My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

[Namechangex10000]

I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

God it really is depressing seeing adult women letting themselves be treated so appalling by another adult.

I think it is sad that women can have their self confidence so eroded that they are happy to accept fewer and fewer crumbs of affection from their selfish arsehole partners.

I'm so sorry, @Namechangex10000. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You're far from the first and far from the last woman to be in love with an abusive man. Your shame and guilt will suffocate you. I deeply urge you to talk to someone--a therapist, women's aid, even your gp for a referral. You're not bad for loving him, but love isn't enough for a relationship: it also takes mutual support, kindness, and patience.

Nice victim-blaming there, Laguna
Try for some empathy for someone who has had their feelings of self-worth destroyed by someone who is supposed to love them, and if it's never happened to you, be fucking grateful. It's not as simple as you think.
If it HAS happened to you, then congratulations on your empathyectomy.

Don't be so ridicolous. I'm not victim blaming. It might not be as simple as you put it but it's very sad that women end up feeling they have no choice but to stay in an abusive relationship. It's depressing as I said. How is that victim blaming get off your high horse.

LagunaBubbles
seeing adult women letting themselves be treated so appalling by another adult.

Maybe you don't see that word 'letting' there?
Should they 'Just say No'?

It might not be as simple as you put it but it's very sad that women end up feeling they have no choice but to stay in an abusive relationship

Well duh - the ultimate aim of all abuse, which destroys a victim emotionally and psychologically, is to make the victim believe she has no choice but to stay in the abusive relationship.

Obviously this thread has gone completely off piste, but just as a reference to the original post - turns out, the police turned up to the bbq and decided it was ok as they were so social distancing??? I despair.

I did find your post insulting @LagunaBubbles I’m sorry I’m not strong enough for your liking. What nobody seems to consider, is if he goes, I’m still under his control with our son, I then have to let me son go to him without me there, and if anybody thinks the courts tend to do the right thing. You’re very very wrong.

@Namechangex10000 did your partner tell you that bit about the police, by any chance? I don't live anywhere near a farm and yet I still smell bullshit! He will say anything to make you seem irrational x

Yes he did, although he didn’t tell me, he was telling a neighbour and I overheard!

so hes saying the police turnd up and siad eveyrone from all households could stay as long as they practised SD-ok then what area are you in so we can clarify that with the local police

I don't belive him either.

I don’t think it’s bullshit. My neighbour passed away and it was her funeral last week. There was a party on the green outside my house with 30-40 of her friends and relatives. There were table and chairs set out and everyone were sat right next to each other. It got reported, the police turned up, told everyone to ‘try to be sensible’, then left them to it

Maybe you don't see that word 'letting' there?

There is no thing wrong with the word letting. Regardless of the reasons they are still letting someone treat them like that. Duh.

did find your post @LagunaBubbles I’m sorry I’m not strong enough for your liking

Sorry you took it that way. Nothing to do with strong during enough. But at the end of the day regardless of how difficult adults have choices. Children don't. Just feel so sorry for the children growing up in these awful relationships and the effect it has on them.

Yeah, it's still victim blaming because you're telling the OP that it's her fault that she's choosing to stay with this horror of a man.
But you keep telling yourself that you're right and the rest of us are wrong.

At the start i was a nut case anti backing everything, light switches, bannisters, door handles, toothbrushes m, make up, car keys, you name it. Was pointless as someone in my household was still meeting people so I stopped.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been shopping and eaten something on way home without washing my hands and no one has been sick, no one. None of the people we’ve mixed with have been sick.

Try and relax a bit.

sugar thats just patronising her child is ill her dh doesnt give a shit

just because some of us havent had it doesnt mean other wont

I saw a big gang of builders on monday pm, all drinking take- away beers near a pub that was doing plastic pint glasses, all sat or stood really close together. Looked like about 20 of them. I was tempted to get a takeaway pint but thought better of it.

Honestly, I do believe it! I can imagine it’s probably quite intimidating for a couple of officers to go to a house and seem like “party poopers” despite it being their job but I do actually think that’s what happened, doesn’t help that the guy who’s party it was is quite high profile in the area and thinks he’s something special (as does everyone else) so tends to get away with murder.

@Sugartitss I have stated, I’ve not been over the top about Covid, I go to the shop if I have to, I don’t anti bac my shopping etc but at the end of the day, what’s been the point in this “lockdown” period if people just decide the rules don’t apply to them? Me and my son might as we have bloody gone with him, he doesn’t really that the affect is the same. It’s his attitude that going to a bbq is worth risking our sons health for, I don’t think our son is suddenly going to die, I don’t “really believe” he will even catch anything further, but I don’t know that do I and this “it won’t ever happen to me” attitude isn’t going to get anybody anywhere.

There is no thing wrong with the word letting. Regardless of the reasons they are still letting someone treat them like that. Duh

That word is 100% the problem, LagunaBubbles.

You clearly know nothing about domestic violence. Lucky you.

And beat her up about the effect on the children and how she is choosing that too, while you're at it.

FGS..

Back to the actual point instead of arguing amongst yourselves...

It breaks my heart every single day that he obviously doesn’t feel the same about me.
I think you are right there sadly.

There is something heartbreaking about anyone who prioritises drugs and drink over their very young family. If you think it's bad now imagine your life in the future when the kids are older and you are sitting in alone waiting for him to deign to turn up. I hope you make some strong family and friend connections and find the strength in the future to go it alone OP with their help.

Men like this seem forever trapped in an old macho culture and have never really emotionally developed from the age of 17. They make selfish partners and rarely change.

I wonder what his parents are like and what kind of relationship they have?
Luckily I have only ever known a couple of men like this and they were exactly replicating their own fathers, who treated their own wives badly. They were all pretty unhappy people.

@bringbacksideburns his dad would never behave in this way! However, he is a mummy’s boy and can do no wrong (she also doesn’t like me, so actively encourages this shit!!!) the amount of times she’s sat there telling me he’s an arsehole etc but I should just deal with and I say hang on, would you “deal with it” from his dad??? Doubt it. I’d say the dad is me in their relationship!!