkward situation.

sexbearhouse · 24/05/2020 13:04

Just get changed in the bathroom (assuming it has a lock?)

namechangetheworld · 24/05/2020 13:05

Perfectly normal and you're making a bit of a fuss out of nothing. My 5 YO DD is obsessed with boobies and bras.

AramintaLee · 24/05/2020 13:06

Definitely just body curiosity. When I was that age, I used to look at the lingerie section in my Mum's clothing catalogues... not because I fancied women, but because I was fascinated by how my body would change into that one day. I couldn't get my head around it because it seemed so alien to me. It's harmless and perfectly natural so don't make her feel awkward. As others have suggested, get a lock or change in the bathroom where people presumably know not to barge in.

GirlsBlouse17 · 24/05/2020 13:10

I think she is being curious OP. I think she would be horrified if you confronted her though and extremely embarrassed so I think it is best not to speak to her about it, unless she continues to invade your privacy. Make sure the door is closed in future and if you need to, get a lock for the door

bringincrazyback · 24/05/2020 13:14

Oh for goodness sake is MN bored today ? I mean I'm usually rather proud of being part of the vipers but this is the third thread today where people have become giant arses because presumably they are bored and feel the need to wilfully misunderstand and twist things.

This.
MN has become so nasty lately. I mean even nastier than usual.

OP, I think that at 8 your SD actually needs to be gently/kindly called out on this and have the importance of respecting other people's privacy re-stated to her. She's old enough to understand this concept now.

I am not sure why it is a big deal for her to see you naked? Surely you take her swimming and change in front of her there?

Not everyone is comfortable being naked around their children or stepchildren.

Maybe she doesn't ever seem her mum undress

I'm wondering the opposite. If maybe her mum doesn't mind her children seeing her undressed she might be puzzled/curious by someone who wants privacy to do these things. Which, to me, constitutes another reason for a talk on privacy. Openness is all very well and good but equally kids need to understand that not everyone is happy being naked in front of others and that this needs to be respected too.

EasterBuns · 24/05/2020 13:17

Is there a reason she can’t watch you change? In our house we all wander between bathrooms and bedrooms without worrying about being seen by family members.

AwwDontGo · 24/05/2020 13:18

Really odd not to announce getting changed and really really weird to specify that its your bra and pants that you need to change.

Also weird that you would leave the door ajar if you were concerned about her spying on you.

The absolute weirdest thing though is starting a thread about this. Surely you just Change in the bathroom or get a lock for the door. Why do you need to discuss this

ilikemethewayiam · 24/05/2020 13:21

I agree with PP’s just go get changed in a room with a lock (or get a lock). No need to announce it or bring it up with her. It’s just childish natural curiosity. There’s no issue unless you make it one.

Itwasntme1 · 24/05/2020 13:22

Okay Spartacus change your email settings, it’s a commonly used address on mumsnet.

There is also no need to be so aggressive😊.

Aquafresca · 24/05/2020 13:23

It seems like you have a curious 8yr old. At this age children almost do the opposite of what's asked. So may be stop announcing that you are gonna change.

ThePianist38 · 24/05/2020 13:23

It would have take you less time to ask her why she’s looking at you than writing this post. Why everyone needs to know when you’re changing your pants ?? and why a 7-8 yrs old enter a bedroom without knocking?

OrangeCinnamon · 24/05/2020 13:23

I can see where you are coming from. As your Stepdaughter you may be concerned about how certain actions are perceived. Do you tread very carefully with other situations e.g for example if she helped herself to snacks etc

timetest · 24/05/2020 13:23

Don’t announce what you’re doing and get changed in the bathroom with the lock on. No need to shame an 8 year old over normal curiosity.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/05/2020 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MsPeachh · 24/05/2020 13:26

Agreed there is something off about this thread.

Itwasntme1 · 24/05/2020 13:29

The use of @ has never generated an email into my system. I think you are being unnecessarily unpleasant.

I simply replied to quite an extreme view you post and questioned it. There is no need to name call simply beciase I didn’t agree to you.

crochetedcream · 24/05/2020 13:29

But the pp who @'d you wasn't random, they were exploring your contribution to the discussion

bringincrazyback · 24/05/2020 13:30

Agreed there is something off about this thread.

Why?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/05/2020 13:30

simply replied to quite an extreme view you post and questioned it. There is no need to name call simply beciase I didn’t agree to you

You interpreted my post as extreme. There was no need to @me.

woodhill · 24/05/2020 13:31

I wouldn't like it either.

Lock your door or go in bathroom.

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