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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be curious about boarding school children being at home all the time and the parents...

288 replies

blueglassandfreesias · 19/05/2020 14:24

I wonder how it is having children around the house all the time when parents of boarders aren't used to it.
I saw something about Harrow/ Eton etc will not be re-opening until September.
For families who aren't used to dealing with their children daily, maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 19/05/2020 15:32

I'm registered with an agency to have boarders over holidays so he is living with me, I believe there are lots of children that are boarding with families atm.

Is that a regular thing, having boarders over holidays? So some of them don't go home to their families in these incredible long school holidays?

Truthpact · 19/05/2020 15:34

There are some kids who are sent away to boarding school so their parents don't have to look after them. Thankfully, they are in the minority, and sadly, their parents are either not the ones looking after them still or can't wait for them to go back. They are bad parents, let's face it.

But thankfully, they are the few, not the rule. If it works out better for your child to board, let them. A lot of them love it. Really it's a good experience for them, learning to live away from home. I would maybe only send teenagers away on boarding, not sure on younger kids, but if they like it too why not?

MarginalGain · 19/05/2020 15:34

Is that a regular thing, having boarders over holidays? So some of them don't go home to their families in these incredible long school holidays?

Yes, a great many of them live too far away to return home with every exeat.

I imagine some of them will have been stuck here through the lockdown, although our school allowed international boarders to leave weeks before.

guanciale · 19/05/2020 15:35

you assume boarding school parents are bad parents eh

MarginalGain · 19/05/2020 15:36

I would maybe only send teenagers away on boarding, not sure on younger kids, but if they like it too why not?

On the main boys don't board until 13.

Girls board from 11.

There are of course boarding preps, I agree they're a bit weird but to each his own I guess.

1forsorrow · 19/05/2020 15:36

Gosh people are very defensive. I don't think the op was accusing anyone of anything.

ConkerGame · 19/05/2020 15:37

OP, you seem a bit dim.

Comefromaway · 19/05/2020 15:39

*Is that a regular thing, having boarders over holidays? So some of them don't go home to their families in these incredible long school holidays?

Yes, a great many of them live too far away to return home with every exeat. *

This. Expat is pretty much every 3-4 weeks. Every term there are two exeats plus half term.

My dd can’t wait to go back. She has one friend who couldn’t get back home abroad. I don’t see much of her. She’s turned the dining room into a dance studio and has Zoom classes all day.

She does say she thinks she appreciates us more not being with us ALL the time.

On the other hand there is no way on earth Ds could have ever coped boarding.

shinyredbus · 19/05/2020 15:40

You’re an idiot OP. 🤷🏻‍♀️

CHIRIBAYA · 19/05/2020 15:41

I didn't find your thread at all judgemental, it was merely a question, plenty of judgemental responses though!

megletthesecond · 19/05/2020 15:44

My children don't board but I can assure you there is no bonding or quality time happening in this house. We've had enough of each other.
I've looked at state boarding schools for mine in normal times. Sounds like a good idea for a lot of teens.

Savingshoes · 19/05/2020 15:47

People in the forces, who move round regularly etc sometimes send their children to boarding school to ensure they have continuity instead of bouncing from one school to another.
It must be hard on all children with regards to all the changes but education should come second to health.

Kitsandkids · 19/05/2020 15:48

While I’m sure this is not the case with all boarders, I did once encounter two teenagers who boarded whose parents then didn’t want them around all holidays. They were 14 and 15 and were working a summer job 9-5, 5 days a week. I asked the 14 year old boy if he was enjoying the job and he said it was ok but he wouldn’t have chosen to do it, his mum made him. I thought that was quite sad as he was away from home all term time.

LagunaBubbles · 19/05/2020 15:50

OP you were always on a hiding to nothing. People here fall over backwards to defend sending children to boarding school.

the way OP, the use of phrases such as 'sending your children away' makes you appear incredibly ignorant, bitter and jealous

You will need to tell me what I'm jealous of. Certainly not jealous of not having my children actually living with me and the psychological effects of this.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 19/05/2020 15:55

blueglassandfressias what a poorly worded question if you did not intend to upset people......

maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids

Are you speaking from a perspective of knowledge here? If so how unlucky are you. However, I expect the comment does not come from a perspective of knowledge and comes from simply pure naivety instead..... or perhaps you just wanted to inflame people

I know my children and have a very close relationship despite boarding school Actually a closer and more honest relationship than a lot of my friend's children (day students) have with their parents.

Isn't the more interesting question about how our students are going to 'catch up this time' or how socially distancing from their peers is affecting their mental health or behaviour.......

Roomba · 19/05/2020 15:55

I feel a bit sorry for the lad in DS's class who is a boarder (state grammar with a small number of boarders) and is now at home in Kazakhstan. He can't join any of the online lessons, as they take place in the middle of the night for him. So the school has had to find a way to record lessons and put them online securely for him (and a couple of others) to watch afterwards. Not quite the same as being in the lesson with everyone else.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 19/05/2020 15:56

Chiribya Did you read the OPs question? Confused

TwitterTwatterofTinyMinds · 19/05/2020 15:57

I'm not defensive at all, my children don't board, though others at their school do. Your questions conveyed a clear judgement rather than a sense of inquiry...

Runnerduck34 · 19/05/2020 15:58

Maybe it is a goady thread but tbh i have sometimes judged parents who send their dc to boarding school.
obviously they have school holidays but there is no getting away from.the fact that if dc are in boarding school they dont live together day to day so possibly the closeness you have from seeing someone every day might not be there and issues of juggling childcare, teenage moods, homework,after school activities , appointments etc etc dont arise.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 19/05/2020 16:03

Runnerduck34 the new boarding schools are a world away from the old ones. I spend 30 - 60 minutes every day in direct video calls with my kids and have the impact of good and bad days if anything I think I have more face time with them when they are at school than when they are at home as they are always busy doing things here, where at school they make time and they enjoy the time we talk too.
Juggling appointments happens sometimes its from a distance. Its the same experience as them being home in a lot of ways.

Veterinari · 19/05/2020 16:03

Gosh people are very defensive. I don't think the op was accusing anyone of anything.
Gosh don't you @1forsorrow?
What exactly do you think she meant by 'sending away' and 'getting to know your kids' then?

LightenUpSummer · 19/05/2020 16:05

It's a reasonable enough though to have (assuming OP's being sincere). I wouldn't voice it though.

coronabeer23 · 19/05/2020 16:07

I have never boarded and neither have my children. I don't know about full boarding, it wouldn't be for me but I don't see a problem with it but weekly boarding is a great idea IMO especially for older kids and a marvellous idea for 6th form, great way to make a step towards university and i can see how much it might benefit many children

ITonyah · 19/05/2020 16:07

People use boarding for all sorts of reasons. It’s very rarely if ever because people don’t want to get to know their children

This is all you need to know really OP.

You are either very sheltered, dim and or goady.

Lily193 · 19/05/2020 16:08

Roomba How can they take place in the middle of the night with a current +5h time difference???

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