Is anyone else not bothered by sex?

[Whatsupdog]

I’m embarrassed. And I feel weird. I’m a 29 year old women and I could quite happily take or leave sex. I like how it makes me feel connected to my partner (we’ve been together for years) and I like the cuddling after, but...meh. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think I’m asexual...but I don’t really masturbate or have sexual fantasies. I feel like a weirdo can anyone else relate?

Well I'm single childless & 43, on the pill & take anti depressants but still have a high sex drive (!never admitted that before!) but also have very low self esteem so I don't currently have a partner or FWB.

I can't be arsed either op. I never really bothered with masturbating and have never had an orgasm so I don't really know what I'm missing or care tbh. I hate it when people who are opposite come on these threads and put the boot in by going on how much they love sex, have multiple orgasms and question whether or not you are with the right partner. As others have said, I love my partner and still fancy him I'm just not bothered about sex although we still do it as its healthy for our relationship. I think if you have great sex then you are lucky however I have a great life and dont dwell on the fact that I've never been highly sexed. It's only ever been made an issue of on MN

Used to LOVE sex. Couldn’t get enough. Now firmly post menopausal and don’t care if I never have it again. Menopause coincided with divorce so at least I don’t have a partner pestering me for it!

I’m 37, have a young child and absolutely love sex. I miss it, as we only do it once a month. I’d like it once a week but DH’s sex drive appears to be lower than mine!

It’s always amazing when we get round to it.

I don’t know if it’s hormonal but I am 6 weeks pregnant and so incredibly horny!
Don’t want to risk having sex just yet though so have to sort myself for the moment haha.

Sex won’t do the pregnancy any harm.

My DH doesn’t pester for sex. Who are these men?

I used to feel like this in my 20's with my exH. I certainly do not feel like this in my 30's with DP. For me it was definitely down to how I felt about the person I was with, although I only realised that with hindsight.

I must be the odd one out. I am 45 and absolutely love sex and have it every day. I love it more than ever in the past few years but have always enjoyed it. It is better with the right person, there is making love and then there is passionate sex etc.

Everyone is very different. Maybe it's a hormonal thing? I have higher than normal levels of testosterone (tested due to polycystic ovaries) and I have a pretty high sex drive as does DH. Also depends on how good your partner is sexually.

" I love my partner and still fancy him I'm just not bothered about sex although we still do it as its healthy for our relationship. I think if you have great sex then you are lucky"

• whoa there

I appreciate this is your experience. I appreciate this is how your view things and I am not suggesting you must somehow view them otherwise.

I don't however agree that I or others are "lucky" if I have a great sex life. There's no luck involved in my humble opinion.

If you're not "bothered" by sex but you fancy your partner and just "do it" anyway as part of the relationship, then already it feels like it's being approached in a functional kind of way.

If you ate just to stay alive, you'd be disconnecting a whole range of senses. Most people don't just eat to stay alive. Many people savour, anticipate, salivate over food, dream and think about different foods and when they could have them, enjoy the taste afterwards and talk about it.

I don't see why sex has to be so much different. I think people who have great sex often approach it like food! They're hugely in touch with what they like, they seek it out and enjoy it openly with their partner, and they dismiss any notion of functionality about it (even though we all know the ultimate reproductive function inherent in the act).

If you think it's a bit shit, it might always remain a bit shit.

I wan to know what one feels like. People always go on about this amazing feeling and I’ve never felt it

I can recognise if someone’s good looking but i don’t feel attracted to them at all. I think I’m just broken

I identify with this. Could not get my head around wanting to have sex with a stranger no matter how much you saw them on screen you don't know them.

Like a pp i identify as demisexual, i can experience desire for people i know and have a connection with and i can sustain a relationship with a corresponding sex drive. Outside of a relationship or crush, nothing happens, no desire or anything.

There is such a wide range of human sexual experience. Never really appreciated this until recently.

I think no need for labels unless you find them helpful. You're just you.

My mind genuinely boggles at not ever having experienced orgasm tho. For me it is like saying you've never sneezed. There must, must, must be way unless you have some sort of sensorineural injury.

It's worth pursuing. It's a free good!

