To tell DH I need a day off

[elbanabanana]

I just can't do it any more. I have an autistic 5yo and a toddler, the 5yo was f/t in a special school and the toddler did 2 short days with a childminder. I am a SAHM and f/t carer to the 5yo (who receives DLA, I get CA).

I just can't do it any more. The 5yo hates the toddler. The toddler gets pushed/hit. I can't have my eyes on both of them all day and that's what they both need. The 5yo has peeled the paint off walls in every single room in the house, it looks a fucking state. Everyone is tired and miserable.

DH is WFH right now due to COVID, self employed. They work in the study during the day, come out for lunch, drinks etc. They are working at the same pace that they did pre COVID and while I'm glad that they are getting work, their work has only changed in as much as they are staying home all day whereas mine has blown up exponentially due to no childcare/school.

I was managing ok pre COVID, just about finding my groove again and gearing myself up to apply for MA's that would build on the career I gave up when I realised that the 5yo was autistic and I would need to care for them. Everything has crashed down around my ears and I can't find a single second of any day where I am not on edge. My heart rate is through the roof all day, my Fitbit says I do my 10,000 steps without leaving the bloody house.

I KNOW DH has to keep working but he's not cleaning shit off toys (don't ask) or being slapped/kicked all day long. I fear him being defensive if I try to ask him for more

But I can't keep doing this. I'm unravelling.

Why the hell should the OP have to work out how to talk in the "right " way to her husband?
Even if he has undiagnosed ASD, that is NO excuse for his abusive behaviour.

Hope you’re managing to ignore the people who are being antagonistic. Sounds so full on and your husband sounds like he makes things worse. I hope you can get some support in this situation to make it easier. A day a week at school would be great. And then figure out a way to move forward in or out of your relationship.

Catmaiden - I agree the husband is being an arsehole. I just think that a different communication style may be helpful if he's (possibly) on the spectrum. For example, expecting him to read between the lines vs being clear with him about expectations.

(Source: my OH has Aspergers and can be very thoughtless. I have to be quite direct with him because he can't pick up on subtle hints or reading my mood)

You need to have equal down time. Reading while the kids sleep does not count as his share.

Op autism is often genetic with one of the parents having traits (looking at my own family). Is it likely he’s on the spectrum and in turn this makes the situation more complex

My adult DS has Aspergers so yes I very well understand the need to talk in a clear and unambiguous manner to him. He's also, at times, an abusive arsehole, which I will not accomodate.