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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know the name of the guy I'm dating?

187 replies

Troubledinparadise1 · 20/05/2020 07:09

This will probably all sound a bit strange!

I've been dating a man for a couple of months but I don't actually know his name and now we're too far in for me to ask him! We met at a mutual friend's party and my friend introduced me to him. She told me his name but it isn't an an English name or one that I've heard before so I only caught the general sound of it, rather than the actual name itself.

We've been going on dates for a couple of months now and it's too late for me to ask him his name. I can't ask my friend his name because she'll also think it's very odd that we've been dating for 2 months and I don't know.

I've been avoiding calling him by his name when together and I'm not sure how I can find this out!

Anyone else been in a situation like this?

OP posts:

Zilla1 · 20/05/2020 08:18

Don't you want to send him a lovely card, OP? Ask him for his full name and address.

Good luck.

PaperbackRitur · 20/05/2020 08:18

How do people have long online relationships without their name being right above their messages?

butterpuffed · 20/05/2020 08:19

Ha ha ! Ask him if there's an equivalent English name for his , ie Pierre and Peter. Hopefully he won't just say No !

Bathbedandbeyond · 20/05/2020 08:19

What have you got his number stored in your phone as?

travellinglighter · 20/05/2020 08:19

I have a surname that’s very common and in a Welsh regimentS in the army they have a big problem wit everyone having the same surname. Shout free beer for jones and you’d get killed in the stampede. They get round it by adding the last two of their army number eg jones 22, or if they already have a 22 in the unit they call him by his initial eg, Jones AB. I was called by my initials. It got shortened to my first initial G in social situations. A girl I was seeing called me Gee like Everyone else. When I met her parents she was trying to introduce me and it became embarrassingly obvious, she didn’t know my name. 😆😆😆

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 20/05/2020 08:20

The question is... How did your siblings called you when you were a child? Did you have a special nickname? And pray somewhere down the line he says his current name.

Mariposa123 · 20/05/2020 08:20

Apparently my DH had this problem with me! He found an excuse to email me something so my name would pop up

GeriGeranium · 20/05/2020 08:24

Next time he texts you, reply “sorry I’m having trouble with my phone and the names aren’t coming up - who is this?”

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 20/05/2020 08:25

I think its surprisingly common
Maybe not bfs but friends, colleagues etc.

You get past a point of no return where its just too embarrassing to ask.

anothernamechangeagain · 20/05/2020 08:25

This is bizarre

fivesecondrule · 20/05/2020 08:27

There was an auntie at DC1s school who used to do quite a few pick ups. A couple of us got quite friendly with her we only realised after a several months that none of us knew her real name, we were just used to calling her Johns Auntie. Problem was it was so late on we couldn't just say "sorry what's your name?" without sounding totally unhinged. We even asked the kids what Johns auntie was called but John had a nickname for her like 'little Auntie'. John left and we never found out her name. I'd find out asap OP :)

LilyMarshall · 20/05/2020 08:28

NataliaOsipova · 20/05/2020 08:32

Say “this is really embarrassing, but I’ve realised I don’t actually know how to spell your name”. And ask him to spell it out!

....or “Do you know, I’ve realised I don’t know your name”. When he tells you his first name in surprise, you laugh and say that you meant his surname as of course you knew his first name all along.

LudaMusser · 20/05/2020 08:34

What have you got him in your phone as lol

TopShelf · 20/05/2020 08:36

Ask him, 'what's your name.?
And when he says, Bob, or whatever say,
'sorry I meant your surname.'
And record him saying it so you don't forget.

TopShelf · 20/05/2020 08:37

Oops, cross post.

listsandbudgets · 20/05/2020 08:38

Just call him pet names. If its meant to be and you get married you should find out in the church/ registry office... if you never marry but have children you'll find out at the registration of the birth..

Otherwise you'll just have to call him sweetie and darling and gorgeous and hope he never twigs

LilyMarshall · 20/05/2020 08:40

And record him saying it so you don't forget.

That would be hilarious to watch.

Babdoc · 20/05/2020 08:41

Oh, this brings back sweet memories! I met my much loved late DH in 1975, my first night at uni, in a noisy student bar. He introduced himself, but I couldn’t hear his name.
We moved in together three days later (the uni had failed to find him a room, and he was sofa surfing).
After a week of living together, I was in a similar embarrassing position to you, OP - how could I possibly ask him his name at that stage?
Finally, in desperation, I went through his coat pockets while he slept, and found his student railcard, with his name on it!

Sparklingplasters · 20/05/2020 08:43

I’ve been working in my job for 14 months, one guy always gets my name wrong, I haven’t corrected him...

Jeezoh · 20/05/2020 08:45

During one of your next chats, ask him what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to him and when he’s told you his, tell him “I was dating a guy for few months and didn’t know his name....” then fess you. If he’s a keeper, he’ll find it funny

SoupDragon · 20/05/2020 08:51

You: I need to update my contacts from "Hot Guy*" Remind me how you spell your name...

And hope it's not "Fred Smith"

*other, more appropriate, nicknames are available.

Whiffenpoofs · 20/05/2020 08:53

Spot on advice from @NataliaOsipova - do this OP and definitely report back

CharDee · 20/05/2020 08:55

Sorry OP but this is hilarious!

I have a friend who is the mum of DS's friend from nursery. She left her number with the staff and asked then to pass it on to me. I text her and we met up and got on so well.

About 6 months in, after lots of play dates and going round to each other's house I realised, in horror, I didn't know her name. I didn't know how to ask at this point so I ended up getting DH to ask

I think seeing what he's called on WhatsApp is a good idea or asking your friend and being honest about it and say how embarrassed you are to ask now!

Good luck