So..how do I deal with stealing. Aibu to punish for it

[MrsL1123]

So we have a large family (6 children) 2 adults.
My kids have all been brought up knowing it's wrong to steal,
Repeatedly my husbands daughter thinks it's acceptable to go into the kitchen at night and steal food. And when I say steal food I mean she's taking 3/4 bags of biscuits at a time. She's 9. I'm fully aware that taking food from the house isn't a huge crime however I don't want
Her thinking that this is ok. So how do I deal with it? I've tried speaking to her, tried explaining to her it's wrong as she's been caught many times. So how do I stop it happening? Do I punish her for it? Or what is everyone's thoughts? If all 6 children was to be allowed to do this then there would be no food left!
And before anyone starts it's not because she's not getting enough food in the day as all my kids all get 3 balanced meals a day plus multiple snacks throughout the day..and no one else feels the need to sneak into the kitchen at night and early morning to take food.

Ohhhh I see I'll have to go have a look 👀😂

Lemn Sissay was put into care by his parents for "stealing" biscuits. Really nice people though, not a bit awful.

@RedKite96
Wow are you actually comparing my situation to that??
Who said anything about my SDD going into care? Where has that even come from? I'm slightly worried about your response as I've no idea why that would even be a reply? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dont worry @MrsL1123, @RedKite96 is one of those nasty people who has only ever written horrible things in reply to others' posts. A quick search of the Username shows you that. Ignore.

😂😂Why is that situation relevant to this one. Doubt Op is going to pack the kids bags and send her on her way over biscuits. She's helping the girl not throwing her out

@RedKite96 what are you waffling on about? Are you on the wind up?
Op wants to stop her daughter eating biscuits at night not get rid of her. Some people are desperate for a reaction

@overworkedandstressed

That made me laugh 😂😂😂 what are you waffling on about 😂😂

@MrsL1123 It was waffle. Either Tonz is right and RedKite96 said it for a reaction or she thought it was relevant to your problem so she has the intelligence of a cheese slice. Either way she was waffling. Glad it made you laugh though

Ah well it shut her up though didn't it 😂😂
No time for silliness 🙄 shouldn't even have dignified it with a reply

Your reply was fine. Probably just not the one she wanted. She probably wanted you to be outraged so she could wind you up

Oh I've definately been wound up with some of the replies on here.
It just boggles my mind how some people can be so judgemental and nasty to someone who clearly just wants some support, I was under the impression that's what Mumsnet is for, clearly some use it just to put people down though which is a shame and would definately make me think twice about posting something so personal in the future..
I'm not new here and I've seen it lots of times before on other posts but just naively thought I wouldn't get any horrible replies or that if I did it wouldn't bother me, I'm aware everyone has an opinion and that's fine I respect that, but would stop myself voicing mine if I thought it would upset someone.

God some people are mental! There’s nothing wrong with a child asking for a snack. No wonder there’s so many entitled brats around if they’re allowed to just take what they like when they like. Teaching manners and snack control is a great idea OP, you sound a thorough and caring step mum, ignore the hysteria on this thread!

Thank you.
Maybe just a difference in upbringings but I've always been taught that way therefore have taught my kids the same..
I don't think it's unreasonable or mean, my children need to learn that there are boundaries and rules and they need to abide by them. That's not cruel imo, quite the opposite I think actually cos as you said there are so many children nowadays that don't respect rules or authority at all and don't want that for any of our children

Hi OP I joined Mumsnet to comment on this.
I have a 9yo DD and she went through a phase about a year ago where she would take food without asking and also try out things from the bathroom and my room without asking, eg perfume, hairspray. I think its partly to do with the age and curiosity.
But I think its also to do with wanting independence. They are wanting to make their own choices at this age and being allowed to do things that seem exciting to them.

