Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be curious about boarding school children being at home all the time and the parents...

288 replies

blueglassandfreesias · 19/05/2020 14:24

I wonder how it is having children around the house all the time when parents of boarders aren't used to it.
I saw something about Harrow/ Eton etc will not be re-opening until September.
For families who aren't used to dealing with their children daily, maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

OP posts:
Haffiana · 19/05/2020 17:38

Ah. Opinion then.

Cyberattack · 19/05/2020 17:41

@oneandtwenty I didn't send my children to boarding school. I had no reason to. I did spend a lot of money sending them to private day schools. I had the money to send them to boarding school if I had wanted to - but I would never have done so.

Whether you like it or not, I am talking about my experience of people I know, who have chosen to send their children to boarding school (not for reasons of geography or SEN or LS) and yes, I'm afraid, snobbery does play a large part in the decision.

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 17:49

Haffiana

Do you have any experience of boarding I'd like to hear them.

SpokeTooSoon · 19/05/2020 17:50

Do boarding schools get longer holidays than private schools? Typically three weeks instead of two at Christmas and Easter and nine in the summer - it’s not THAT much more than state is it? Half terms the same. An extra five weeks over the year I think.

SpokeTooSoon · 19/05/2020 17:51

Sorry, private day schools I mean.

ConkerGame · 19/05/2020 17:52

I would say it’s quite selfish not to consider boarding school for your children if you can afford it! It won’t be right for every child but everyone I know who boarded came out with brilliant grades, exceptional confidence, very close friendship groups and a love of whatever hobbies they had taken on as they’d had the best facilities possible. They also adore their parents and siblings as they’ve avoided the horrible fights that happen when everyone’s cooped up in the same home all the time.

If I could afford it I would definitely look into it for my DC (but it would absolutely be their choice). Sadly I can’t! Agree though that it’s often a social circle thing - if everyone else does it in your friendship group then your children would feel very left out if they didn’t get to go too but it would seem odd if you were the only ones in your social circle to send them.

Also, the vast majority of boarding schools are aged 13-18 only and have very long holidays so it’s not as if the kids don’t have plenty of time at home during their childhood!

I think people who ask gormless questions like the OP’s must not know anyone who’s been as otherwise they would rightly be jealous of the amazing opportunities boarding schools bring.

Mascotte · 19/05/2020 17:54

A lot of the independence and confidence is a front born of having to manage in a world where you have to hide feelings and put on a mask. I seem very confident and independent but totally fucked up really.

AllIMissNowIsTheSea · 19/05/2020 18:00

Well aren't you silly.

I went to boarding school; I think I might have found it hard to be around my parents and large brood of younger siblings for 5 solid months. However my parents had a big house and would have been still working if covid-19 had hit when I was a school child as they were key workers before retirement. So they would have left us home alone or with my youngests siblings' nanny and would not have been enjoying my delightful company!

My kids don't go to boarding school although my eldest wants to for sixth form - it'd be easier to send her to the good and free local sixth form, but I feel I should let her spread her wings the same way I had the opportunity to if it's safe pandemic wise by then.

TheNavigator · 19/05/2020 18:02

Yes, a great many of them live too far away to return home with every exeat

I do find that sad. And despite the protests on here, of course some children are lonely and sad at boarding school. Anyone who has every had a shitty day at school can imagine how horrible it would be not to be able to go home and get away, but to be stuck with your classmates.

Was Prince Charles himself not famously lonely and miserable boarding at Gordonstoun? All the privilege in the world except a home he could go back to at the end of the school day.

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 18:03

Independence and confidence also come from feeling safe, loved, encouraged and supported.
A place where you can show your feelings, and be true to yourself. With friends and family who care, with staff at school who you have a good relationship with.
A good boarding school with involved parents is able to provide this.

I'm sorry yours was crap mascotte

EstherEliza · 19/05/2020 18:06

I would imagine parents would have considered their choices before sending their children. And decided that boarding school would provide them with opportunities that they wouldn't otherwise have. I wouldn't want to send my kids away, but if there was a school that was going to massively improve my child's opportunities and in turn their life, then I would do it. Sending kids to boarding school doesn't have to be a selfish thing to do. Quite the opposite in fact.

