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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws moving next door

533 replies

Lotsofluv · 23/05/2020 16:16

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

OP posts:
Lavenderpurple · 23/05/2020 16:33

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I couldn’t cope. I’d feel the same with my own parents too.

MsChatterbox · 23/05/2020 16:33

No thank you! How thin are the walls? I can hear my neighbours peeing! Couldn't stand not having any privacy at all.

Apolloanddaphne · 23/05/2020 16:34

I would start growing a high hedge immediately!

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2020 16:35

You have a massive husband problem.

My husband thinks it will be fine and they won’t even see them much

Is he insane? Why does he think they bought the house right next door? Of course they are expecting to see you all the bloody time. If they wanted space, they never would have bought that house!

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/05/2020 16:36

How awful for you. I’d hate that. I think you’re going to have to grin and bear it. If it really doesn’t work out, there is the option to move.

icelollycraving · 23/05/2020 16:37

Lots of bamboo for screening, disconnect the doorbell and under no circumstances give them a key.

Original poster
Lotsofluv · 23/05/2020 16:37

We have only lived here 3 years was supposed to be our forever home, we have 3 children and are perfectly happy other than this situation now.
I think my in-laws would never ask how I felt about them moving next door as I’m sure they are of the attitude that I have no right to tell them where they can or cannot live 🙄.

OP posts:
NotStayingIn · 23/05/2020 16:38

Oh my god I’m so sorry. That’s crazy. I would HATE this so much. And I can’t believe how casually your DH brushed your fears aside. It’s not even just about actually seeing them lots, it’s about knowing they could pop up any time. I would not be relaxed anymore in my own home. He is completely minimising the real impact this has. Dickhead.

Gremlinpoop · 23/05/2020 16:38

Move! No way in hell could I live next door to my MIL.
I assume you are aware they have basically decided you will be caring for them in old age with this move. Are you ok with that? If not you absolutely have to move .

Subordinateclause · 23/05/2020 16:38

My parents in law live 5 mins away (our choice to move here) and whilst it's generally lovely at times I find it stifling. I particularly don't like them knowing all the tiny ins and outs of our lives, like every time I went for an interview when job hunting. They are so kind and would be mortified if they knew this, but sometimes it just feels like I want to live a separate life to them without them knowing every detail. I would feel the same about the glass of wine in the garden. I think you'll need to set really firm boundaries in place, starting with asking them to text before popping up all the time at the moment.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2020 16:39

You are going to have set ironclad boundaries from the moment they move in, and hopefully your husband will support you in this but I have my doubts about that.

saraclara · 23/05/2020 16:41

So when it was clear that they actually WERE interested, did you say anything to them or to your husband?

I would absolutely hate it. My in-laws were the loveliest people, but I couldn't have loved next door to them, either! It's about independence and privacy.

Original poster
Lotsofluv · 23/05/2020 16:41

Mschatterbox
I am lucky that we both have detached houses so thin walls are not a problem, thankfully.
Still only a fence between the gardens though, think it’s the summer months I’m dreading the most☹️

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/05/2020 16:41

You need a massive fence.

saraclara · 23/05/2020 16:41

Lived, even!

cptartapp · 23/05/2020 16:42

SIL and BIL live next door to PIL. Great when the DC were young with free childcare on tap. Not so much now the DC are teens and GP still feel they should still be completely involved and informed about every aspect of their lives. No special relationship there, just enmeshment, frustration and growing resentment.
SIL and BIL would really like to move but PIL are growing older and expecting 'payback' and practical help. They feel so beholden so are stuck, with an ever growing list of demands and expectations to look forward to. Horrendous situation.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/05/2020 16:42

I'd casually drop in conversion with dh how sad I am about our sex life going out the window because of course you could possibly relax enough knowing they will hear you both.

Devlesko · 23/05/2020 16:42

They spoke to your dh and he agreed to it, they kept you in the dark, by the sounds of things.
If my dh did this there would be a for sale sign going up, seriously.
he should have tried to put them off and told them no.
Of course they can buy wherever they like, but I'm sure they wouldn't have if he'd have said too close for us.
I'm not surprised your dh thinks it will be no problem. Keep your door closed and tell him the minute they invade your privacy you're off.

HollowTalk · 23/05/2020 16:43

It's really, really unfair of them to do this, given you now want to move. To be honest, if you can move, I would start to plan that now.

Dora26 · 23/05/2020 16:44

And under no circumstances give them a key!! Aaaaagh my in-laws next door would probably spell the end of my marriage

LonginesPrime · 23/05/2020 16:44

I'd move out before they move in.

TwentyViginti · 23/05/2020 16:45

Oh no. I feel so sorry for you. It seems your DH is onboard with having his parents live next door, despite your misgivings. Is he a bit of a mummy's boy in general?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2020 16:45

Honestly, I highly doubt that any PIL's who would buy a house right next door to their child and their spouse without the couple's blessing will have any respect of boundaries.

Procrastination4 · 23/05/2020 16:45

My “in-laws” bought the house next door to us also. My daughter-in-law and son, that is😂 However, because the houses are detached things are actually fine though i was a bit concerned initially.

Devlesko · 23/05/2020 16:46

Have just thought they will expect you to look after them in old age, not dh.
How old are they, does dh have siblings?
If not you better get dh told now, that it will be his responsibility not yours.