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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

348 replies

Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 21:26

I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 17/05/2020 22:08

Eh? Why is everyone purposely misunderstanding the OP? It’s not hard to get.

OP, he’s an immature, little show-off who’s all about appearances and not ‘trivialities’ like you and your ill DC. Probably the more you try to tell him, the more he falls into the role of ‘down to earth geezer nagged by her indoors’.

He’s a selfish idiot - and yes, he’s breaking the lockdown rules.

HollowTalk · 17/05/2020 22:08

Your partner is a complete twat, OP. He's paying no attention to social distancing rules and he's drinking far too much, too, from the sound of it.

You know you don't have to stay with him. He prioritises himself, not his child. He takes no notice of you.

The question is whether you want to stay with him.

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2020 22:08

Op, you specifically stated he sat and got “pissed “
with his mates every night, till eight.

Is there maybe a language barrier here? In my world being pissed and being wankered are the same thing. Drunk.

Original poster
Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 22:08

@bigchris I don’t expect him to be back, what I expect, is he will decided to have a night full of drink and drugs with his mates, give me grief for the next few days about how this is my fault, and the reason our son now can’t see his dad is because I have stopped him, and quite frankly, maybe I’ll just let him back because he’s clearly not the only person who thinks that is he

OP posts:
WhatCFeryIsThis · 17/05/2020 22:09

Can you imagine 😂

You're at home alone, your OH went out to get more supplies to work on the house and decided instead to go to a BBQ. You let it slide that he LIED to you and instead focus on the risk to your child who is under two years old and under the weather. OH thinks you're full of shit and decides he's staying out. You're livid. You go on MN to vent about the craziness of the situation. And suddenly you're an unhinged basket case!!

I really don't think any decent person would be comfortable being treated like this OP. I think you might have some difficult decisions to make about your future with this manchild.

zscaler · 17/05/2020 22:09

The more you post the more it sounds like you should of chosen a better dick to let in your vagina tbh

Covid isn’t the issue. The issue is you decided to reproduce with a wanker

Shitty thing to say. Way too often women are blamed for ‘reproducing’ in the first place when their partners are arseholes, when the judgment should be directed at the asshole who isn’t pulling his weight.

You can’t always predict how someone will behave when they have a baby, or indeed under a crisis like Covid-19. Instead of blaming the OP for not having a flawless ability to predict the future, maybe show some empathy for a person clearly struggling as a result of her partners shitty actions - not her own.

AntiHop · 17/05/2020 22:09

He sounds like a selfish arsehole.

SabrinaThwaite · 17/05/2020 22:10

Drinking during working hours on a building site? Wankered or not, that is in no way normal.

Original poster
Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 22:11

@Bluntness100 no there isn’t a language barrier, I’m just not focusing on the bits of this that weren’t my actual issue, he drinks most days, he can go without drink, depends what he’s doing/who he’s with, if he didn’t tell me he’d been drinking all day, I wouldn’t know, if we go “out out” he will drink and get drunk if that’s what he wants, that I can tell, he could do work on the house all day and be drinking while he’s doing it and still seem as normal as ever, I have a glass of wine most nights at the minute, there’s a different between having a drink and getting absolutely smashed.

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 17/05/2020 22:11

I am surprised by some of the comments on heee. I understoid what you meant OP and he is clearly being unreasonable and not you. He is being selfish and childish.
I can understand why there are still 1000s of new Covid infections every day now as it seems that many people are just ignoring the guidelines.

SunflowerSeedsForever · 17/05/2020 22:11

you don’t see my son having an injection as a need for my partner to adhere more strictly to social distancing

What? Why?
I am lost

speakout · 17/05/2020 22:13

he could do work on the house all day and be drinking while he’s doing it and still seem as normal as ever

OP this is not normal behaviour.

ScarletFever · 17/05/2020 22:14

FFS - OP said she "allows him to go to work" (with or without quotes shows what she means)

Sure he is an arse for going to the bbq - but she has much bigger problems than that, he drinks at work, all day, even whilst still working

RickOShay · 17/05/2020 22:14

YANBU at all.
I understood your op perfectly by the way. I don’t know what to suggest though. Does he know how worried you are?

Original poster
Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 22:14

@WhatCFeryIsThis

Yes, I can imagine!!!!!!

I’m off to giggle randomly and pinch people’s bums saying “pinch punch first of the month” even when it isn’t and eat fucking Pom bears because clearly I’m the daughter of mr and Mrs bonkers and have just simply been unaware my whole life! This thread has exhausted me more than my bad choice of dick.

OP posts:
LividLaughLovely · 17/05/2020 22:14

You need to leave him. He’s a twat.

(And for those first few posters wilfully misunderstanding the post, ffs)

Kahlua4me · 17/05/2020 22:14

I think you are definitely not being unreasonable. You have a poorly child at home so he should be staying in to be a parent and not put him at any more risk, however small that risk may be.

It doesn’t really matter what the lock down rules are, your ds is ill so dp needs to avoid all possibility of catching covid and passing it on.

However, it sounds like your dp is a bit of a waste of space really as he is drinking after work and carrying on as though nothing different is happening in the world around him. The only thing that seems to have changed is that the pub is shut so they need to drink on site. That’s what you need to look at and work out how you want your future to be. My dh, and lots of family and friends all work in the trades and have had to change their habits and all of them have done so, with no exception.

Concentrate for now on making sure your little boy is well and not at risk and then work out how you want life to be in the future.....

Original poster
Namechangex10000 · 17/05/2020 22:15

@SunflowerSeedsForever it was a typo, my son has an INFECTION

OP posts:
Hoghgyni · 17/05/2020 22:16

Do you actually live together? You make it sound as though he will now drift in & out between different households. Personally I wouldn't let him back in through the door until he grows up, which could be a very long time.

RickOShay · 17/05/2020 22:16

And @Bluntness100
Very appropriate to debate definitions when the op is obviously upset.
Nicely done.

JinglingHellsBells · 17/05/2020 22:17

Is there maybe a language barrier here? In my world being pissed and being wankered are the same thing. Drunk.

It's funny world some people live in.

The language barrier is not with the OP here that's for sure.

Wankered = drunk?
new one to me.

CoachBombay · 17/05/2020 22:17

OP is there any chance you DP may be a functioning alcoholic and also did you say he will also be taking drugs at this BBQ?

Honestly with the more information I get, the lockdown breach seems like a small infraction. 😳

bigchris · 17/05/2020 22:18

@bigchris I don’t expect him to be back, what I expect, is he will decided to have a night full of drink and drugs with his mates, give me grief for the next few days about how this is my fault, and the reason our son now can’t see his dad is because I have stopped him, and quite frankly, maybe I’ll just let him back because he’s clearly not the only person who thinks that is he

Op please don't let him back Sad have you got any family or a friend who you can call ?

userxx · 17/05/2020 22:18

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously She lost me at "allows" him to go to work. Sweet Jesus. I do love a bbq though, it's got to be said. Op, he sounds an alcoholic, it won't end well.

Purpleartichoke · 17/05/2020 22:19

He shouldn’t be at a party
He shouldn’t be spending 4 hours of his day drinking with his coworkers when he has a child at home to care for.
Even without the pandemic, what do you see in this guy.