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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is anyone else not bothered by sex?

238 replies

Whatsupdog · 20/05/2020 17:52

I’m embarrassed. And I feel weird. I’m a 29 year old women and I could quite happily take or leave sex. I like how it makes me feel connected to my partner (we’ve been together for years) and I like the cuddling after, but...meh. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think I’m asexual...but I don’t really masturbate or have sexual fantasies. I feel like a weirdo Sad can anyone else relate?

OP posts:
Lyricallie · 20/05/2020 19:11

I'm similar someone previously said it's like going on a run enjoy it afterwards but can't be bothered this described me so well.

I also think it's due to my implant as when I got to the last couple of months of mine before it can swapped out I was really up for it but since it's been replaced my libido is back down. So definitely think contraception is part of it!

undercoveraessedai · 20/05/2020 19:11

I'm not that fussed at all - long term single by choice and shocked my friends a couple of years back by explaining I'd much rather never have sex again than stay in a 9-5 job for the rest of my life 😂

I just cba and have always wondered why the world is centred around sex - you're definitely not alone.

ChilliCheese123 · 20/05/2020 19:11

@OnlyThenWhen 🙁 you don’t HAVE to never have sex again... if you wanted there are therapists that specialize in that sort of thing ..hugs. I know what it’s like though. I had a weird ‘relationship’ through online dating a few years ago and the sex was terrible and a bit traumatizing to be honest. It put me off certain parts of it for a while and I think there’s stuff I just won’t be into forever. But other parts can be really good.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/05/2020 19:13

I'm not. I'm your age and haven't had sex in over a year. I'm single though.

OnlyThenWhen · 20/05/2020 19:15

I know, but it's just so hard to be able to have a conversation about it with someone, you know? Anyway, maybe one day I will meet the right person who won't care!

OliviaPopeRules · 20/05/2020 19:16

Me too

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 20/05/2020 19:16

I'm not over it. I don't need a lot. But what I have needs to be amazing Blush

lilgreen · 20/05/2020 19:18

Definitely look into the hormone contraception link. My sex drive rockets when it’s my fertile time of the month, it’s all I can think about sometimes, lasts about a week, then drops off so if the pill knocks those hormones out, I can imagine the feeling.

ChilliCheese123 · 20/05/2020 19:18

@OnlyThenWhen it is really hard. Seems so awkward but then also such a ‘first world problem’ but then also such a big one. I only really can speak about it with my best friend when drunk! It’s a weird thing. But if you’re happy, you’re happy. Don’t pressure yourself.

GCITC · 20/05/2020 19:18

I have zero sex drive on any contraceptives. It comes back once I'm off them, which kind of defeats the object.

lilgreen · 20/05/2020 19:19

Plus I’m married 24 years and 49 so not a young newly wed.

FOJN · 20/05/2020 19:24

I had a reasonably healthy sex drive in my 20's and 30's (I would agree with PP that it did reduce if I took hormonal contraception) but I rarely experienced sexual attraction so I had sex to satisfy an urge but it really could have been anyone!

I'm 48 now and wouldn't be bothered if I never had sex again, in fact I find men's neediness when it comes to sex quite repellent. I'm single by choice so I'm not harming anyone.

'for fuck's sake, is that ALL you can think about?'

This made me smile as its so relatable as are many other comments on this thread. I think we're all conditioned to believe everyone's having loads of sex and there's something wrong with us if we're not or don't want it. I don't think human sexuality is that simple and our needs and desires are as individual as we are, the trick is working out what's right for you and finding it.

'for fuck's sake, is that ALL you can think about?'

Godzillasonice · 20/05/2020 19:36

Me I’ve never liked sex and only slept with two people because I’ve felt like I have to to keep the relationship going. I have three children and I’m now a single mum and couldn’t care less if I never have to do it again. I’m also weird as I don’t find people attractive I can recognise if someone’s good looking but i don’t feel attracted to them at all. I think I’m just broken.

Prettytasteless · 20/05/2020 19:37

I thought I was over sex from age 30-35 then became very into it again 36+

Godzillasonice · 20/05/2020 19:39

Just for context I first had sex when I was 20 and I’m now 37 and haven’t had physical contact with another person for 4 years and couldn’t care less.

countrylanes · 20/05/2020 19:41

I used to be like this - maybe it was the pill, as I was on it for most of my life! Bloody angry if it was - why isn't this information bloody widely known? But age 46 my libido came back with a vengeance, and then I had a relationship with a guy who made me realise that I had been having terrible sex my whole life.
I think there is a use it or lose it thing as well. Quite literally, the clitoris can shrink back into the body if not regularly stimulated.
It may be that if you spend some time focusing on your own pleasure and body you may rekindle your desire. There are loads of websites out there - layla martin - OMG yes. If it is a problem as you are in a relationship, maybe stuff like that could help.

VoyageInTheDark · 20/05/2020 19:41

Same here. Not bothered and wasn't when in my 20s either

peaceanddove · 20/05/2020 19:41

I really like sex and always have, and always found it easy to orgasm though never through penetrative sex. We've been together for nearly thirty years but still have sex a few times a week. If we go a couple of weeks without then I really notice and feel sort of agitated and tense which is horrible. It probably helps that I still find DH very physically attractive as he's kept all his hair, teeth and muscles Grin

crimsonlake · 20/05/2020 19:44

I read somewhere that women become bored of sex with the same partner than a man does, I know I fall in to this category. With the same person for a long time, same moves etc etc. Once we split and I met someone else it was completely different and exciting, fast forward several years and now I am the same.

GrandAltogetherSo · 20/05/2020 19:45

Not taken contraceptives in years and never had much of a sex drive. Really wouldn’t care if I never had sex again.
Not interested in masturbation either. I used to do it to get myself Off to sleep but I don’t even bother doing that now.

FOJN · 20/05/2020 19:45

Godzillasonice
I’m also weird as I don’t find people attractive I can recognise if someone’s good looking but i don’t feel attracted to them at all.

No you're not weird or broken, that's how I feel. It's actually the definition of asexual but people often confuse asexual with low libido but the two things are different. I've never heard anyone else say this so you've made me feel far less alone.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 20/05/2020 19:51

I can recognise if someone’s good looking but i don’t feel attracted to them at all. I think I’m just broken

I identify with this. People go on about hot celebs, Tom hardy or what have you. I can see why someone would find them good looking, but I don't want to sleep with them. That goes for any sex, colour, age, weight etc.

failedasaparent · 20/05/2020 19:53

It does bother me but in as much as it's something I never ever want to have to do again.

cushioncovers · 20/05/2020 20:00

On antidepressants here and so have absolutely no sex drive at all and don't miss it one bit. It's Been 10 years since I've had sex and been about 15 years since I had really good sex. As a long time single person I do miss the companionship though.

Oblomov20 · 20/05/2020 20:04

Yep. Could take it or rather leave it.