Step daughter spies on me

[ifeeluncomfortable]

I have name changed for this...

I'm 25 and have an 8 year old step-daughter. Relationship has always been good and have another 7 year old stepdaughter and have a 2 year old myself. Recently we their dad has popped out with the children for a bike ride / walk, if I stay at home she wants to stay with me. Initially I thought she just didn't want to go but it happened more and more where she would go places if I wasn't going, me and her dad thought it was nice and she obviously wanted to stay with me and build the relationship even more.

A few time I have been getting changed in my room so will call out to the girls and tell them not to come in, 8 year old always comes in and says oh sorry I forgot which I did believe, until this morning when her dad took the other two to pick up some breakfast so I said "Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in" she said "ok I'll shut the door" I noticed she didn't shut it properly but heard her footsteps walk away. I heard some creaks and I could see her eyes peering through the gap in the door!!!

I told her dad and he said she probably wants to see what a women looks like, which I do get but she has a mom who I'm sure is a bit more open with her body around them.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it but I just feel a bit weird about it now and I feel terrible, this sounds so crazy I promise I'm not a troll!! Mumsnet can confirm!!

AIBU??

Not surprised to see sarcastic and standoffish responses to the OP. MN is full of rude and miserable people lately.

OP, I also think it's probably a case of body curiosity. Get a wedge for the door and that should put an end to it.

No need to over-complicate this.

Yes it's fairly normal curiosity.
No it's not really acceptable.
No need to mention it to her.
Just get a wedge or a lock for the door. Wedge probably easier.

category12 Sun 24-May-20 12:15:10
Just go to your room, shut the door, change. If they barge in, shoo them out and tell them about privacy. Stop being so weird about it.
...
That.

You're making an issue out of nothing. Don't announce you are going to change underwear, that is seriously weird. Just do it. Why are you changing underclothes without bathing anyway?

You're very young to have such big stepdaughters and it shows.

She's just curious. She could be reaching puberty herself?

Maybe she doesn't ever seem her mum undress. Maybe you're body is different to her mum's and she learning how bodies are different etc.

Stop announcing you're getting dressed. Get dressed before your DH goes out.

If it happens again just have a little chat with her as soon as it happens (once you're dressed though of course ) and say that you understand she's learning about bodies etc. Is there anything she'd like to talk about. And emphasise the importance of privacy.

Just take the appropriate measures. Close your door when you're getting changed and don't announce what you're going to be doing, just do it.

What is your concern here? She lacks boundaries? She has an attraction to you?

Shut the door yourself.
Do not say your going to change.
If she opens the door just ask her to let you have a second to change.
If she does it a second time just invite her in and ask her if anything is worrying her.
Your not her mum but you can be her friend.

She does need talking to about privacy.

I do agree a bolt is a good idea but she's 8 and old enough to understand not watching people change.

I'd probably get her dad to do it. Not make a big deal of it, just have a talk about privacy.

Oh for goodness sake is MN bored today ? I mean I'm usually rather proud of being part of the vipers but this is the third thread today where people have become giant arses because presumably they are bored and feel the need to wilfully misunderstand and twist things . What's that phrase " ok satan let's take it down a notch sweetie". The OP was just asking !

OP its normal, I have two ds and they have a natural curiosity. It's not sinister. It's just curiosity.

We don't announce a clothes change partly because currently it is the only 5 minutes peace we get and it would be guaranteed that one of the DC would suddenly need something.

Dp never changes in front of them but has in the odd occasion not shut the door properly (as in pushed to rather than shut ) and found a little head pushed round the door. He just tells them it's not appropriate , to go back to their room and shuts the door.

If it were to continue I'd have a chat about boundaries and privacy.

It's not a bloody safeguarding (I find that fucking offensive having dealt with some truly awful safeguarding issues ....people really need to stop crying wolf. It overload services and seriously that's when stuff gets missed ).

OP don't stress it is normal , continuation then yes have a quiet word.

