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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH he's wrong to not let DD have her hair cut short?

180 replies

Crumpetsforthequeen · 18/05/2020 23:24

Long story short DD7 wants her hair cut to her chin, I have no problem with this but DH says it's too short and will only allow up to her shoulders which she's had done in the past. He loves seeing her with long hair (as do I) but isn't she old enough to make her own decisions? Plus she'd look adorable!!

Her reasons go a bit deep as before lockdown her classmates relentlessly bullied her calling her fat and ugly (terms topic was healthy eating so they took it as she's fat because she's taller than them all so 'bigger' than them iyswim)

She's not fat at all, is incredibly healthy, loves vegetables, plays sports but it's left a lasting effect on her and she's incredibly unhappy with how she looks even though I've told her a thousand times everybody is different and she is beautiful and what they say doesn't matter (something we are working on and I've explained that she doesn't need to change for anyone). She seems so excited about the prospect of having shorter hair, something she wanted anyway before the bullying and I think it would give her a real boost.

DH says she'll regret it after it's done but I don't think she will and if she does it'll grow back.

Wibu to tell him to butt out and let her have it done? I get she's just as much his DD as she is mine and I respect his opinion but I feel like it's the right thing to do as it's her hair not ours.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 18/05/2020 23:43

Ask him why. Why exactly does he object to girls having shorter hair? That will open a can of worms ...

Oh yes, Whatthewhatnow. So much this.

AudacityOfHope · 18/05/2020 23:46

No danger would I be asking him what his objections are, given that they don't matter a fuck.

BananaPop2020 · 18/05/2020 23:47

@candycane I completely understand where you are coming from. My parents insisted that I had a horrible pageboy/pudding bowl haircut until I was about 9 years old. I remember crying in the hairdressers as I got relentlessly bullied at school over this, not that it made any difference. This attitude extended to clothing as well. I wish that there had been someone to stick up for me, and it’s such a relief that kids are now aware of bodily autonomy.

indemMUND · 18/05/2020 23:48

Especially given the bullying she's endured I think it would be a good thing to let her have some control over her own decisions. It's her hair and it will grow back. DH can't override everything because of his own preference. Good luck with that when she's a teenager.
She's getting to be her own person and by the sound of it she could do with a boost.

Original poster
Crumpetsforthequeen · 18/05/2020 23:48

I went straight to the school and gave them bollocking for they way they handled it, apparently DD told the teacher and she just told her to get on with her work, unfortunately this school is rife with policy flouting something I have brought up multiple times, they now hate me at the school as I tend to bring up the bad stuff when everyone else would just roll over and take it.

Hence why I'm so adamant she does what she feels is best with her hair, don't let people push you over, dont ignore the injustices, stand up for what you believe in and fight for it! It's a wonder DH married me lol

OP posts:
Cocacola12 · 18/05/2020 23:51

YA definitely NBU. It’s her hair.
My dd(5) has very long very thin hair which I would love to cut as it would just look so much healthier but she loves her hair being long so I’d never force her to cut it. She is also very slim (always has been) and came home from school few months ago saying that girls in her class said she had stick legs 😢 they are 5 ffs! It’s absolutely ridiculous that young girls are being fat and skinny shamed.

MamaGee09 · 18/05/2020 23:52

IVe never discussed our kids getting hair cuts with dh, I take them to the hairdressers get their hair cut, no discussion before hand.

Kids get their hair cut how they like it.

JudyCoolibar · 18/05/2020 23:53

Surely it's a no-brainer. What father would put his wish to see long hair above his daughter's happiness and wellbeing?

FortunesFave · 18/05/2020 23:56

YOU need to teach your DD that men don't control female's bodies in ANY way and you need to do this by taking her to get her hair cut and telling her

"That's what you want that's what you do"

indemMUND · 18/05/2020 23:56

My DD is 8 and wants to get her ears pierced. I am heavily pierced and a massive hypocrite in not wanting her to have them done because to me she is perfect. However, she's old enough to understand what it entails and the aftercare required. It's not my choice to make. If the world gets back to normal and she still wants them done then I will take her to have them done properly (no Claire's). Age appropriate right to make their own choices.