Those saying they've never had an orgasm: do you own a good vibrator?

How can you not have had an orgasm ever? Sorry if I'm being insenstive but have you never spent time exploring your body? I did it a hell of a lot in my teen years which I guess helped me be clear with partners what I do and don't enjoy.

Same. When I was in a relationship it was a huge issue. I just avoided sex as much as possible. When we decided to try for child I had to make myself go through it. Took 2 years to conceive. Ironically I was very horny during pregnancy but dp didnt want to!

Other than that I never got much satisfaction from it. Never orgasmed. Just felt ridiculous - like acting. And I'd feel annoyed at partner during it, I just wanted it to be over. So boring and faffy.

Single now at 43 and so pleased I dont have to put up with all that. I miss the company and cuddles on sofa but I'd rather stay single than invite all the obligatory Saturday snags back into my life.

How can you not have had an orgasm ever?

Shit sex?

How can you not have had an orgasm ever?

I don’t like the feeling of being touched there either by myself or someone else. I think I may have got near but freaked out. Sorry tmi

I am 42 and have been with dp, 43 for 12 years. From the start he was very weird about sex. Had the death grip issue and no experience. It’s never been good to be honest and he’s never made me orgasm via sex alone ever. We have a 9yr old and I often wonder how that happened!

I think he’s asexual.
I have lots of thoughts about sex with other people and daydreams etc. I know I’m not highly sexed in general though but it’s been well over a year. My mum has a better sex life than me.

I don’t miss “it” as such but I really miss kissing, proper kissing. I find that incredibly sexy.

I really enjoy sex but get bored having sex with the same man it’s nothing to do with them or how good they are

I enjoy and like loving gentle sex but to be honest I prefer fucking

I can't relate. I love sex and would leave my partner if he doesn't want sex or if we didn't have a fulfilling sex life.

It takes me a very long time to orgasm if I'm on my own, and I've never got there with anyone else. Some women are just put together differently I guess, surely not that hard to imagine?

I identify with a lot of what has been posted here. My DH has a higher sex drive than I do. I think it's overrated. I feel like I'm on a constant quest to find out what the fuss is about but I'd be happy to give it up.

I have lots of orgasms. I don't find the sensation to be earth shattering and life affirming. To me it's the equivalent of the relief or release you might get from scratching an itch or going to the loo after you'd had to hold on for ages. Also there's a build up to that which for me is a sensation that can take ages especially if I masturbate and is deeply unpleasant to me. I don't agree when people describe something as 'orgasmic ' I do often get more pleasure from a cup of tea or something delicious to eat as I would from sex.

I find men attractive. Tom Hardy as the example given here is extremely sexy. I am the same age as him. I don't fantasize about him because I've seen him in films where he's done full frontal nude. He's got the same equipment they all have. Seen one, seen them all (Seen many actually was shamefully promiscuous in my youth) and I rekon no matter who it's with it would still be flesh thrashing around for hours while I count ceiling tiles or ponder what chores I need to tackle next.

Normal People is not sexy. It seems cold and lacks tenderness. My DH is constantly looking for things that might 'get me going' that was certainly not it!

Quality sex is not something that is done to you, it is something shared. The key ingredient is passion.

To add to my earlier comments, l think there is a huge danger for my couples in sex becoming something you do before you go to sleep.

Single people often have better sex lives because they are more likely to head for the bedroom at other times specifically to have sex with no intention of sleeping.

Add to that the additional passion of laying somebody new. Society has tried to create momogamy as a standard, but maybe that is never how nature intended us to be? In addition, we live longer, have significantly more periods (ancient woman would have spent many of her child bearing years pregnant) and are often sexually active for many more years.

I used to think I was in a terrible,
pointless LTR relationship as it is sexless and has been for about 2.5 years. There's still love and respect there , but absolutely no interest in sex.

In our separate conversations with friends, we were amazed to discover that this is not uncommon in LTR. Made us feel a lot better to be honest.

I think the familiarity and the daily drudgery , especially if you have kids, means it's just seems like something you do with a new partner when there is something to 'discover'.

It's only a problem in a relationship if one person wants it and the other doesn't.