To tell DH he's wrong to not let DD have her hair cut short?

[Crumpetsforthequeen]

Long story short DD7 wants her hair cut to her chin, I have no problem with this but DH says it's too short and will only allow up to her shoulders which she's had done in the past. He loves seeing her with long hair (as do I) but isn't she old enough to make her own decisions? Plus she'd look adorable!!

Her reasons go a bit deep as before lockdown her classmates relentlessly bullied her calling her fat and ugly (terms topic was healthy eating so they took it as she's fat because she's taller than them all so 'bigger' than them iyswim)

She's not fat at all, is incredibly healthy, loves vegetables, plays sports but it's left a lasting effect on her and she's incredibly unhappy with how she looks even though I've told her a thousand times everybody is different and she is beautiful and what they say doesn't matter (something we are working on and I've explained that she doesn't need to change for anyone). She seems so excited about the prospect of having shorter hair, something she wanted anyway before the bullying and I think it would give her a real boost.

DH says she'll regret it after it's done but I don't think she will and if she does it'll grow back.

Wibu to tell him to butt out and let her have it done? I get she's just as much his DD as she is mine and I respect his opinion but I feel like it's the right thing to do as it's her hair not ours.

[GlitteryUnicornSparkles]

Its her hair let her choose. Hair grows, its not like its stuck like that forever if she changes her mind.

[GrolliffetheDragon]

he doesn't want to lose that little girl in her so soon

I liked DS with longer hair, thought he looked adorable. At 5 he asked for it shorter, and you know what? I felt a bit sad inside, but on the outside I happily let him have the haircut he wanted. Of course he still looked adorable afterwards!

I see no reason why children can't pick the length of hair they prefer.

[Macncheeseballs]

Its sexist nonsense. Short hair on girls is great.

[whoknowswhichwayisup]

I say that as someone who was forced to have long hair by my father and I feel very sad about it looking back.

[whoknowswhichwayisup]

Ffs. Boys don't have to have hair getting tangled & knotty- why on earth should it be any different for girls?! It's her body- she's not asking for anything crazy.

[bluebluezoo]

I've always found it really odd and controlling when men insist their daughters have long hair. Why would you force your child to look a certain way?

A lot of women feel the same way. Many won’t let their dc go against gender norms for fear of bullying, or because they believe in gender stereotypes. There’s a thread atM where o/p’s toddler’s hair won’t grow long and she’s devastated that people assume boy.

I once posted on a forum about my frustrations with strangers in the street insisting my child was a boy, to me, to her face.

I got told fairly roundly I should make her grow her hair. That would solve the issue, because little girls should have long hair or people will think they’re boys.

[Soubriquet]

I hated when my dh wanted to cut my ds’s hair. He wanted to cut it short...and then I realised, it was what DS wanted not me or dh

And ds wanted his hair short like daddy and then afterwards like a Mohawk

I hated both...but I pretended I loved it as he did.

Tell your dh to butt out

[katseyes7]

@candycane222 l'm with you on this one.
My mother was the same, always made me have my hair cut short and l hated it. She wasn't interested in hair, makeup, clothes, etc, at all, so in a way l can understand it, but my hair was really short like a boy's and really didn't do me any favours.
l'm 61 now and l've had varying degrees of long hair most of my adult life.
OP, My cousin's daughter is 25 and has had a very short pixie cut for about 5 years now, and she looks gorgeous. But it's her choice to have her hair like that. My two stepsons both have long hair. Again, their choices.
lf it's bothering your daughter that much, her dad needs to take that into account. Why would anyone want to make their child unhappy and uncomfortable?

[Asthenia]

Oh OP your post broke my heart a little! Your daughter sounds like me when I was her age. I agree with most posters that her hair is totally her decision and your husband should understand that. I hope it all goes well.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions is a great book for a man raising a girl. It has suggestions like, "don't see marriage as an accomplishment" because it's not seen as one for men. It's from an African perspective so it has very specific cultural suggestions as well. But it challenges a lot of norms. I left it in the toilet for light reading for DH.

The one you might draw attention to is "'Because you are a girl' is never a reason for anything".

[BubblyBarbara]

Wait until she wants to shave her head haha

Or wants a face tattoo when she's 15.

[Megatron]

It did shut him up and I would have felt bad had he apologised, but he didn't. Twat.

[TheSandman]

Let her cut it short. It's her hair. My oldest DD demanded - and got - a no2 buzzcut at that age. She still wears it short now her sister on the other hand can just about sit on hers it's so long. It's a personal choice and it's your daughter's to make; not her dad's.

[NoMorePoliticsPlease]

Wait until she wants to shave her head haha

[NoMorePoliticsPlease]

Would he be the same with a boy?

[YinMnBlue]

Megatron

No - you were not OTT!

How dare he!?

You could maybe have added that he would look a bit more womanly himself if he had his bollocks kicked in, so he should maybe think twice before giving women unsolicited advice on their appearance.

[YinMnBlue]

What if she wanted a tattoo or her ears pierced?

It is illegal for tattooists to tattoo 7 year olds. Totally different - it is invasive, and permanent.

Personally I don't agree with adults deciding to punch holes in small children's earlobes in order to decorate them, but it is a custom deeply ingrained so that won't change. I would probably allow a 10 or 11 year old to make that decision for themselves though.

[NewMinouMinou]

Megatron - what a knobber. I hope that shut him up and that you’re well.

[BoomyBooms]

I'm going to be reluctant to let my daughter cut her hair that short I think... Maybe because mine takes soooo long to grow, if she's anything like me then if she didn't like it she'd be stuck with it for years. Maybe I just like long hair and I'm being selfish! I wouldn't stop her if it was so very important to her though.

That said, please think about your daughter's hair type!! Not all hair types work with short hair, if hers is fly away frizzy or curly then short could actually create a lot more work for you both.

[Timekeeper1]

Definitely allow her to make her own decision on her hair length.

I find the school's refusal to do anything about bullying to be far more concerning. If it was me, I'd be enrolling my child in another school. And I live in a rural area with not much choice, but I would do it.

Keeping your daughter at that school is doing far more harm to her than having her hair long or having her hair short. #Priorities.

[Megatron]

The amount of peolle who told me i would be prettier with longer hair, was astounding.

We had a temp come into work a couple of months ago. He told me that I would look so much more 'womanly' if I had longer hair.

I told him that I would no doubt look more womanly if I hadn't had my tits removed 5 months before because I had cancer and that losing my hair to chemo was the least of my worries.

Totally over the top and I probably shouldn't have said it but it made me feel so shit.

[Fluffybutter]

My dd has a chin length bob at 7 and it was still knotty 🤦‍♀️ She has fine hair but lots of it so I think it’ll always be knotty .
She is 9 now and won’t even contemplate short hair , the longer the better in her eyes!

[MulticolourMophead]

Actually, I've just been talking about this thread with my DD, now an adult. She just said there is a really big rise in gender steroetypes and that this can be seen with Kinder eggs as an example. She recalls that when she was young, they came in one type, but are now distinctly gendered.

And yes, if DD had wanted a shaved head as a little girl, I'd have let her have the style.

[JRUIN]

At your DD's age I think it's so wrong that your DH thinks he has the right to tell her how she should wear her hair. Let the poor girl have a say fgs.

[lazylinguist]

he doesn't want to lose that little girl in her so soon
Quite apart from the fact that that is an irritating attitude in itself, having her hair cut won't stop her being a little girl fgs! He is being completely and utterly unreasonable.