I think you're worrying a lot about nothing, she's just being a little curious maybe? Her own body could be starting to change and she might not really know what to do about it. I wouldn't make a huge deal about it with her as it could hinder your relationship down the line. What I would do is stop announcing you're going to get changed and changing your underwear, all the kids don't need to know, you can run upstairs and get dressed without them even noticing, you could also only get changed when your partner is in? Or you could just shut the door and either shove a wedge under so it can't be opened or put a little lock on the inside

‘You sound a bit immature’ well she is very young to choose to be saddled with a bloke who already has multiple kids. The brain only finishes development of its decision making area by the age of 25, helping raise someone else’s pre pubescent kids is hardly the stuff any 25yr old dreams of.
I can’t bear that type of kid that sneaks around, why didn’t you say ‘close the door right now’ when you saw her lurking? Her parents would have ‘got upset’? Get upset right back at them, ffs.

Completely normal for an 8 year old girl to be curious about womans bodies. Announcing you are changing pants and bra is just making her more curious about what a bra is and how/why you are changing it and why you need to hide it. Maybe her mum is equally private and she doesn't understand why.

I can remember, while staying with relatives, my mum asking me and my sister put our heads under the duvet while she got changed and me peeking out to see what she had to hide.

She is only 8, you've been in her life since she was only 4, as a mother figure it is a shame you still feel so uncomfortable around her.

Step mothers get an often unfair and unnecessary hard time here, OP.

It's just not an issue. Children are curious about everything including adult bodies. There's nothing perverted about it. But if you don't like it, that's fine, just say in a loud but friendly voice, 'Oi, I can see you peeping at me, cheeky!' Then tell her in a nice voice that it's not polite to watch people getting dressed and undressed, especially if they asked you not to.
And get a wedge for the door.

This thread feels off to me.

Just buy a lock for the door and stop being over dramatic.

A family chat regarding respecting privacy and about knocking. Not directed at her.
Perhaps she has been hearing a bit about puberty and has questions but has no one to ask?
Is mum quite honest?
Maybe she feels she needs a bra, (she obviously doesn't, but might just be curious).
I remember being curious about bodies when I was young but it's because I had no one who I could talk to as my mother would shut down conversation. To the point where when I got my first period, I hid my knickers In my room. My mother found them and called me fucking disgust but never acknowledged the fact that I didn't know what was happening.

Idiot or pervert, I wonder which. Hmm.

I think it's a bit odd you feel so uncomfortable and call it spying in an eight year old girl. This is a big creepie.

She's 8 and curious. She probably really thinks you're an amazingly cool person and is fascinated by you. Honestly, just close the door and lock it. What she isn't, OP, is 5. She's not a little kid, so it is really time to lay down the law about privacy because she too will need to understand her right to this herself. It just doesn't need to turn into a weird shaming thing. I remember when I was a teenager and I'd summer at my aunt's island cottage which had an outdoor shower (with curtain). But my two little cousins (about 7 and 9 at the time) discovered that they could peep down at me from their dormer window above. Total curiosity. Annoying and weird, yes, but normal at that age.

Why do you need to announce your getting changed? I bet if you didn’t she either wouldn’t know so the situation wouldn’t happen or she won’t be interested as you haven’t made out it’s a thing.

Also, at 8, my own DD had breast buds and they caused her pain and discomfort. She was quite perplexed by them. She came to me and told me about what was bothering her. But maybe your stepdaughter doesn't have anyone to talk to about her concerns and curiosities about her own body.

Has the bathroom door got a lock?
Can you go in there?

You’re going to get “@“ed if you’re the only one on the thread making potentially worrying claims about what constitutes a safeguarding concern

I have a busy email and don't need your shit adding to it.

And it could be potentially misused in the wrong hands.

Depending on how you feel about being nude around other females and what is normal in the child's homes, I would probably opt for getting changed without the door being closed.
If you're not comfy with it, give her a job whilst you're getting changed. Putting something away, doing a craft etc. If she turns up then you can say "how you getting on with X craft?" She might then see it as a chance to talk or to leave.
She's being a perfectly healthy 8 year old and you are being very respectful of her development etc.
If she has aunts and older cousins etc she's likely to have been in this situation before, perhaps when staying over or swimming etc.

I wouldn't be happy with that either op. I'd speak to her about it. I wouldn't want to feel like I had to lock doors to get changed in my own house