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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

348 replies

Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 21:26

I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 17/05/2020 22:19

Well he needs to isolate elsewhere for 14 days and spend that time deciding if he wants a partner and kid or to be one of the lads everyday afterwork and weekends.

My ex was like this. Would finish work at 4/5. Then say he was having a quick kick around. He'd roll in at 8/9/10. Start cooking himself dinner, expect me to be full on conversation and happy about the situation and would be mad if I was too tired for sex.
He use to say "well I work hard so I need time to unwind".

He worked 5 x 8 hour shifts a week.

I worked 6 days a week. I started earlier than him and still took DS to nursery everyday and I finished roughly same time as him and slays collects ds. Plus I then did dinners, bath, shopping and housework.

I also got plenty of twats who seemed to think because he was a bloke I should allow him this and back off. And me thinking he should invest more time in family life cane across as controlling.

I moved away from them all. I'm much happier!

bloodyhellsbellsx · 17/05/2020 22:19

I wouldn’t want a wankered drugged up man child around my poorly DC. Get the door locked and leave his clothes on the drive! You’ve bigger problems than him breaking lockdown rules!

WhatCFeryIsThis · 17/05/2020 22:19

But @ ... it's not the first of the month Shock

So irrational! 😂Wink

ECBC · 17/05/2020 22:20

Sorry OP, at best your DH sounds thoughtless. YADNBU. Ignore the harsh posts

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2020 22:20

Ok op, your issue is he went to a bbq and you’ve a poorly child. I think we all get that,

What people are trying to say is they don’t understand why that’s your issue and not the fact he’s an irresponsible drunk. Irrelevant if you can tell or not,

And yes you did say he drinks all day as a builder, then knocks off at four and sits getting pissed with his mates till 8.

I think we all get you’ve no issue with it. The point being made is most people would have, and if you’re with someone like this, why would you possibly expect them to not go to the bbq. The guy clearly doesn’t give a toss.

For me, you’ve picked the wrong hill to die on.

LovingLola · 17/05/2020 22:21

I think you need to give serious consideration as to whether or not you want to stay in this relationship.
He sounds awful.

borntohula · 17/05/2020 22:22

Are you concerned that anyone is in danger to the extent that you won't let him back in ? That's what it boils down to. Are you going to keep him away from your DS for 2 weeks or not?

RickOShay · 17/05/2020 22:25

Why are you posting Bluntness?
What’s in it for you?

Stefoscope · 17/05/2020 22:27

So he goes out to work and doesn't practice social distancing with colleagues and drinks on the job. He lies to his partner and goes off to a BBQ with another group of people to get pissed and take drugs whilst leaving his partner to look after a young child with an ear and chest infection. Yes, likely this guy was a dick before lockdown, but some of the replies on this thread are bizarre, talk about kicking someone when they're down! YANBU at all OP.

Tootletum · 17/05/2020 22:29

Coronavirus is the least of your problems here. The alcohol is surely a far bigger issue.

Idododoidadada · 17/05/2020 22:30

I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

YANBU. He shouldn’t be at a BBQ/party even if DS didn’t have an infection.

he drinks at work, all day, even whilst still working
^ this is not someone I would want my DS to be brought up full time by.

Original poster
Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 22:31

@borntohula do my posts suggest that I believe he will now isolate for 14 days when he doesn’t see the problem with what he’s done today? Posters on this thread have honestly filled me with no hope what so we’ve of a decent future. Because I picked the wrong dick and I’m unhinged. Every days a school day!!!

OP posts:
highmarkingsnowmobile · 17/05/2020 22:35

Whatever you do, don't get pregnant by him again. So often you read these threads, the guy's proven himself a tosser, but there's always a toddler child and 'I'm pregnant'.

highmarkingsnowmobile · 17/05/2020 22:36

You don't have a decent future with this guy. You did pick a wrong 'un. He's an alcoholic.

HollowTalk · 17/05/2020 22:36

He can't isolate for half an hour, never mind 14 days!

The questions are: do you want to stay with him and can you afford to leave him/kick him out?

Zombiemum1946 · 17/05/2020 22:37

Yanbu. He's an alcoholic. He will likely not be fit to care about lockdown, hence the mouthful you got on the phone. I don't know how you see this going in the long term but from the outside it doesn't look good .

LemonPudding · 17/05/2020 22:38

Some people on this thread seem to have lost their marbles.

He's a waste of space and he won't change. Either accept that or get rid. The latter being the best option.

AllsortsofAwkward · 17/05/2020 22:38

OP what's worrying is hes sounds like a functioning alcoholic. Its not normal behaviour to be drinking on the job easily as a builder where accidents could happen. I think people pointing out hes not going to have any regard to you're thoughts and feelings because hes used to getting his own way with work and going to the pub. Lockdown makes no difference to him his goal is booze and drugs. Make a plan to leave you and you're little one deserve so much more.

RickOShay · 17/05/2020 22:39

Talk to him op. Tell him how worried you are. Have you got real life support?

borntohula · 17/05/2020 22:39

OP I don't think you're 'unhinged.'

RickOShay · 17/05/2020 22:39

It’s not your fault.

HollysBush · 17/05/2020 22:40

Over 85% of us agree with you OP. HE is unreasonable.

Original poster
Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 22:42

You know what I’m sitting here in tears. I thought was being reasonable, I really did, I really did not expect to be told I’m all of the things that he says I am from a community that I have always found to be supportive. What’s the point in trying to change my life when this is clearly what I deserve? To those that have bothered to be understanding, thank you.

OP posts:
Stefoscope · 17/05/2020 22:43

You're not unhinged OP. The fact he argued that you could have gone with him and presumably taken your ill child with you is really awful on his part.

GingerbreadBiscuits00 · 17/05/2020 22:45

I'd hope he doesn't drive after drinking all day or doing drugs. Alcoholic, drug taker and puts you and your child at risk during a pandemic. Wow.