Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people living alone have been appallingly neglected?

366 replies

TurtleTortoise · 21/05/2020 12:23

From the beginnning of lockdown, they have allowed children to move between households. Children were allowed to potentially spread covid (we didn't know then that they might not be spreaders) presumably because the risk of emotional harm from being separated from a parent was considered too great. So why the fuck, over eight weeks later, have they still not considered the harm being caused to people living alone?

There was a mention in the government document released last week that in the next stage, when schools open, they might change social rules for people living alone, eg. to be allowed to mix mormally with one household. For a start, WTF?? How on earth are those two things comparable enough that single people have to wait until multiple children and adults can be in a school before they can hug even ONE other person? If they delay schools going back, does that mean they'll forget us too? Are we supposed to wait until September? Shock

Secondly, I looked specifically for articles over the last week that may be speculating or have further information about this. The only thing I came up with was this: Like millions, I've paid a 'single penalty' in lockdown – so why is no one talking about it?

The last hug I had was on March 9 — yes, so important I know the date. I’m on my own and feeling it. No love, no human touch. No hugs, no hand-holding. I hate this. Touch makes us feel safe, calms us and releases the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin. I miss oxytocin.
...
Those of us who are alone “are in a uniquely difficult position right now,” she adds. “We are social creatures; we are programmed from birth to connect with other people — our whole biological system (brain, body and central nervous system) is hard-wired to form attachments with others. We need other people. What’s the worst punishment inflicted on people in prison? Solitary confinement."

This was the only relevant article that came up in my search. So why aren't there more? Why isn't anyone talking about it, or better still actually making policy to address it? How can they be allowed to do this to single people without breaking some kind of human rights thing about right to family life or something?

I am really struggling, as is probably obvious. I'm actively being traumatised by this, on top of pre-existing trauma. Meeting one person at a time from 2m away just doesn't cut it. Why haven't they recognised the importance of human touch? And anyway, anyone can do that - why havent they considered people living alone specifically, before others? Why must we wait until it's safe for everyone to meet, when we have greater need and lower risk in terms of the number of people we'd pass it on to?

It seem so cruel. As if it's not devastating enough already to be without partner and children! Now our close friends and loved ones are torn away by this cold-hearted government, and no-one seems to care.

OP posts:
HesterShaw1 · 21/05/2020 21:12

@MarginalGain that's lovely, thank you 😊

User57327259 · 21/05/2020 21:17

It was not until people started talking about the lack of human contact during lockdown was going to cause emotional problems that I realised that none of my family have hugged me for a long time. They are fine about "borrowing" money from me or expecting me to this or that but they just don't seem to do physical contact in a kindly way.
I have wanted a hug for reassurance and support in difficult times but it was not coming from family. This has been over a long time but I have only realised it once it was talked about in connecting with the CV19 and lockdown.
Perhaps my experience in lockdown has been that realisation.

fluffi · 21/05/2020 22:17

It seem so cruel. As if it's not devastating enough already to be without partner and children! Now our close friends and loved ones are torn away by this cold-hearted government, and no-one seems to care.

I'm living alone in a flat without a garden. I have no friends nearby who I could meet up with for a socially distant walk etc either. If there are limited social bubbles I fully expect my sibling to prioritise his in law's family because they can help look after DC to him and his wife can focus on wfh and be less stressed out!

The last people I saw "in person" were my colleagues in mid-March. I imagine it might be months before I see people again.

I don't think people who are living along have been neglected at all, there are people in much more difficult circumstances (jobless with families to provide for, single parents wfh & home-schooling primary school children) that need the Government's support and consideration far more than me.

But I'm also not "devestated" to be without a partner or children. I'd much rather live on my own unless I find the most amazing partner. So I think YABU,. Al though current situation is not ideall, its not cruel and not everyone who lives alone is tramatised or struggling.

HollaHolla · 21/05/2020 22:37

I live alone. I’ve not had physical contact with anyone since 19 March. I’m really feeling it now.
I’m working from home, shopping for parents and others in vulnerable groups, and chatting to friends on phone/zoom/WhatsApp - but it’s not the same. I feel like an outcast. As I’m not in a vulnerable group, or in a family group, I feel quite left out.

HollaHolla · 21/05/2020 22:39

I am, however, really lucky to have a roof over my head, can afford to heat and power my home, can afford to eat, am not living in fear of an abusive partner..... so I am so fortunate in other ways.

