Step daughter spies on me

[ifeeluncomfortable]

I have name changed for this...

I'm 25 and have an 8 year old step-daughter. Relationship has always been good and have another 7 year old stepdaughter and have a 2 year old myself. Recently we their dad has popped out with the children for a bike ride / walk, if I stay at home she wants to stay with me. Initially I thought she just didn't want to go but it happened more and more where she would go places if I wasn't going, me and her dad thought it was nice and she obviously wanted to stay with me and build the relationship even more.

A few time I have been getting changed in my room so will call out to the girls and tell them not to come in, 8 year old always comes in and says oh sorry I forgot which I did believe, until this morning when her dad took the other two to pick up some breakfast so I said "Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in" she said "ok I'll shut the door" I noticed she didn't shut it properly but heard her footsteps walk away. I heard some creaks and I could see her eyes peering through the gap in the door!!!

I told her dad and he said she probably wants to see what a women looks like, which I do get but she has a mom who I'm sure is a bit more open with her body around them.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it but I just feel a bit weird about it now and I feel terrible, this sounds so crazy I promise I'm not a troll!! Mumsnet can confirm!!

AIBU??

Why on earth do you need to announce youre getting changed and specifically changing your bra? sorry but thats just bloody weird behaviour. I have two sons- I dont announce every time "I'm having a SHOWER now" "I'm getting CHANGED now", "I'm changing my BRA now".

Just get changed, make sure the door is fully closed and put a lock on, then talk to her about respecting privacy boundaries. Its pretty obvious and I'm not really sure what you are expecting us to say?

Be prepared for a complete lack of perspective here or any sort of understanding.

The vast majority of MNers seem to despise step mothers.

Any second now you'll get some shit calling you out for using the term "my step daughter"

I can hear the cries of "you're not her mother" right now.

Good luck OP

I can guarantee the moment I wish to get changed, at least one child and/or DH will instantly appear in the bedroom. I wish I could harness the same power when the dishwasher needs loading.

It’s not your SD. Just change in the bathroom.

Couldn't you have said when you saw her 'are you ok? I did say for you not to come in whilst I was getting changed? What's happened?' Then she knows you've seen her and are going to address it

Tell your DP that you will not put yourself in such an invidious position again and will not remain home with your SD while he goes out because you do not want to be the centre of a safeguarding concern that might affect your access to your own child. He will have to take her with him. Be clear to both about why.

I find the announcements a bit odd too, I don't think I've ever done that. Just close the door yourself and get changed without making a big song and dance about it, I don't understand why its got to this stage.

Put a little bolt on. Personally every parents bedroom door should have one imo.

I would have thought a mock - annoyed 'go away!' would do under these circumstances.

It sounds like you make a big deal about changing clothes, rather than just do it.

I am not sure why it is a big deal for her to see you naked? Surely you take her swimming and change in front of her there?

Stop announcing you are taking your bra and pants off. If she walks in on you just smile and say give me a sec. it’s absolutely normal for her to be curious at that age. Please don’t make a big deal out of it.

Shes 8 and has a bit of a crush. Shut the door yourself and who announces anything else than "I'll go and get ready" as opposed to "I'm going to change my bra and pants"?

Just say hello to her whenever she does it, and repeat that you're changing and would like some privacy.

If you need to get changed don’t announce it just go and get changed and close the door or use the bathroom (presumably there is a lock). You don’t need to make it into a huge deal.

If you make an issue out of it she's going to get a complex. She's curious and tbh making a big announcement that you're off to get changed. don't come in, etc is making her want to have a look. Just get changed without telling her, or get a lock for your door.

@YetAnotherSpartacus do you really believe that this could be a safeguarding issue? And eight year old seeing her step mother change clothes?

It’s really really really not. How on earth do you cope at a swimming pool?

Let’s not blow this up into something it isnt.

Shut the door yourself and who announces anything else than "I'll go and get ready" as opposed to "I'm going to change my bra and pants"?

Someone for whom the former didn't work if you read the OP properly.

I find it a bit strange that you are announcing to the household every time you want to get changed. Even more so that you are specifically saying I'm going to change my bra and pants. For a curious 8 year old, that's almost an invitation.

These were my thoughts exactly.

I'm quite relaxed about bodies anyway, and have an 8yr old niece who I just get changed (discretely obviously) around sometimes anyway, without making a big deal out of it.

do you really believe that this could be a safeguarding issue? And eight year old seeing her step mother change clothes?

No need to @ me. And yes, if anyone - child or Mother or even the DP in some circumstances - wanted to use and misinterpret it as such it could be.

She probably thinks you are scoffing a big chocolate bar! Kids are nosey and curious and don't like missing out on things, I'd perhaps change in the bathroom or something if you feel uncomfortable however I don't think it's anything to be concerned about.

I think it’s because you have made a massive announcement so she’s naturally curious and wonders what on Earth you have to hide. If you just slipped off to quietly get changed she probably wouldn’t follow.

You could always buy a lock for the door.

She's 8 and probably body curious. Sit and have a quiet chat with her and say you've noticed her watching you get changed and ask if there's anything concerning her or if she has any questions about growing up. Maybe she wants to know about how the body changes and is not comfortable/embarrassed to ask her mum.

Not sure why you are getting so many weird answers. To answer your question, yes it's normal. Just say, I'm getting changed, I'll let you know when I'm done.

No need to @ me

You’re going to get “@“ed if you’re the only one on the thread making potentially worrying claims about what constitutes a safeguarding concern,

What on earth is wronging with tagging you for clarification? The poster was perfectly polite. (Not that I can see the slightest safeguarding concern - just a deficit of common sense).

Another one that thinks that the announcing of getting changed particularly what items of clothes is a bit strange? It's your home, get changed if you want. If you don't want anyone to see, then shut the door.

Door bolt, £2.99p at screwfix, sorted.

She's just curious.

Tbh you sound a bit immature

Kids are curious and she is obviously fond of you.

Don’t shame her
Either just don’t be secretive and let her see/ it’s just a body
Or of you don’t feel comfortable with that just lock the door.

Why are you announcing you are changing your pants ffs!