Name7 · 18/05/2020 23:57

If it’s long enough she can donate to www.littleprincesses.org.uk
Hair grows quickly if she doesn’t like it shorter. This is absolutely something she should be able to choose!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 18/05/2020 23:57

Little girls with pixie cuts look so funky - I love that look. My DD was too much of a princess at that age, she would have been mortified but its a great look.

GabsAlot · 18/05/2020 23:58

my dad wouldnt let me have my hair cut till i was 12-obsessed with it being long he hates short hair

except my mum practicaly had a pixie cut when they met-unless its something ridiculous kids shold choose

jackstini · 18/05/2020 23:58

Not his hair, not his choice!

Absolutely let her have it cut how she wants, it will give her some confidence after the bullying and cement the thought that we don't have hairstyles to please men!

My dd went from waist length to just above shoulders at age 9 and loved it. Donated the hair to little princess trust too - your dd might like to do that?

waitingforadulthood · 18/05/2020 23:59

He is being horribly controlling and your dd deserves bodily autonomy!

Longdistance · 19/05/2020 00:00

Your dd is at the age where she can have her hair cut to her specification. Your dh needs to have a word with himself. It’s not his hair.

Divebar · 19/05/2020 00:00

My Dad told me he’s never forgiven me for cutting my hair ( when I was about 13). How weird is that to tell your adult daughter.? I think it’s a bit unkind to prevent something which seems to be reasonable and within your power to give. I also feel sad about a very brisk mother I know who makes her daughter have a shorter “ more practical “ style rather than let her have it longer. She’ll
undoubtedly turn up in polyester slacks one day.

Neednewwellies · 19/05/2020 00:12

I don’t understand the concept of equating long hair with little girl. My eldest is a teenager now but she had short hair from about 3-8 then she started to grow it. Lots and lots of little girls have short chin length bobs. I actually think they look very cute and pretty and childlike so not at all indicative of ‘older girl’ at all.

It’s hair. If she doesn’t like it, she can grow it out. He doesn’t own her and a chin length bob on a 7yr old is perfectly ok. But more than that, your daughter is asking for it to enable her to regain her self esteem after some nasty bullying. Don’t deny her that.

Chickenitalia · 19/05/2020 00:14

Dd went from waist length hair to a graduated bob just under her cheekbones at age 8. Entirely her choice, and donated to Little Princess Trust. She looks stunning as it is the perfect style for her hair, and so different from all the other girls at school too. After she had it done there was a stream of haircuts as the confidence and distinction it gave her rolled through the other girls. I will admit it took me a while to get used to how different she looked, but never would I have stopped her.

She’s currently furious as it’s down to her shoulders and annoying her, she loved it away from her neck. But hey, she understands it’s temporary.

It’s hair. It will grow. Tell your dh to get over himself, and cut it, when you get the chance. She will love you for listening to her and will feel so grown up. Just make sure the style she chooses suits her hair type, she will look fabulous.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 19/05/2020 00:14

Does he tell you what hair style to have?

Crosswordocelot · 19/05/2020 00:19

Guilty secret - I've been a bit like that about my DDs hair and shes 14! Blush
She wanted it cut for ages and I kept trying to talk her out of it. (I think it's because my parents persuaded me to have an awful bowl style cut when I was young and I hated it and immediately wanted to grow it long again!) Then I said i was ok with it and she says it's part if who she is and doesn't want it cut now.(it could do with it, its below waist length and quite wispy at the ends)

YourWinter · 19/05/2020 00:19

At 7 years old your daughter can choose short hair, it's not up to parents to forbid it.

Stinkycatbreath · 19/05/2020 00:19

To be honest I would either cut it for her ir take her to a hairdresser as soon as. I feel really strongly that she should haveher hair within reason how she wants. My son is currently sporting a mohawk he is three and chose it himself. Nursery hate it my husband hates it. I give no shits.

Winterwoollies · 19/05/2020 00:27

Just out of interest @Crumpetsforthequeen what would he say to you if you wanted to lop all your hair off?

He doesn’t own her (or you) and I think giving her a chance to express herself a bit may help her self image. It certainly did for me at a similar age. Don’t teach her than men get a say over what she does with her body. I know that sounds a bit dramatic.

Is her hair long enough to donate to the Little Princess Trust? That might be a double whammy of joy for her if it is.

Winterwoollies · 19/05/2020 00:28

That men*