In-laws moving next door

[Lotsofluv]

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

I love my in laws, but I would absolutely not be happy with this. I obviously couldn't stop them moving next door to me, they have every right to live wherever they want - but so do I and I'd be moving because I need some privacy, especially in my own home and garden! Everyone needs their own space, this is seriously encroaching on your headspace never mind your physical space. Maybe the same area but I'd want some distance even if a few streets!

Did they ask if you would have an issue beforehand? As I said you can't stop them but surely to goodness nice people would have the self-awareness to check this with their DIL before buying considering buying the house next door to them...

My now exh bought a house right across from where his DM worked. We'd not been together long so I had no say. It was a nightmare! Every time someone knocked the door she'd see. Her desk was in front of the window so she had full view of our house. She'd then phone me 'oh so and so knocked, everything ok??'. She knew if I was in or out or had visitors. ExH best friend popped in to see me one day wanting advice about a girlfriend issue. She waited for him to leave before calling me to find out what was going on (I never told her). It was a nightmare in business hours! She called in on her way to work, during her lunch and again after work. I'd dread to think how bad it would be if she'd lived that close too! I'd genuinely have to move! (Well, I did in the end, after I left her abusive son!)

Put your house in the market and move.
I would.

Gosh that shows a huge lack of sensitivity on their part, unless of course DH encouraged them.
I would be very uncomfortable with any family that close, we need our space, room to breathe, fight, laugh - just live.
I agree with others, you & DH need a frank chat and then he needs to explain it to ILs.

Bamboo, you need lots of bamboo plants, they grow and spread, they're dense.
There was a house for sale at the back of my son and daughter in law, it was a renovation job too. I would have loved to move in and get the house sorted out. I love house renovation. But under no circumstances would I move that close. I love my daughter-in-law, she's a fabulous person and a great mother but no. Just no.
It's really unfair that they've done this and your H thinks it'll be ok, is he mad.
Bamboo plants will be of help here. Get them planted now before they move in.

LouLouloo

You are right, I am too worried about what they think, you have just said exactly what my husband says to me🤣 he says so what🤷🏼‍♀️ Don’t worry about what they think, I think I worry about them talking about me to extended family too, I don’t know why I’m so bothered but I carnt help how it makes me feel, I get so angry and start shouting at my husband 😔...
I did say to my husband I didn’t think it was a good idea when it was first mentioned about the house but he just said it will be fine, they won’t bother us. I don’t want to let my in-laws know how I feel as I think they will think I’m just being awkward as they are not like me and don’t mind people popping in etc.

Worst nightmare. Out of all the people I know and love, there is no one I'd like to see move next door to me. With the possible exception of my husband. He could move out and go next door.

I’d have to move. Seriously. If it was my family or my in laws and I love them both. I just couldn’t hack that.

I would hate this. I would never be able to completely relax and would feel like I was being watched and judged all the time. I don't even like my own parents knowing what I'm doing all the time.

I would seriously consider moving.

Fuck no.

And they should be having a cup of tea from you/using your toilet as that’s not allowed under social distancing. Tell them it’s stoppi for those reasons, if they kick off you know what it’ll be like when they move and you tell them to sell it and make a profit or rent it or you’ll move

Put your house on the market now!

I don’t know why I’m so bothered but I carnt help how it makes me feel

You're bothered because your home will become a cage and/or a fish bowl. Your privacy will be gone and you will feel constantly on edge. Anyone who values their privacy and autonomy would feel this way.

they are not like me and don’t mind people popping in etc

Fuck me. This is a nightmare.

Are they definitely planning to live there rather than resell or rent it out?

It’s worth thinking ahead about issues such as them expecting a key to yours, letting themselves in unannounced, making a gate from their garden to yours so it’s easier to come over, etc etc.

If your husband is super relaxed about these things then you are going to have more battles ahead.

They are bound to expect a key, even if ‘only for emergencies, like all neighbours...’

they have been very generous to us over the years

And will expect payback now. Possibly being lined up as future carers.

At this point in my life, I kind of wish my in-laws would move to our neighborhood, but not next door.

That sounds horrendous OP, pretty sure I wouldn’t cope with that. Would probably be the end of my marriage.

Leylandii. Only way.

they have been very generous to us over the years

"And will expect payback now. Possibly being lined up as future carers."

@TwentyViginti Exactly my thoughts. I'd bet my life on it.

1forsorrow

I think them being 5-10 minutes walk away would be fine, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, it’s right next door that’s bothering me.
Also, I keep thinking when they have other family members visiting them, are they going to be saying “oh so and so Is here we will bring them round to say hello” 😫 disturbing my plans for the day😡.

I think that is such an unbelievable invasion of your privacy and so disrespectful.

Start as you mean to go OP.

You had better have your husband on side because it is very strange that this doesn't seem to have warranted a conversation with you.

Highly suspicious.

By moving in beside you, they completely disregarded any choice in the matter that you may have.

You do have a choice as to the manner in which you will conduct your relationship going forward.

Are they going to drop in when, and how they like at any time?

I would absolutely be so allergic if this was to start.

I really like my in laws, but I sure as hell wouldn't want them or my family right next door.

OP, the very worst thing you could do is HOPE everything works out.

I think you are being manoeuvred and appointed as future carer without any conversation with you.

I would be highly suspicious that your husband has okayed this with them without your knowledge.

Wishing you luck, I think you are definitely going to need it.

WORST. NIGHTMARE. EVER!!! Sorry OP I really feel for you 💐

Move

I once literally broke up with a fiancé whom I otherwise adored - over his mother staying at ours for a month and helping herself to my jeans and to my moisturiser without even asking. And him not seeing the problem.

It was at that moment that my entire potential life flashed by before my eyes. Futurw MIL inviting herself on holidays and him thinking it's not a big deal. Me, wanting to give birth to our future children in peace - and his mother insisting on attending the birth with his full support. Going out for a few drinks on a weekend - and his mother wanting in on my night out with friends ...

... no, it probably wouldn't have been quite as awful as I imagined it - but him refusing to support me when she helped herself to my stuff made me run for the hills. I'm not remotely sorry I did.

OP, you need to get your husband firmly on your side on this one! If you don't, or if he tried to weasel his way out of a response either way, you're risking years of feeling guilty and uncomfortable.

I would tell my husband the house would be sold to move together or for divorce.

His choice.

Fwiw, this is actually worse than Everybody Loves Raymond. They were across a big American street and 2 big American front yards.

These people will be "British Next Door". They could hear you flush. 😱😱😱

Trellis on the fence NOW! Build a gazebo. Get your arse to the garden for evergreen climbers and hedging - this is essential (semi joking!!). Build a barrier to drink wine in peace.