Is anyone else not bothered by sex?

[Whatsupdog]

I’m embarrassed. And I feel weird. I’m a 29 year old women and I could quite happily take or leave sex. I like how it makes me feel connected to my partner (we’ve been together for years) and I like the cuddling after, but...meh. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think I’m asexual...but I don’t really masturbate or have sexual fantasies. I feel like a weirdo can anyone else relate?

But if you're happy with how it is and more worried about what you should be feeling, please don't! We should talk about it more really. Does your partner know how you feel? Sounds cheesy but I'm finally opening up a lot more with mine and it's actually helped get us back into it a bit.

I’ve never had an orgasm once in my life

I’ve never had an orgasm once in my life

Oh mate, really? Not even self-provided?

No, I don’t masturbate either

Whatsupdog, you are certainly not a weirdo (at least for that!). With a range of level of interests across the population, but you are likely towards one end of the spectrum but far far from alone as you see from this thread!

Realistically it's only an issue if you have mismatched desires with your DP. Then you'll know from reading MN, that often becomes a BIG issue in relationships. But, if that's not the case ... great for you!

Been single a while now and in now rush to sleep with anyone at all. I don't even think about it on a day to day basis.
It's just a bit sticky and moist and more clean up than is worth the effort.

Wafflingonagain, I was the same for many years, but it was something I really did want to try experience. I looked on it as almost a science experiment :) And did figure it out.

But I imagine some people are not interested either.

I was so worried I was on my own with this, I feel so much better for reading this thread.

I don't have any interest in it at all currently, although wasn't like that in the past.

One issue for me is that I HATE going to bed/sleep afterwards without showering, I end up with UTIs or irritation. And some people are offended by showering (in which case, I don't really want to be with them, as it affects my health and if they can't understand that - or take it as an insult, that's just weird).

Oh yes, I am not bothered at all. I find it intensely boring and can't bear all the huffing and puffing in silly positions - plus I get cramp in my hips! I don't care if I never have sex again.

Onlyhere - me too! I love Mumsnet. I feel so much better after reading these responses. Thank you everyone for being so kind. And to the PP who asked, yes, I have actually started talking to my partner about it recently and he’s been so lovely about it. He wouldn’t ever pressure me for sex, but it’s more like it’s something I want to do for him IYSWIM.

Women get bored quicker in terms of sexual partners, we’re the ones who take hormonal contraception, we’re the ones the bulk of the childcare/housework drudge falls to, its hardly surprising our sex drives trail off is it. Who would be a woman.

I always felt like this. Took me a long time to realise (aged 36) that the problem (with me) was that I am actually a lesbian.
I'm not suggesting that you are...just that this was the case for me. Now I'm with an amazing woman and can't keep my hands off her.

I would be very upset to not have sex again. Twice a week is acceptable as we lead busy lives.

I’ve always really enjoyed sex. Married 24 years and it’s better than ever(as it can be with teens ever present at the mo) We can go weeks without and then other times several times a week.
But, I think it’s perfectly normal to not be fussed. Everyone has different sex drives.
Can I ask if you’re on the pill? I found it dulled my drive. When I came off it in my 20s I felt an increase especially in the week before my period and still I notice that at 49!

I'm mid-40's so much older than you, OP. I've always enjoyed sex, but if DH disappeared tomorrow, I wouldn't be especially interested in new sexual partners. I'd certainly sleep with someone if I felt like it, but it's not something I'd be looking for, IYSWIM.

It just isn't that important to me now, I'm more interested in other things!

My pill does this to me. It’s really annoying. I came off it but I worried about pregnancy constantly and my skin was fucked. Like cystic acne two weeks after coming off it.

So glad to read this thread and feel 'normal'
I had a traumatic first relationship at18, wondering if that's to do with it. I haven't had sex since... and feel like it's too late now! But not too bothered by it either way.

For me it has changed a lot with age and partner. I'm 29 too.

I had an incredibly high libido in my teens (think craving sex multiple times a day for years). this was with a few casual and one long term (abusive) partner.

I then met my second long term partner aged 20 and for the first year my sex drive was high, but suddenly, a year later, it just died. At the time I had no idea what it was. It caused huge tension and strain in our relationship. He was lovely in so many ways, we tried so many things to make it better, but the more we tried to force it, the worse it got. That (sexless) relationship lasted 7 years - most of my 20s. We eventually parted ways for a number of reasons, sex being high on that list for him - less so for me because good sex was just a distant memory for me and I, like you, was convinced I just wan't that fussed with it. I lamented the fact that the sex of my teens was gone forever, but if sex was only fun with bad boys, then I was willing to go without.

Funnily enough, it didn't take long for me to realise that that was a load of bollocks. It took one (hilarious) fling to realise definitively that my sex life wasn't dead after all - it just couldn't be bothered with my ex but was now back and raring to go.

I met another guy shortly after that, and not only was the sexual chemistry was tantalising, he was nice too. It's only just coming up to a year, so it might be too early to tell, but he is kind, funny and smart, and I also want to rip the clothes off him every time I see him. Somehow I don't think this one will go the was of the last one.

I am so glad I didn't (accidentally) end up having terrible sex for the rest of my life. I wake up every day over the moon that I can feel sexual desire every day. I probably sound a bit bonkers, but its such a huge part of my life, I feel like I've found a long-lost piece of myself.

I can now look back with the clarity of hindsight and see the things that weren't quite right in my second (sex-starved) relationship, even though at the time everything seemed fine. It wasn't that I was broken forever, just that relationship was, but it was too subtle for either of us to see. I didn't leave for the purpose of finding better, but I'm so glad I did.

I’m only a year younger than you, I’m the same. Never really had a high sex drive though. Feel sorry for my partner, I make an effort to have sex at least once a week. But id rather not

Should add I have sex around 3 times a week, DP would do twice a day ! I do ‘sort myself out’ very occasionally, normally after watching something a bit sexual and when I know I definitely have a couple of hours to myself to just relax. God that is a bit pathetic 😂😂

Once or twice a month is certainly enough for me.

Same here.

Yup I'm asexual and have got no time for sex, not a prude, its just really boring.

With my ex I never felt sexually attracted and he wasn't good in bed so I didn't crave sex all the time. I needed the physical release of orgasm though, so as long as I could do it myself I was fine. With my current DP I do crave sex a lot because I want HIM. I've been very highly sexed since I was about 14, sexual feelings suddenly just clicked into place and I got it.