Cremebrule · 21/05/2020 22:44

I have to admit I didn’t really give a thought to people living on their own until Irealised it was an issue at our work. But, I’d also say I know lots of people that have broken the rules. I know lots of 20 somethings that have gone back to the family home and a few single people who have admitted to creating their own bubbles with other single households (eg I know a mother and a daughter who both live alone in 1 bed flats who have been seeing each other- if they’d been in bigger properties they’d have moved in together). I can’t blame any of them at all really.

I think it would be really interesting to know the stats on how many people have left London and the potential impact that’s had on the spread.

HesterShaw1 · 21/05/2020 22:46

HollaHolla, it's an internal conflict isn't it? Constantly chiding yourself because you know you are better off than the homeless, the sick, the abused, the poor, those in crowded accommodation - it's endless - also adds guilt to the sadness of not having any human contact.

callmeadoctor · 22/05/2020 00:27

Its hard OP, but what do you suggest the government should do? Unfortunately, yes it is hard for you, but you will get a load of posters that are having it harder, it stinks all around really! We just have to try and get through this. If i told you my story and what is happening , you would feel very guilty (I won't, but it involves a relative in hospital) You just have to keep going Im afraid......................

HollaHolla · 22/05/2020 01:41

@HesterShaw1 - totally! I feel lucky in so many ways... but doesn’t stop me feeling incredibly lonely. :( The eternal dichotomy!!

Grobagsforever · 22/05/2020 02:01

@callmeadoctor What an unpleasant, goading post. Telling the OP she'd feel guilty just because you have a sick relative. OP didn't cause your relative to be ill by feeling lonely.

OP I agree with you. I'm off to visit a single friend at the weekend. I shall sit in her garden. Boris can fuck off.

Yearcat13 · 22/05/2020 02:27

I dont think being alone in lockdown is any worse. Personally I love it. It's not long term and tbh I dont spend much time hugging colleagues and friends in normal life.

Astrid09 · 22/05/2020 02:46

OP have you been having any form of contact? For example my mum lives on her own and can't go out but me and DH take her things she needs and we chat from 2m away and check she is ok. My sister also helps out and chats regularly as well as my nephew. Yes. It's hard not being able to hug and I know this sounds silly but I put my arms round myself my mum does the same and tell her that's my hug. I'm happy knowing she's safe. With the lockdown eased you can meet up with others in a park for a coffee or picnic etc why isn't this enough. Missing hugs is tough but that doesn't mean you don't have any social contact. Do you have a friend you can meet up with?

Ravenesque · 22/05/2020 03:55

"Why isn't this enough?"

Maybe it should be but when you haven't had physical contact for over two months and don't know when you'll have it again it is really, really hard, especially if you're generally a very physical person. Unless you're experiencing it it's hard to describe how lonely it makes you feel. I'm alone and until recently, rarely felt lonely. Over the past couple of months I've felt it a lot. Obviously, I know that one can feel lonely with other people, a bad relationship for example - been there - can be soul destroying, but this is difficult.

I think that a lot of what OP is saying is that there's not much about people who are alone and how we deal with a different sort of difficulty. And of course most of us are fortunate to have a roof over our heads, etc, but many have the same other worries that those who aren't alone have, furloughs, will they still have a job, waiting for UC, etc.

I speak to friends who are further away, a friend who lives ten miles away drove down to spend time with me last week, and I have nice neighbours, but blah. I'm very mardy anyway because insomnia and I've also had vertigo since April 7th which has made me a bitch on wheels at times. Actually, when the bitch in me is in town I'm grateful that I'm alone and no poor fucker has it inflicted on them.

Anyway, ramble, ramble.Smile

DownADirtRoad · 22/05/2020 04:14

I’m very much sticking to the guidelines. But they are guidelines. If anyone is feeling so awful that it’s really affecting their wellbeing then I think they should just go against the guidelines. But they should be very honest with themselves. I would love to see my best friend, really love to, but I don’t ‘need’ to at the moment. I am not the happiest I’ve ever been but I’m ok. If either of us get to the stage where we feel like we’re at breaking point, we will see each other.

Destroyedpeople · 22/05/2020 04:22

Well I live alone and am grateful that I only have myself to feed, don't have children at home..am not stuck indoors with an arsehole partner. No offence but 'appallingly neglected'? Really? What did you expect, free rentahug? Honestly we are all so mollycoddled.
If you are that bothered by lack of company, break 'the rules'.

thesuperfluousone · 22/05/2020 04:29

What if you have nobody to break the rules with ? How do you stop feeling lonely then ?

