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AIBU?

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Original poster

to want to sleep with my friends husband

113 replies

maximopark · 19/09/2007 19:27

omg, married 10 years, 3 kids, but am falling in love with another man. i see him at school of all places, his son and mine are in the same class. i am friends with his wife but i think she suspects i fancy her husband. does this mean;

  1. im a selfish tart
  2. my marriage is not as happy as i thought it was
  3. im going through some sort of midlife crisis. please help, i cant stop thinking about him
OP posts:
PSCMUM · 19/09/2007 20:08

nothing wrong with fancying other people nothing at all. in fact, i'd go so far as to say its healthy to have a bit of a window shop every now and again!
but i think as others have said, its so unlikely you have real feelings for this man, he is probably representing a bit of sexy excitement to you at the moment, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your marriage, it just means you are alive and well, imho!

And actually, sometimes you can't decide who to fancy, its just that when you are married with kids and so is he, you cnba't just shag him and see what happens, as so much is at stake.

Imagine how you would feel if you did have sex with him, what would you feel like afterwards, and whether you would be overhwelmed with regret.

harleyd · 19/09/2007 20:10

shagging him probably wouldnt be as good as what you imagine anyway

LittleBella · 19/09/2007 20:10

OH FGS

I think you know the answer to this
Fantasise about him during sex with your dh

Then imagine him farting and burping in bed when you see him around (the friend's DH, not yours) and get a grip

Original poster
maximopark · 19/09/2007 20:13

yes he knows, in fact he started it. it hasnt gone further than "looking" but we both know what we're thinkig! he looks like daniel craig but with an even better body. i know its crazy,but omg its sooooooooo nice.

OP posts:
LadyMacbeth · 19/09/2007 20:17

All good advice here, especially the swinging . I think you have to see it as a crush.

I have a friend who had a crush on someone for three years, but it has now completely passed. She is sooo glad nothing went further! She really did think it meant something more because it went on for so long. Perhaps it would have done, but the intense feelings subsided and now she says it is as if they had never happened. She's just thankful that nothing was ever revealed and that her marriage is still wonderfully intact!

I also would be lying if I said that I didn't get the odd passing feelings for other people - it is quite normal I believe. Doesn't necessarily mean a crap marriage.

Bluestocking · 19/09/2007 20:17

He sounds as though he might possibly be a little bit of a wanker; if he started it, and his wife has noticed, you can bet he's at it all the time, with everybody including Sadie from the Co-op!

ScottishMummy · 19/09/2007 20:17

sooo nice - worth divorce, turmoil, for ashabby fumble - so classy

Isababel · 19/09/2007 20:19

Excuse me but how do you know what he is thinking if you have not discussed the topic? I confess I stared frequently at the same person and the only thing I was thinking was gosh, why he wears his trousers that high? it puzzled me for several months, in the mean time... he may have thought I was checking him up

PSCMUM · 19/09/2007 20:21

aww, scottish mummy, lighten up a bit, i think we all know she won't do it, she is just having a bit of flirty fun,. nothing wrong with a bit of a flirt. tho i agree, he sounds like a silly tosser!

but flirting really is nice. i miss it sometimes, i miss that keeping eye contact for a bit too long, butterflies, feeling eyes on you when you walk away etc, i miss that, and i think it'd be nice if one of the dad;s at school was remotely not-disgusting and i had that.

i am saved by them all being totally minging it would seem.

Bluestocking · 19/09/2007 20:22

That's a bit cruel Isababel!
Imagine the scene at the school gates.
Maximopark thinks "there he is again, looking as buff as ever, phwoargh"
Daniel Craig lookyliky thinks "crikey, there's Maximopark, I wonder if she knows that her skirt is tucked into the waistband of her tights? Better not say anything, might embarrass the old stick"

Original poster
maximopark · 19/09/2007 20:22

bluestocking, i really think you might be right. last parents evening he was standing next to her and still looking at me. this has been going on for about a year. is that 2 long to be a crush? and what does "swinging" involve, im not into lesbian sex or anything like that

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 19/09/2007 20:23

Are we helping at all, MP, or making things worse?!

Isababel · 19/09/2007 20:26

No, not cruel, I didn't discussed the subject with anyone. I never made him feel bad about it and.. I really didn't care that much, I was more interested in how men clothes are made rather than anything else.

Bluestocking · 19/09/2007 20:28

No, no, Isababel, I didn't mean you were being cruel to the high-trousered man, but to MP - suggesting that her crush is actually wondering about the cut of her clothes - and I was teasing, I just don't really like using emoticons!

ScottishMummy · 19/09/2007 20:28

well i prefer the pragnmatic he-is-someone-else's-man-eyes-off-approach no bonhemie from me on this topic, so im offsky to lighten up elsewhere - enough said

niceglasses · 19/09/2007 20:29

PS Dont sleep with friends dh, but you know that. Not unless he looks like Paul Smith, that would be understandable at least.

PSCMUM · 19/09/2007 20:29

swinging is swapping, and i don't think i have ever heard a successful swinging story within marriage, only within hedonistic student days when everyone was shagging everyone and no one really cared!

fireflyfairy2 · 19/09/2007 20:30

My betting is that he has a very smally doodle & he needs to eye other women up to make himself feel manly

Also, I bet his boxers are scummy when his wife picks them up off the floor..

Bet his feet smells..

Picks his nose when on the toilet...

Seriously, no harm in looking or even flirting (others would argue, but imo harmless flirting does your confidence wonders!)

In actual fact I had a huge crush on a man not that long ago & what makes it far far worse is that he is married to a member of my family! I had just been spending way too much time with him planning a do & got carried away thinking he was nice.

Eventually, drunk in the pub one night a few months ago I stammered that I had been really daft & had developed a crush on someone & was affronted, he laughed his ass off & said he was glad as he had felt the same & was confused.. then we punched each others arms & giggled & got very drunk...

NEVER been mentioned again!! THANK-GOD

fireflyfairy2 · 19/09/2007 20:31

SM, she knows he is someone elses man

Original poster
maximopark · 19/09/2007 20:32

yes you are helping, and isabable, your probably right, he could be just admiring the new school benches and thinking why does that idiot keep looking at me!

OP posts:
Original poster
maximopark · 19/09/2007 20:37

niceglasses; love maxiopark, would sleep with all of them!
fireflyfairy2; pmsl !

OP posts:
lololola · 19/09/2007 20:55

maxiopark; lucky you to have men in your school playground that have such an effect on you. in my school, we have 3 grandads, one dad that looks like that little skinny bloke from the mr muscle adverts, and a dad thats on "sick leave" from his job (complete with walking stick) nice guys, but my dh doesnt have to worry. i think you would be mad to take this further btw.

blousy · 19/09/2007 21:00

Tis just a crush! (Hope you're not a mum at my school though - my dh gets quite enough attention ).

xyzabc · 20/09/2007 09:46

maximopark; you bring a whole new meaning to "school pick up" ps; love the band too.

Squiffy · 20/09/2007 09:58

Could be worse. You could've had a crush on the son.