Step daughter spies on me

[ifeeluncomfortable]

I have name changed for this...

I'm 25 and have an 8 year old step-daughter. Relationship has always been good and have another 7 year old stepdaughter and have a 2 year old myself. Recently we their dad has popped out with the children for a bike ride / walk, if I stay at home she wants to stay with me. Initially I thought she just didn't want to go but it happened more and more where she would go places if I wasn't going, me and her dad thought it was nice and she obviously wanted to stay with me and build the relationship even more.

A few time I have been getting changed in my room so will call out to the girls and tell them not to come in, 8 year old always comes in and says oh sorry I forgot which I did believe, until this morning when her dad took the other two to pick up some breakfast so I said "Right I'm getting dressed, I need to change my bra and pants so don't come in" she said "ok I'll shut the door" I noticed she didn't shut it properly but heard her footsteps walk away. I heard some creaks and I could see her eyes peering through the gap in the door!!!

I told her dad and he said she probably wants to see what a women looks like, which I do get but she has a mom who I'm sure is a bit more open with her body around them.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it but I just feel a bit weird about it now and I feel terrible, this sounds so crazy I promise I'm not a troll!! Mumsnet can confirm!!

AIBU??

I am now annoyed at myself for rising to this kind of poster😊😊😊.

I need to get some exercise.

It's bad manners to @ posters randomly.

But surely it is standard to @ someone when replying to particular comments they have made?

YetAnother I think you can change your settings to stop emails coming through when you're tagged.
You were quite unnecessarily rude to pp. HTH

I think that by announcing you're getting changed, you’re kind of making it a big deal when It isn’t. I would just ignore for now and just get changed without announcing it in future.
Is her seeing your body a big deal though?

A few nights ago my 15 month old put my bra on her head, announcing it was a "hat" while I was changing.

Maybe being less secretive about it would help? Don't announce your getting changed, just got close the door. If she comes in, just continue what you were doing and don't react - just act like she came to you while you were cooking dinner or something, and ask her what's up.

From the way you are acting it could instill in her, an idea that being naked is shameful and something that needs to be announced to make sure noone sees.

The conversation around privacy etc will naturally come up over time, as will any questions she wants to ask you. You are one of her main role models so she's looking at you for guidance when she doesn't fully understand what's going on with herself potentially.

KatherineJaneway Sun 24-May-20 13:33:51
It's bad manners to @ posters randomly.

But surely it is standard to @ someone when replying to particular comments they have made?
....
No, it's unusual. When I reply to someone I embolden or highlight their name in some way. I'm not setting myself up as an expert on such things but @ means 'at', no more than that and seems a pointless appendage in this sort of context. I don't want to be called, "At Lynda", I'm Lynda.

Hahah I agree woth @ElectricTonight fwiw I dont understand why youre making a big deal about it, if you're not comfy changing in front of your kids then buy a lock for your door. Stop announcing everytime you're off to do something, and just go to your room, lock the door, get changed and scoff your big chocolate bar

Okay I won’t use it again😊. I simply use it because the names come up in a drop down menu And it’s easier. I had no idea it caused offence and raging anger.

I also think the poster in question (Who cannot be named😊) is a bit hypocritical to call me out for bad manners while calling me a fuckwit😊.

But then again why am I surprised by double standards on mumsnet.

I am going for a run.

Odd to announce it and odd to leave door adjar if it's an issue for you.

Is this @ a new thing. I don't remember seeing it before. But in the last few weeks it's rife. It seems rather rude IMHO. But I don't think people mean to be. Just copying others.

How about having a rule that when a door is shut, you knock and wait before going in? Then everyone respects everyone else's privacy, and it's not just about you and her. My 2 yo understands that when a door is shut, you knock on it.

Lynda
Some posters may find it rude and they are not obliged to receive emails. These people are easy to identify as they do not appear on the @ list in the drop down menu.

Bottom line rather than call posters our for using a facility, which has been provided for everyone to use, you would be better turn the facility off and your name will no longer appear in the drop down down menu. I can see you have not done this.

I would guess she looks up to you and possibly thinks your beautiful. She may even have a crush. Probably the easiest thing to do is just get changed in the bathroom with the door locked until you get a lock put on the bedroom door. She’ll grow out of it.

She's curious!!!
My stepdaughters spy on my body all the time, and I think it's natural. They somehow know the changes their bodies will go through and wanna see what's coming kind of.
I would not freak out over that.

Isn't @ a pretty standard thing on messages boards, whatsapp etc? It's definitely easier to use @ when replying to a post. Never considered it to be rude, not sure why some do

OP some people are just rude

Your post is completely reasonable but SMs get some hate on MN!

If you came on here saying your daughter or younger sister was looking through the door when you were getting dressed you’d get different responses!

I have to say I have a very different definition of manners and what is rude😊.

I had not intention of causing offence. And to be honest reading back through the posts I think the only posts which displayed bad manners by my definition are those form Spartacus.

I do think to those who feel this is an offensive tool (which in my experience has been used on mumsnet for quite some time) need to report this. I think there will be posts of misunderstandings as 5e majority of people don’t seem to find it offensive.

After the experience on this thread with this particular poster I won’t use it again. But I won’t be offended when others use it with my name. I simply see it as a way to highflier a response it to me.

Good job this thread has been completely sidelined by weirdos objecting to being @tted.

I was waiting for the big reveal that OP has a dick and balls despite reserving the right to be called a step mum blah blah etc etc.

Itwasntme
Please stop concerning yourself. It’s easy for those, who object to turn this off in settings. If people haven’t done this and don’t want to be contacted by @, this forum is too big to remember who does and who doesn’t.

@Itwasntme1 I didn’t realise it was rude to @ tag someone either. I thought it was how you respond to someone!

Probably is if someone doesn’t like what you’re saying then they won’t like you tag him them but I’m on a number of support threads where the supportive thing is to individually tag people to respond to their questions / comments and ask how they are etc

OP some people are just rude

I totally agree. You are entitled to privacy. It is not your problem to fix either. Tell you DP and/or the girls' mother. Tell them you are concerned and embarrassed and want it ended. Make it public and make it known that you are not happy and not encouraging it in any way.

From the way you are acting it could instill in her, an idea that being naked is shameful and something that needs to be announced to make sure noone sees.

Alternatively, it could help instil the notion that people are entitled to privacy and that some people don't want to undress in front of others. I disagree that the question of privacy will come up 'naturally' - it may not, if situations that could prompt discussions of privacy don't tend to naturally arise.

Wanting privacy when naked isn't at all the same thing as thinking nakedness is shameful, and at some point kids need to be helped to understand this distinction too.

I've an 8 year and never shut the door when I get changed. She still showers with me. I think you're making a big deal of it. When I stay at my dsis house me and dc share a room with my niece (7). I'd get changed in front of her too.

When I was young I used to look at my sister sometimes when she got changed. She is 7 years older than me and we shared a room. I was fascinated with her grown up body (not in a weird way, just curious as to how it was so different to mine). I think your step daughter is perfectly normal and just curious is all. Please don't embarrass her (or you) by making a big deal about it and just accept it for what it is. If it bothers you so much just get a lock put on your door - job done. X

Also just to say...by taking a relaxed approach to this you're sending a really beneficial positive message to her (and eventually your own child) that they shouldn't be embarrassed about their body - female bodies are not shameful etc etc hope you get the point...