I’m starting to think I might have to end my marriage

[SquishyBones]

Been married 4 years. Together 8 years.

Our lives together are depressing to be honest. We don’t do anything. Even before lockdown we would just sit around the house all weekend. He plays computer game. Tonight he finished work at 4:30 and has been sat on the computer in another room ever since. I’ve just heard him now chatting away to an American guy while I’m sat in here on my own. We don’t have sex anymore (because he doesn’t come to bed until after midnight as he’s back on his game once I go to bed).

My life consists of getting up at 6am Monday to Thursday. Going to work. Getting home at lunch time. Walking the dog and then ... nothing. I feel that if I lived on my own I wouldn’t feel so bored and lonely as stupid as it sounds.

Thursday night I start drinking ... and I drink heavily throughout the weekend through sheer boredom. I know it’s not his job to entertain me but surely the point of being married is to enjoy each other’s company?

My aunt has just started divorce proceedings and she’s just secured tenancy on her own house. I’m actually jealous. I would love to live alone.

My problem is I don’t have a secure job (I’m bank staff for nhs) and I have a beloved dog that I simply must take with me. Or could I get him to leave??? Buy him out somehow??

I’ve just had enough now. I’ve well and truly had enough.

Leave. Life is too short for this OP.

@SquishyBones your H sounds like my ex. We did nothing, he would spend entire weekends playing games. When we lived in his flat, he would spend the entire time playing and I would just have to watch him...or sit in the bedroom reading/twiddling my thumbs. It took over his life, even when he was working from home - he'd play on the PS4 with his work phone to hand.

I never cared if he played games now and again, this was on another level, it was just all consuming, all of the time. I'd be waiting for him to cook dinner/tell me what he wanted to order and he was too busy playing to do it (yet if I was watching a TV show and was late cooking dinner, I'd never hear the end of it!)

He also did the whole ruining things that I wanted to do by being shitty and awful as well. Your Thailand story took me back to our trip to India, one night he was so moody, wouldn't talk to me properly, left me alone the whole day (I went to the beach), we had a reservation for dinner and he was being so shit, I told him I wasn't coming. He stormed off and took the key card so that I would have to sit in the dark.

I get you, he has drained any joy you had out of you, leaving him will help that, I promise. Over time, I realised my ex was massively abusive (physical and emotional) and I eventually found the strength to divorce him. I moved countries afterwards and living alone is bliss!

@squishy.

Looks like you've been looking at finances and secure jobs etc which is brilliant.

Your only a year older than me.

I still feel in my 20s op with an awesome dh who also feels younger.
Because we have fun together and enjoy each other's company,get each other's humour and want to spend time together.

Don't ever settle. It's not worth it.

Your a strong person and you deserve to be happy and if that means divorcing and splitting the house so be it.

If you know financially you'll manage and Youl also get a life and friends back again and freedom do it.

Get everything in order as quickly and methodically as you can and then seek advice to get the ball rolling.

I was in your shoes in my first marriage.
No kids but more lonely than if I had been single. It just felt wrong.

I had brought it all up so many times and then one day I just thought fuck this,no more and I started to get the ball rolling.

Didn't even tell ex dh what I was doing I figured I'd told him enough times it was not a happy marriage but he was a selfish fuck and didn't care enough to do anything.

When he got the divorce letter from my solicitor he was absolutely gob smacked

He actually had a man tantrum when realisation hit that I wasn't going to be his cleaner cook and surrogate mother anymore and had had enough.

The first words that came out of his mouth were
"You can't leave me"!!!

I said I'd been trying to talk to him for months and he didn't want to acknowledge me at all or change things and is finally snapped.

We stayed in seperate rooms and didn't talk for a good couple of weeks but I was out working or out at the gym or with friends.
I ate out more to avoid buying and cooking food at home and I actually took my clothes to my parents to do

The house went on the market and every time a viewing came up I would shove all his mess under his bed or in his wardrobe,do a surface clean and leave them to it.

It sold quickly to a cash buyer which was perfect.
I secured a mortgage and bought my own small place.

He moved bak with parents and now lives in a house share so clearly hasn't managed to grow up at all and he's in his forties now.

I look back now and shudder

Do it op. Don't look back

www.lawsociety.org.uk/for-the-public/common-legal-issues/getting-a-divorce/

@marblesgoing.

You dodged a bullet! Glad you found someone who made you happy.

Reading your update he sounds awful. Leave him and get your life back. You have years of happiness ahead of you without him.

How are you getting on OP?