My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

[Namechangex10000]

I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

Either lock him out or contact women's aid. Whatever you do get out. Your worth more than this.

You are not unhinged op.
I agree with you being angry at his unreasonable behaviour.

i am gonna take a guess that the drug he & his friends take is cocaine?. People who use it always think they are in the right i have found & turns them into the most selfish dickheads.

Dont be dishearted op it can be a supported place. Dont let a small minority knock you down. The situation you're in isn't right you deserve so much more you are not unreasonable and I imagine you're frustrated with his behaviour on the whole.

This thread escalated quickly 😕

Of course he shouldn’t be at a BBQ, but honestly, it sounds like that’s a very small pet of the problem. This ‘man’ shouldn’t be around your child at all if this is indicative of his decision making. I hope you make a sensible decision here.

You have waaaay bigger problems than this BBQ, OP.

So you're living with a guy who can't get through a working day without drinking on the job and buggers off to a BBQ to drink and take drugs while you and his sick child are at home, worrying?

I hope you're not going to have any more children with this man and as for.....

I do everything and anything for my partner and family, wait on them all hand and foot

Stop doing ^^. Why would you anyway???

@Namechangex10000 OP ignore the rude posters blaming you or calling you a nag. I totally get what you mean. I was just thinking this earlier - overall, most men seem FAR more relaxed about covid-19 than women are. Even women who aren't particularly health conscious (smoke, drink heavily, etc.) seem very careful about following lockdown rules, especially those with kids.

Men seem to the opposite - lots of them lying to their partners and going to see friends for a drink, loitering in streets together and going to BBQs - I've had similar issues with my DP. You are not in the wrong and I feel sorry for you, especially as you're only asking him to follow GOVERNMENT rules - not any special rules. Current advice is that you can see ONE friend at a time, socially distanced to 2m in a public open space for exercise, etc. not social group gatherings.

This is the kind of behaviour that's going to get lockdown extended for even longer for everyone AND cause more deaths. You're so right that people who attended the BBQ probably attended other social gatherings too, enhancing the risk.

*that

OP your original post read as you allowed him to go to work and socialise, ok you explained how you ment it, but for some that's a red flag to use that type of language. Then you said he had nipped out to get some bits and swung by a BBQ. Yeah a bit dickish but your reaction seemed above that of the initial explanation.

Then we find out there is far.more to Thai than meets the original post. Your DP is a drug taking , functioning alcoholic, who drinks on the job and has little to no disregard for anything.

So opinions change, and they have towards the latter part of the thread, and rightly so.

Look OP this whole thing isn't going to get better for you, you can't live like this. Can you honestly say he's going to change his drinking and drug taking? You have a 2 year old to think of, do you want him raised by what seems to be a functioning alcoholic with a selfish streak that your are understandinbly and rightly so pissed off about?

Please, consider past the pandemic, is this the man you want in your life for an eternity?? Would you consider turning to friends.or family for support of you have any? This can't go on my dear, you can't live like this. 💐

Instead of this knuckledragging beer swilling druggie, why not just put your focus on having a better future, just dump him, he’s only a boyfriend and is treating you with contempt, and endangering his kid. No reason to continue to service him. That’s a good thing! Hopefully the toddler can recover, not having his trashy father bringing god knows what into his house each day.

YANBU OP I don’t know why some people feel the need to be sarcastic and unhelpful in their replies.
Do you know where the BBQ is? If I did I would report it.
If not, is it possible to ask him to stay elsewhere for the time being? The socialising both in and out of work will be raising your household risk of exposure.
Sorry your DS is ill.

I think you wanted ppl to affirm your feelings. I am shocked at the responses on here. I think you already know the answer. You need to leave. As soon as it is safe to do so. Go to family or aid, or wait it out, but you need to make that decision for yourself. Don’t do anything because MN told you to. Do it for you.

YANBU at all, some weird posts on the first page in particular.

YANBU. You're post was clear - I understood your use of quotes perfectly well. This place is full of muppets just now.

@Namechangex10000
Don’t blame yourself. It’s ok. Make yourself a cup of tea, and sleep on it.
Try and talk to him tomorrow. None of this is your fault. You are right to be worried. I hope you feel better.

@Namechangex10000 your not unhinged. There are just plenty of posters on mumsnet who spend their time here getting kicks of making people feel shit and small to make themselves feel smart.

Your post was clear what you were trying to say that it's not like your are being obsessive and not allowing him out of the house because the risk of Covid is so high.

Your right he is an absolute and utter dick head. I would be furious and you and your son deserve much better.

Covid aside who thinks it's ok to go to the shop and then fuck of to a bbq and leave their partner and child at home with just because they feel like it.

The reality is though if you continue in your relationship there will be situation after situation like this. You shouldnt have to not say anything about him drinking after work and not adhering to social distancing. He is putting you at risk and that behaviour is not a sign of someone who loves and respects you.

OP just ignore certain posters.

@Bluntness100 you're on every thread ranting on that people are overreacting to everything, throwing figures around wherever you can just to seem oh so worldly with your reasoned, calm, statistical thinking. You are starting to sound a bit hysterical yourself.

OP - he's a knob. He can stay with his mates at least until your LO is better. He made his bed let him lie in it.

You sound like you're at the end of your tether @Namechangex10000 has he been in touch with you tonight?

Sounds like his issues are far deeper than breaking lockdown rules; he’s putting your son at further risk than he needs to be and the level of drinking and general having you wait hand and foot doesn’t sound like a good concoction for aaa happy life, even post lockdown! If I were you I’d be thinking more about the future than right now but you’re definitely not being unreasonable

What a nest of revolting fucking vipers this place has turned in to.

Op, no yanbu to expect more from him.

It's not you, yes he is a moron! And a bloody selfish one too. Can he piss off somewhere for a weeks self isolation? Or is your house able to be split into two? That could give you peace of mind while your son is poorly.

Well that's AIBU for you. Not known to attract the most sensitive replies and posts OP I'm afraid!

You are not being unhinged and controlling or over reacting. He sounds like a less than bright teenager not a man with a family.

I'm sorry. The whole drink and drugs things I would struggle with tbh, without partying during lockdown and I know there can be a big macho drinking culture with some builders but this is grim and selfish. He's taken it to another level.

I wouldn't want him back. Tell his parents where he is and that they can entertain him. lock up and get some sleep.

You have a lot of time to do some thinking. Good luck.

God there is some right classroom bullies on here ! Op you are not being unreasonable end of !

Just tell him not to come home. Theres no hope if he cant follow simple rules around not socializing. It's not like he doesn't see his mates if hes working. Keep him out to make sure your son is going to be safe while he's unwell.

If your son has a chest infection you should all be isolating at home for 2 weeks. COVID until proven otherwise.

Wow!! Clearly lockdown is getting to half of these posters 😱
Lockdown rules state what her other half is doing is not allowed!! And everyone is usually pretty vocal abut breaking the rules!
But someone posts and uses the word "allow" in speech marks (which btw OP I took as being sarcastic not controlling) and all hell breaks loose 😂
Jesus all u lot are the basket cases 🙈

Op hope your ok I totally get where your coming from