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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is anyone else not bothered by sex?

238 replies

Whatsupdog · 20/05/2020 17:52

I’m embarrassed. And I feel weird. I’m a 29 year old women and I could quite happily take or leave sex. I like how it makes me feel connected to my partner (we’ve been together for years) and I like the cuddling after, but...meh. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think I’m asexual...but I don’t really masturbate or have sexual fantasies. I feel like a weirdo Sad can anyone else relate?

OP posts:
GinDaddyRedux · 20/05/2020 21:08

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

You've just repeated what I typed.

I said that in both scenarios women are supported.

However in the scenario where a man doesn't want to sleep with a MN woman, he gets called out as gay, there's something wrong, leave him.

So I'm asking, to put it more plaintly, should all men who are the partners of women who replied here saying "I don't ever want it again, no interest whatsoever" be asking themselves if their wife is gay, that they should leave them, that it will never change?

I mean that's right isn't it? Because that's the advice given to women on here whose male partners won't put out

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 20/05/2020 21:12

GinDaddyRedux

I'm not getting into, because it's bollocks. If someone's in a unhappy relationship, leave.
Go start another thread about double standards on MN if you must, this one is about the OP.

undercoveraessedai · 20/05/2020 21:24

*I can recognise if someone’s good looking but i don’t feel attracted to them at all. I think I’m just broken

I identify with this. People go on about hot celebs, Tom hardy or what have you. I can see why someone would find them good looking, but I don't want to sleep with them. That goes for any sex, colour, age, weight etc.*

I discovered last year that I'm demisexual - only feel sexual attraction when I have an emotional connection with someone (and frankly not always then!) - everything suddenly made a lot more sense, as I've also never found complete randoms hot :) It's on the asexual spectrum apparently - but not quite the same.

undercoveraessedai · 20/05/2020 21:26

bold fail, sorry!

undercoveraessedai · 20/05/2020 21:27

@gindaddyredux long term single by choice. Happier and more peaceful for it, too!

Sittingontheveranda · 20/05/2020 21:28

Do you fancy your partner OP? I think not being bothered about sex is due to not finding your partner attractive/sexy/fancying him. Take it from someone who has been there - this will get worse not better.

Yawnyprawn · 20/05/2020 21:29

OP I want sex precisely twice a month and that’s enough for me. I’d rather be in bed with my book tbh. It’s not the be all and end all.

Awkwarddough · 20/05/2020 21:32

I agree. I have maybe a day or two a month where I’m interested in sex, the rest of the month i can take it or leave it. I do however masturbate and fantasise a lot.

heidbuttsupper · 20/05/2020 21:37

36 single, happy never to have sex again

Godzillasonice · 20/05/2020 21:52

@FOJN Glad to hear I’m not alone I always thought I was a freak. One of my sons friends mums keeps sending me things about sexy men on WhatsApp at the moment and i just don’t get it. I wish she would just stop but don’t really want to get into that discussion. I would love to meet someone who just wants to talk for hours and doesn’t want anything else but in reality I’m going to be alone as it’s not fair to be with someone and deny them of something they want.

Original poster
Whatsupdog · 20/05/2020 21:56

@Whathewhatnow no, never masturbated as a teen. Had lots of romantic crushes on guys but not really sexual thoughts especially. Why do you ask? Do you think that means anything significant? Am curious!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatsupdog · 20/05/2020 22:01

@Godzillasonice I would hate that! Completely agree, and wouldn’t get it either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatsupdog · 20/05/2020 22:02

@Godzillasonice - referring to getting sent sexy pictures, I mean - not the idea of being with someone who would just want to talk for hours.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 20/05/2020 22:10

I am 58 and post menopausal. I still enjoy sex but don't need it as often as I did. Two or three times a month is enough.

Nursejackie1 · 20/05/2020 22:12

I don’t care if I never shag again. Had my fair share 20-30s and can easily live without now.

Bagelsandbrie · 20/05/2020 22:18

I think a lot more people feel like this than the media would have us know.

I’m 40 and I have zero interest. When I was younger I felt differently but as I’ve got older I’d rather have a cup of tea and an early night. Thankfully dh feels the same. We have busy stressful lives, health issues and a disabled child. It’s very low down on our list of priorities...!

Whathewhatnow · 20/05/2020 22:24

Ooh I just typed a long message OP and lost it. Grrr.

Summary:

  • you're not weird
  • if you and your partner are happy then there is no problem.
  • on the other hand it can be hard for the partner with more sexual interest to deal with a partner for whom sex is meh. Been there, I wont lie, it was really hard.
  • teen years: for me the high watermark of libido. If you weren't into masturbation then and notwithstanding any childhood trauma or inusual circs (looking at you, evangelistic parents of a friend....) I'd guess this is a sign you just have a lower sex drive. That is fine. It's like food. Some people derive so much pleasure from it. Others see it as a form of sustenance. Or something they have to do occasionally, which is quite nice when it happens but they never get the urge to eat 4 packs of doritos in one sitting... Grin
SerenDippitty · 20/05/2020 22:27

Had lots of romantic crushes on guys but not really sexual thoughts especially.

I was the same as a teen, I wasn't a horny teen, I was interested in romance not sex. Just as well as I had no boyfriends until I was about 20.

Whathewhatnow · 20/05/2020 22:27

@Godzillasonice can I link you up with my friend?!? He can talk the hind leg off a donkey, is very interesting, and will never try to jump you. Maybe he would show a flicker if you were 21 and in top shape. Otherwise you are safe ....

cheezy · 20/05/2020 22:29

I’m mid thirties and have completely gone off sex, as if somethings been switched off in me. Thankfully I’m single. The thought of having to have regular sex with someone makes me shudder. It’s very odd as I definitely wasn’t always like this!!

Whathewhatnow · 20/05/2020 22:31

For those who say they are not bothered by sex and weren't even as teens.. can I ask. .. what about same sex attraction?? Have you ever considered sleeping with a woman?

That idea might be as meh, or more so, as sleeping with a bloke!

Yellowcakestand · 20/05/2020 22:39

Me, I don't care for it

unappreciativeoh · 20/05/2020 22:42

Me!! My OH seems to be the same.

SeaOtterFluff · 20/05/2020 22:42

Not at all bothered by it, if I never did it again I don't think I'd mind. Quite happy solo and that's plenty for me. Married 20 years, DH feels the same. We've operated on different body clocks for many years and even when we were young, there was very little opportunity and I never missed it. On the odd night we both find ourselves in bed and in the mood, it's quite nice but it's always the same.

Godzillasonice · 20/05/2020 22:42

@Whathewhatnow As a teenager I obsessed with my best friend but can’t say I ever had sexual feelings for her just wanted to spend every moment with her. I did spend a lot of my late teens on the lesbian scene but always backed off when anyone showed interest in me.

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