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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people living alone have been appallingly neglected?

366 replies

TurtleTortoise · 21/05/2020 12:23

From the beginnning of lockdown, they have allowed children to move between households. Children were allowed to potentially spread covid (we didn't know then that they might not be spreaders) presumably because the risk of emotional harm from being separated from a parent was considered too great. So why the fuck, over eight weeks later, have they still not considered the harm being caused to people living alone?

There was a mention in the government document released last week that in the next stage, when schools open, they might change social rules for people living alone, eg. to be allowed to mix mormally with one household. For a start, WTF?? How on earth are those two things comparable enough that single people have to wait until multiple children and adults can be in a school before they can hug even ONE other person? If they delay schools going back, does that mean they'll forget us too? Are we supposed to wait until September? Shock

Secondly, I looked specifically for articles over the last week that may be speculating or have further information about this. The only thing I came up with was this: Like millions, I've paid a 'single penalty' in lockdown – so why is no one talking about it?

The last hug I had was on March 9 — yes, so important I know the date. I’m on my own and feeling it. No love, no human touch. No hugs, no hand-holding. I hate this. Touch makes us feel safe, calms us and releases the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin. I miss oxytocin.
...
Those of us who are alone “are in a uniquely difficult position right now,” she adds. “We are social creatures; we are programmed from birth to connect with other people — our whole biological system (brain, body and central nervous system) is hard-wired to form attachments with others. We need other people. What’s the worst punishment inflicted on people in prison? Solitary confinement."

This was the only relevant article that came up in my search. So why aren't there more? Why isn't anyone talking about it, or better still actually making policy to address it? How can they be allowed to do this to single people without breaking some kind of human rights thing about right to family life or something?

I am really struggling, as is probably obvious. I'm actively being traumatised by this, on top of pre-existing trauma. Meeting one person at a time from 2m away just doesn't cut it. Why haven't they recognised the importance of human touch? And anyway, anyone can do that - why havent they considered people living alone specifically, before others? Why must we wait until it's safe for everyone to meet, when we have greater need and lower risk in terms of the number of people we'd pass it on to?

It seem so cruel. As if it's not devastating enough already to be without partner and children! Now our close friends and loved ones are torn away by this cold-hearted government, and no-one seems to care.

OP posts:
ChocolatelyAsFuck · 23/05/2020 14:39

People who are suicidal don’t think it’s “a relatively small ask” though, that’s the entire point.

For some people, lockdown has been catastrophic. Diminishing that by saying it’s not a big deal to stay inside for a bit is extremely unhelpful.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/05/2020 15:03

So for some, lockdown and isolation is unbearable. They are demanding it be eased so that they can socialise, hug someone, feel better. But then those of us who are shielding are facing that very isolation for months, maybe longer. What should we be demanding so that our isolation can end? Oh that's right - nothing. We will just be expected to deal with it. At least you can go.out op. You can see other people even if it's six feet apart.

BumpBundle · 23/05/2020 15:08

You really don't see the huge, massive and overwhelming difference between a child being allowed to see both of their parents regularly and you, an adult, being allowed to physically touch other people?!?!?!
Really?! Really?!!?

randomer · 23/05/2020 15:13

I see we are still playing Covid Top Trumps.

" I'm fed up"

Oh but Sophie is so much more fed up.

Liz is very fed up because her nan died of Covid.

on and on it goes, totally pointless. OP, I have messaged you.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/05/2020 15:23

I don't see it as top trumps. It's just that giving freedom to one group removes freedom, or the chance of freedom, from another group. People only seem to care about the group that they are in though.

Lynda07 · 23/05/2020 15:27

randomer, well done with your post. You summed it up.

If I was in dire straits, I think I might break lockdown in order to see somebody regularly or even stay with if they were close enough. We could keep our distance within the house for a while but at least could talk to and do a few things for each other.

There are people who have absolutely no one in the world apart from colleagues and they're not currently seeing them. They have nobody they can telephone or even write to. If I knew someone like that who lived nearby I would visit once or twice a week, sanitise before and after, take my own flask and sandwich. We could watch a film, chat, listen to some music. No harm done and maybe a lot of good for that person's mental health (might do me some good too, who knows). I'd keep it all confidential too, I believe that is important.

There are local facebook groups that facilitate that sort of thing.

highmarkingsnowbile · 23/05/2020 15:43

Everyone is 'allowed' out unless they're in jail or under house arrest Hmm.

HesterShaw1 · 23/05/2020 15:46

There are some really nasty bastards on MN these days Sad

ChocolatelyAsFuck · 23/05/2020 15:56

Hearhoovesthinkzebras some of the posters complaining about isolation and the lack of support ARE in the shielding group.

Stop making it Shielders vs Isolated people.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/05/2020 16:20

ChocolatelyAsFuck

Some might well be, but others are not.

Everywhere on MN currently is the view that this has been done solely to protect the shielded who were about to die anyway so we should end this now and get life back to normal because people don't like having to stay at home. At which point, anyone still shielding will be forgotten about and most people who found lockdown hard will have conveniently forgotten who tough it was and still will be for the shielded.

How much sympathy do you think there will be for the shielded in the coming months once most people are able to get back to a semblance of normality?

randomer · 23/05/2020 16:23

You may well be 'allowed' out but sadly other factors kick in....depression,apathy, helplessness, a lack of confidence, just a basic losing of the ability to socialise and speak.

randomer · 23/05/2020 16:25

. It's just that giving freedom to one group removes freedom, or the chance of freedom, from another group

We are all human I think?

ChocolatelyAsFuck · 23/05/2020 16:29

Hearhoovesthinkzebras, I know. I’ve been fighting like mad against the judgmental anti-Shielders posts and threads. I’ve reported loads of comments for being ableist, and posted in several threads standing up for the rights of medically vulnerable people.

That doesn’t mean that emotionally vulnerable people are our enemy or that we are two separate groups.

MitchellMummy · 23/05/2020 16:34

I feel for you. I'm lucky that I have company at home, but I've lived on my own in the past, in a flat, and think that if this had happened then it would have been absolutely hellish for me. I think singles & flat dwellers should have been allowed to do more things - I don't have the magic answer but allowing such groups out would make more sense than saying that anyone can drive as far as they like (within England).

Shtella · 23/05/2020 16:45

This reply has been deleted

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ChocolatelyAsFuck · 23/05/2020 17:24

Can we please have one single thread that doesn’t get derailed bf someone dragging fucking trans issues into it?

Someone suicidal asking for a hand hold doesn’t need to be told they’re just like an evil gaslighting trans person forcing women to touch their genitals. And no one is “forcing people to die got their mental health.”

We’re honestly approaching, “oh you breathe oxygen?? You know who else breathes oxygen? Evil trans people!” levels of guilt by association. Hmm

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