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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be curious about boarding school children being at home all the time and the parents...

288 replies

blueglassandfreesias · 19/05/2020 14:24

I wonder how it is having children around the house all the time when parents of boarders aren't used to it.
I saw something about Harrow/ Eton etc will not be re-opening until September.
For families who aren't used to dealing with their children daily, maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 19/05/2020 16:54

People should stop attacking the OP. She needs to be snide and to try and put others down to make herself feel better.

Strawberrypancakes · 19/05/2020 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 16:58

There's a few of us specialist school mums on here now, are we all music and dance awards, or other subjects? My dd is specialist music.

IDefinitelyHaveFriends · 19/05/2020 17:00

HTH with your genuine query OP. The answer is that the vast majority of boarding children will spend 8/9 weeks at home every summer so their parents are probably not finding having them at home for 8 weeks that much of a shock.

You’re welcome.

ratspeaker · 19/05/2020 17:02

OP you seem to assume ALL parents have a choice in whether to board their children.
In the remoter areas of Scotland i.e. The Highlands, Western Isles , Shetland there are no secondary schools within easy travelling distance so the pupils have to live at school.

okiedokieme · 19/05/2020 17:03

Kids board for a variety of reasons. I missed my dd terribly when she chose to board for 6th form (scholarship) her choice not mine

HoldMyLobster · 19/05/2020 17:05

For families who aren't used to dealing with their children daily, maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

The problem with boarding school is they do insist on sending them home regularly, and you have to tolerate them till the school will have them back again.

That's what you want us evil parents to say, right? Grin

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 17:06

Strawberry

I see where you are coming from but we are all different, and schools are different to.
I'm at school with dd (boarder) as I was her siblings (state schools)
There are so many concerts and performances to attend.
No sports teams though as there isn't time or enough kids for teams.

I don't miss the homework, but I know exactly where she is up to.
One thing though do you think that boarding parents don't have a relationship with their children and their friends?
I know dd friends and parents more than I knew our ds's friends and parents.
They come to stay often, and we hang out together, sometimes.

I do wish that parents who haven't chosen this for themselves would stop making wild generalisations though, and ask, instead.

TimothyTerrible · 19/05/2020 17:06

Transparent attempt to start a bun fight

Cyberattack · 19/05/2020 17:09

Most people who send their children to boarding school in Britain, who also live in Britain and whose children do not need to go to boarding school for LS reasons do so, in my experience, because it's what their social group do and they are too afraid not to follow suit as they then will be looked down on by their friends. Hence you get families who have sent their children to Eton/Harrow/whatever for generations because basically they are snobs, not necessarily because they are trying to get 'ride' of their children but because they are trying to hold on to their so-called 'social standing' within their own little elitist groups.
This is just in my experience - I'm sure lots of people have other impressions.

OneandTwenty · 19/05/2020 17:10

Iknewyouwerewaitingforme
one bad experience doesn't mean it's the universal truth. most parents chose boarding schools because they believe it's in the best interest of their child, and some boarders actually love it.

Cyberattack · 19/05/2020 17:11

'rid' not 'ride'

SeasonFinale · 19/05/2020 17:12

Also you do realise that pupils ate Eton and Harrow are all older than 13 don't you and perfectly capable of amusing themselves when they are at home all the time until September and won't therefore need to pester those oh so cruel parents who pack them off to get rid of them anyway.

highmarkingsnowmobile · 19/05/2020 17:13

Unless its a special needs boarding school or the DC has no siblings and is desperately lonely at home how is it NOT selfish?

How is it NOT judgy to assume that's true of everyone who boards that that if they do so for reasons other than the two you've given is 'selfish'?

I boarded as a teen as my father worked in an industry that crashed in the early 80s, it was work abroad or be unemployed and the place did not have a high school, so the company arranged for my sister and I to board.

We loved it. We are a loving, happy family.

My son has SEN and he wanted to board. It's been great.

A lot of pupils board as their parents work abroad, are in the forces, want to go, specialist school, SEN, the education system in their home country is unsuitable, they want to become fluent in another language, etc etc.

But I'm finding that it's always easier for the hard-of-thinking to just throw out 'selfish' to anything that doesn't fit in their tiny boxes. It's tedious in the extreme.

OneandTwenty · 19/05/2020 17:13

I’m desperate for schools to open so that life can return to some sense of normality,

that is looking at things backward isn't it? Opening schools and lifting all restrictions won't magically make the pandemic go away and things go back to "normal".

waiting for the conditions to be safer and opening schools and everything else as a consequence is what we should go for.

I have seen threads where people genuinely believe that opening schools and anything still close will mean the pandemic is behind us.

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 17:18

Unless its a special needs boarding school or the DC has no siblings and is desperately lonely at home how is it NOT selfish?

If it's the right school for the child whether boarding or day, private or state. If you don't allow them to go, then you are the selfish one, denying them the most fitting education, to suit yourself.

Jaxhog · 19/05/2020 17:18

maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

You make it sound like parents don't care! A lot of parents have no choice about using a boarding school e.g. they're posted overseas etc.

Haffiana · 19/05/2020 17:21

Most people who send their children to boarding school in Britain, who also live in Britain and whose children do not need to go to boarding school for LS reasons do so, in my experience, because it's what their social group do and they are too afraid not to follow suit as they then will be looked down on by their friends. Hence you get families who have sent their children to Eton/Harrow/whatever for generations because basically they are snobs, not necessarily because they are trying to get 'ride' of their children but because they are trying to hold on to their so-called 'social standing' within their own little elitist groups.
This is just in my experience - I'm sure lots of people have other impressions.

Is that why you sent your children to boarding school, @Cyberattack? How very sad for you. Why didn't you stand up for your poor children? Do they know you sent them because you are a snob?

LightenUpSummer · 19/05/2020 17:22

I'd love to think the OP was genuine. But if I wanted to start a bun fight this would be exactly the sort of thing I'd post.

I hope everyone who joins in is enjoying themselves otherwise it's a pointless waste of a sunny day.

Me, I'm procrastinating work...

Mascotte · 19/05/2020 17:24

I would really like to think so @blueglassandfreesias.

I went to boarding school and cannot understand how anyone could do that to their dc.

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 17:26

Where does cyberattack say their kids board, or that they are at Eton or harrow.
No need to be nasty haffiana you sound like the sad one.

OneandTwenty · 19/05/2020 17:29

Where does cyberattack say their kids board, or that they are at Eton or harrow.

As it's one of the most bitter post of the thread, and someone clearly has a lot of resentment and jealousy about the subject, it's very unlikely that poster is anywhere near a position to send kids to boarding school, let alone Eton etc.

Reallynowdear · 19/05/2020 17:29

No need for the goady post OP if you're simply interested.

As a parent whose youngest children boarded, and spent a term abroad of part of their school life when they were 11, I may be able to shed some light.

When the boys were at home, exeat, holidays, sickness etc, it was lovely.

The only regret I have is that I didn't send my eldest daughter, she's still pissed off about that too. We are a close, normal, functioning family full of love, with the usual crap thrown in there too.

What makes you think parents don't know their children if they board?

Haffiana · 19/05/2020 17:32

cyberattack states she is speaking from experience.

Do you think she just meant 'opinion'?

Cyberattack · 19/05/2020 17:36

@haffian I never said I sent my children to boarding school. It is my experience of the people I know who did, who did not have to do so because of living out of this country, or because of the child/children having SEN or LS needs, that I am talking about. It's pretty clear from my post.