Hannahmates · 22/05/2020 04:43

As a person living alone, people need to get over it. You won't die from no social interactions or "hugs" for a few months. You can possibly die from contracting this contagious virus. The UK has the highest death rate in Europe. Get over it.

Hannahmates · 22/05/2020 04:47

People have lost their minds. This is for your own safety and that of your family. I'm sticking to the rules because I value my health. A few months without social interaction is a small price to pay in exchange for not falling ill and possibly dying. Do people not understand the seriousness of the virus? If you do contract it and survive you will still end up having scar tissue in your lungs which might never go away. You won't have full lung capacity like before. You might still end up with permanent side effects.

Destroyedpeople · 22/05/2020 04:50

@thesuperfluousone...phone someone up I suppose.

I break the rules by doing my shopping in the town instead of the local shop and going to see a friend who also lives alone for a game of scrabble.

FOJN · 22/05/2020 06:38

I live alone and am usually very happy with the arrangement so I am surprised at how much I've missed physical contact with other people but I can't agree that single people are in a uniquely difficult position at the moment or that single people should be considered before others.

The whole world is in a uniquely difficult position at the moment and many people are being negatively affected by the measures put in place to control the spread of this disease. I don't think my single status should make me exempt from playing my part.

I wonder if in parts of the world where food, shelter and health care can't be so easily taken for granted if people dwell on an absence of hugs in their life. I'm not trying to be sanctimonious; I believe counting my blessings and naming them is a habit that serves my mental well-being so I do it daily. I am grateful that because of technology it's easier than it's ever been to maintain social contact with people.

ChocolatelyAsFuck · 22/05/2020 08:17

I am considered at very high risk of suicide

You won't die from no social interactions or "hugs" for a few months.

Wow what an arsehole thing to say to suicidal posters.

And what is this nonsense about everyone who survives COVID winds up with permanent lung damage. A high percentage of people who catch it don’t even have any symptoms and never know that they’ve had it.

TabbyMumz · 22/05/2020 08:25

"Why haven't they recognised the importance of human touch"

Of course they have, but what are the Government to do about that? Human touch spreads covid. I'm sure there would be plenty people on here blaming the government if hugging was allowed?!

Lovemusic33 · 22/05/2020 08:28

People have lost their minds. This is for your own safety and that of your family

Yes, people are losing their minds, we all know it’s for our own safety and safety of others but their comes a point when we have to come out of this, the risk is king to still be there, we can’t stay in until theirs a vaccine as that could take years? So people are going to go out of their minds, people are going to take their own lives, people are going to take a long time to recover from this. The number of cases are coming down slowly, they may rise again (who knows) but we can’t continue this craziness of isolating millions of people in their own homes until theirs a vaccine.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 22/05/2020 08:30

As a person living alone, people need to get over it. You won't die from no social interactions or "hugs" for a few months

Really? Have you never heard of suicide? Would you expect people who are feeling suicidal due to crippling loneliness to just get over it? I am, thankfully, not one of those people, but people who had fragile mental health to start with and who have no local friends or family they can meet in a park, might well be having suicidal thoughts.
Would you also tell the isolated, lonely elderly people, who Age UK was telling us about in their adverts even before this lockdown, to just get over it once this is over? It has been 2 months so far, it could be several more before I am permitted to be closer than 2m to someone and can be with them for longer than the limit of my bladder.

People are fixating on hugs (I assume typing it as 'hugs' is to indicate how silly you think wanting a hug is}. Although they have been mentioned a lot it isn't just hugs. It's any kind of human touch or in person interaction - a reassuring touch of the arm, an encouraging hand on the shoulder, proper in person eye contact.

Like a PP I am not usually a lonely person. When I am not with people I am very happy to be alone, to entertain myself, and I enjoy alone time, including going on holiday alone. However, in normal circumstances it's only short term, and tomorrow, or next week, or in a few days I know I would see x, y or z friend or be at work surrounded by colleagues. At the moment I am in my current situation indefinitely, I have no idea when this is going to change and I think that is probably what is making the loneliness feel much worse - the uncertainty and lack of an end date.

Lovemusic33 · 22/05/2020 08:34

I agree, I haven’t had a hug for so long, just to be close or have physical contact is important to me, to hug my mum or my best friend.

We are affectionate creatures, sociable (most of us) and we are used to being in close proximity of others.