I found with my DD some things that really helped is having some things that she could choose eg let her pick the type of biscuits, let her earn some treats. She is allowed to try my things but the rule is she has to ask. So she can try my perfume but she must ask first.
She can choose a meal for tea and help make it etc.
Also they have some snacks they can always have without asking eg rice crackers, cucumber saltanas etc.
The above worked pretty well for a while and then CV hit- and then we had food restrictions and so many rules and then DD has started up with the pinching food again.

So anyway thats a different angle you might not have thought of. I know it wouldnt be easy with 6 kids to allow everyone to have their own choices for everything.

Theres a few topics on this if you do a search so yeah please remember it can be an age thing.

OP, is she drinking and urinating a lot too? If so get your sd checked for diabetes.

I can see the issue. While it is not stealing I do think it is an issue that needs to be addressed. Once any medical issues around food have been ruled out I would maybe also have a chat about the snacks she is picking and the choices around this that could be better etc. If it is a phycological issue maybe better coping mechanisms and maybe have a few snacks that are her snacks and for her to have control over when she eats them but once gone they are gone and she will need to wait till the next food shop. Explain that this is not to be mean but because you need to know what food is still in to plan for the rest of the week etc

@Dadtobe10

What's with the sarcastic comment?? How is that at all helpful?

People like you is exactly what ruins mumsnet. Why comment at all? Does it make you feel good about yourself that you have gave me some good solid "advice"

God forbid if you ever post on here genuinely needing support or SENSIBLE advice

How can you steal food from your own household?? She lives there, she can have food. You might not give her enough food and she is still hungry. Give her biscuits after dinner as a treat, then she won’t resort to “stealing”. If you keep biscuits and treats in the kitchen cupboard, children will be tempted by them (and adults too).
I am shocked by you post, and how you call her practically a thief for helping herself to biscuits! Good grief!

@Kalifa

You clearly haven't read the full thread

I feed all my children more than enough food, they get multiple snacks throughout the day and also have a bedtime snack of toast/fruit and hot chocolate/milk
If I was to allow all 6 children in this house to just help themselves as and when they like including during the night, then it would be constant and there would be no food left. That's not going to happen!

I do call taking something without asking stealing whether u agree or not and that won't change based on a couple of rude comments on this thread.

Please go away unless you have something constructive to say and actually know what your talking about. U have made assumptions on a snippet of our life which is written on here and really u have no clue!

@MrsL1123
Ignore the idiots don't even react. Fuck em

MrsL1123 clearly she is still hungry otherwise she wouldn’t take all those biscuits from the cupboard. If you have to feed 6 children maybe you are underestimating how much food 6 growing, active children need? And no, I haven’t read the full thread because you can’t expect me to read 12 whole pages of information that you should have put in your opening paragraph in the first place, which is called drip-feeding.

@Kalifa. If ud read the whole thread you would have seen Op has decided to up her food before bedtime, take her to Dr's incase she has underlying issues and have a talk with her. If op buys enough treats for 6 kids and 1 takes more than their fair share someone else goes without. Op also wants to break the nighttime eating habit. She's not trying to be cruel

@Kalifa
Wow 😂😂 this actually made me laugh 😂😂😂
If I was to put every piece of information about my life and my children in the opening post it would be pages long 😂 that's a very unrealistic thing for you to say!

So now I don't feed my children enough? It gets better!

Just because she's taking the food it doesn't mean she's hungry or I'm not feeding her enough there could be a multitude of reasons for her taking it, could be emotional eating, could be greed, could be purely for no other reason than that she can, could be based on her past household issues. No one knows, certainly not you 😂 I don't even know, which is why I'm doing my very best to get her the help or medical attention that she needs to get to the bottom of it!

I pity anyone who knows you in real life if you are this judgmental and rude in your everyday life. Or maybe it's just on here because your hiding behind a screen. I have been as patient as possible with this post and some of the awful replies people have posted, but it's getting silly now.

If you can't be nice then why bother?? I see hundreds of posts a day that I don't agree with or that have different opinions to me but don't and wouldn't post on every one voicing this.

@overworked

I know I shouldn't but it just makes me so angry 🙈 there is just no need!

Thanks @Tonz 💕💕