Sarahandco · 19/05/2020 18:10

More importantly, are the boarding kids wishing they were back at school? I suspect many of them are

OneandTwenty · 19/05/2020 18:11

I had the money to send them to boarding school if I had wanted to - but I would never have done so

and yes, I'm afraid, snobbery does play a large part in the decision

you don't say .... experience indeed Grin
You are funny.

HoldMyLobster · 19/05/2020 18:12

Most people who send their children to boarding school in Britain, who also live in Britain and whose children do not need to go to boarding school for LS reasons do so, in my experience, because it's what their social group do and they are too afraid not to follow suit as they then will be looked down on by their friends. Hence you get families who have sent their children to Eton/Harrow/whatever for generations because basically they are snobs, not necessarily because they are trying to get 'ride' of their children but because they are trying to hold on to their so-called 'social standing' within their own little elitist groups.

My husband and everyone in his family went to boarding school for those reasons.

He was adamant that our children would not have the same experience as he did. It was quite challenging for him when our oldest decided she wanted to go to boarding school.

GrimSisters · 19/05/2020 18:15

My cousins went to boarding school. Their father was an officer in the forces and their mother didn't work - it was just the done thing. Grandparents had them every Easter and Christmas holiday so they could go skiing and summers were spent on activity holidays. Funnily enough they both chose not to send their own children to boarding school. Valid question OP, shame you've been given this level of abuse.

avacadooo · 19/05/2020 18:16

I went to boarding school please don't make it out like my parents wanted rid of me because they love me to bits, they didn't send me there to get me out of site or because they didn't want to look after me.
I went because my dad's job meant they had to move around a lot.

Think the parents of boarders are coping the same as everyone else. Not every child in boarding school has parents like the who are like what you insinuate, most of my school was filled with kids with parents in the armed forces.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/05/2020 18:17

@OneandTwenty why do you find it so hard to believe that @Cyberattack has friends and/or family who sent their kids to boarding school for the reasons she describes?

MarshaBradyo · 19/05/2020 18:18

Not using boarding now but I have mused on what it would have been like if we were sent home when we went. Especially if the day portion of fees was still expected but we were all stuck hanging around at home.

PerditaProvokesEnmity · 19/05/2020 18:18

Oh, OP ...

I'm embarrassed for you, hun.

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 18:28

More importantly, are the boarding kids wishing they were back at school? I suspect many of them are

Mine is missing being at school, one of her friends finishes this year and lives abroad, she won't see her again and never got to say goodbye. She misses her friends and I'd be worried for the next two years if she didn't want to go back.
We are having fun at home though and she's lucky to have so many projects on and A level work started.
She misses what it was like and the closeness with friends who she realises won't be able to hug when she returns either September or January.

OneandTwenty · 19/05/2020 18:31

ArgumentativeAardvaark
because people tend to express differently when they merely express an opinion or when they are bitterly resenting something.

Managing to stealth boast that you are in position to send your kids - and have them accepted! - in Eton or Harrow because that's your social group, but that you are too superior to succumb to the peer pressure and are smugly above the elitist group.. yes, nice little post. Totally genuine obviously. Because everyone is who they claim to be on an anonymous forum!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 19/05/2020 18:34

Parents want the best for their children.

Using emotive phrases like 'sending the children away' and clearly casting judgement on those choosing different parenting choices doesn't really indicate the OP is just 'interested'.

I think the OP needs to reflect on what her issue is?

What are your direct experiences of private schooling?
Do you feel your parents sent you away and think all boarders feel the same?
Do you feel your parents don't know you?
Do you not feel your children are getting the best education?

Do you resent having to look after your own children and feel they have it easy?

BoardingSchoolMater · 19/05/2020 18:35

I do wonder if it is causing people to reflect on their choice so send their children away from them

OP, it is causing me to reflect on it only insofar as I am reminded, daily, what a brilliant thing boarding school is. Grin

I will RTFT (trying to cook, clean etc now), and will be interested to see the various views.

For now, though, I can say that I love my children viscerally and wholeheartedly, but would dearly love them to return to school. So would they.

Mascotte · 19/05/2020 18:37

I hadn't realised parents of boarders felt so defensive.

Weird. But kind of makes me feel better. It wasn't my school that was shite, my parents were for sending me.

EtonianMother · 19/05/2020 18:37

Could someone please tell me if I have missed a communication from school re not returning until September? I have Googled this to no avail. Nothing has come from school to this effect - I understood that they were watching and waiting.