My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

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I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

OP, that sounds awful, I’d be furious. I’d tell him he can’t come back here as the risk is too high for your dc.

I think Laguna wins that one [applauds]

OP just another one to reassure you that the inverted commas around “allow” made sense. YANBU

I honestly don't know why you were called unhinged , the people that are calling you unreasonable are clearly unhinged as you are definitely NOT allowed to go to a bloody bbq ! And I wouldn't let him back in the house of it was my dh! Yanbu your dh is a selfish prick op x

He sounds like a selfish irresponsible prick.

I hope you're okay this morning OP.

I mean no he shouldn't have gone to the bbq and you do sound a bit batshit but I think the bbq is a red herring. He drinks all day at work and then for hours afterwards? He's an alcoholic OP and I doubt he's bringing much to the relationship. I'd seriously reevaluate

You are not in the wrong op!..you are not batshit either!.social distancing is still enforced!.you have a sick child so that should of been his priority!..kick him in the balls

@lagunabubbles

People like you for example

Sorry to disappoint your self righteous post, but I too have just spent a weekend on call working in a covid area, but didn’t mention it as it’s not at all relevant to the post 🙄 If you RTFT I agreed with the OP and advised her to get rid of her man child. My poor lad will need a drink comment was in relation to her ‘allowing’ him to go to work, but as the thread has evolved more information has been given we now understand what the OP meant. But thanks for your wrong assumption about me, I must not be working as hard as you tho, as I’m never too exhausted for a drink

@LagunaBubbles threads like this must literally make you wonder what the hell some people are thinking. 😟

I'm hoping he's not come back, to be honest you need to get rid completely.

He sounds awful.

YANBU. Going to a BBQ right now is irresponsible at the least and against the law.

He shouldn’t be hanging out drinking for hours (or at all) with his mates after work either. That isn’t putting his family first. We all owe it to each other to take as much care as possible to not spread this sodding virus and this clearly isn’t the way to go about it.

Ummm
I think the bbq is the least of your worries if he is happy to take drugs and regularly drinks all day at work.
How does he get to and from work?
Does he ever drive the baby anywhere.. is he ever fully sober..

400 odd under 45s out of almost 40,000 people have died.

Thats why your baby can't see family. Because if your baby carries the virus and passes it onto someone over 45.. they're more likely to die.
Simple as that really.

If he works on a building site where there is a culture of drinking and drug-taking all day, I'd suggest you let the council's health and safety people know. It's several accidents waiting to happen.

I cannot imagine for one second how I have come across to anybody as “batshit” maybe I need to understand that people reD things differently but I think that whole thing is weird.

My post is not a drip feed post, there’s a much bigger picture of course, however, my point was quite simply - am I wrong for thinking he should not be at a bbq because right now I’m being made to feel like I’ve lost my mind.

The subject of his inability to follow the rules, is not one that hasn’t be raised before, I’m fact, it has been brought up mere days ago, a long winded heart to heart has been had, we are at breaking point, I’m at the end of my tether, it’s extremely clear how I feel, and yet....2 days later here we are again.

If anybody really needs further explanation or detail (and I’m not sure why, because as far as I’m concerned he could be Prince Charming, but he’s still wrong) the bbq has been mentioned previously, I have very clearly explained why we cannot go, he did not object, we’ve been getting on and doing the house and I thought things were great, he definitely left the house to do what he said he was doing, however, he also had to drop something off to the house where the bbq was occurring, I did suspect, as soon as he was asked again he would start whining like a teenager that he wanted to go, he sent me a text “do you not fancy going to bbq?” I reply “no, as I’ve said, not worth the risk to baby” (as if that’s the only reason!!!) I’m sitting there like a twat for hours waiting for him to bring home the stuff I needed to get on with what we had planned, eventually FaceTime him and he’s there, cue me being a bit ????? And that’s when all the “but I asked you” started - at no point, did he say HE was going, and it still doesn’t change the fact, that if he goes and comes back here, then we might as well have all fucking gone, no? I’m not controlling, I don’t give a flying fuck that he’s at a bbq whilst I’m at home, what I give about is his complete lack of regard and “it will be fine” attitude with regards to our son when he is clearly not immune, not above the law and most certainly not a doctor, he doesn’t get to make the decision as to wether our son gets ill or not, does he?

I even explained, that by following the rules I shouldn’t allow him near any of us for 2 weeks (there are more children) and even that wasn’t likely as he was clearly not going to follow any rules in those two weeks and he said “ok fine, I’ll be back in two weeks”

I say

“Wow, you are choosing a bbq over your family”

He’s says

“No, that’s what your saying”

Fucking infuriating

He sounds like a dick OP.

Did he come home op? I'd insist that he stays somewhere else until your little boy is better, to give you some space and time to evaluate. You might be surprised at how little you miss him, he must be infuriating to live with. Is he pretending that you wanted to go to the bbq too, to turn the row into something it isn't, or has he misunderstood and genuinely believes that your problem is that you missed the fun? Because on top of everything else, that would make him too stupid for you.

Anyway, I hope you use the opportunity to have a bit of time for yourself and ds.

OP in the kindest way, it’s not really about the barbecue. You’re right he shouldn’t have gone- there’s no doubting that, but his behaviour sounds like just the tip of the iceberg and things have come to a head.
The question is, are you happy to spend the rest of your life with him? If so then fine, but if you have any nagging doubts it might be worth thinking about why.
People on here are telling you what they would or wouldn’t put up with in a relationship. I wouldn’t put up with what you’ve described, but your line in the sand may be different.

Sorry crossed post (I'm a slow typist). It must be like talking to a wall, I think you need a break from him - he doesn't seem to care what you say or think.

Hey OP - you are not mad - your partner is being a total dick. Honestly - ditch him. Life is too bloody short for that kind of shit, and your kids will be better away from someone who endangers their health and treats their mum like shit. Hugs

YANBU. Can’t believe you’ve been called unhinged, it’s really clear that you put the quotation marks there for a reason. Your son has a chest infection and your husband is socialising at a BBQ. It’s pretty clear he’s being ridiculous. People love to jump on ANYTHING to ridicule the OP. Pathetic.

So what are you going to do op? Are you going to let him back in when he comes home? Personally I’d pack a bag and leave it on the doorstep for him.

Right now, it is about the BBQ (and his other flouting if distancing) because of the immediate infection danger.

But that is alongside the bigger picture.

And it is very hard to move out/separate during lockdown, without passing the risk on.

If he is in your house OP, do you have a spare room he can sleep in? My 2 D.C. and I lived with DH for two weeks while he had the virus and we didn’t catch it. Didnt occupy the same room at the same time, no close contact, soaped / bleached / sanitised hands, door handles, light switches etc.

Put him in solitary confinement within the house if neither of you have a place to go.

Op go to toolstation buy deadlocks to put on your doors and do not let this man back into your house , he's not an appropriate person to be around your child ..x

I'm really sorry about all the people on here telling you that you sound controlling.
They don't anything about your life from that little snippit ... I think you are reacting this way because it comes from a place of worry and it's filling you with fear- mama bear is kicking in and you need to protect your baby.
Your husband was wrong to go to the BBQ. Even if he was a single man living alone it would have been wrong.
When he comes back you need to try a different tactic- dig deep and show how vunrable you are feeling- rather then the anger which is just the first layer.
Tell him how worried you are for you DS and the situation as a whole.
Try to use 'I feel' instead of 'you did...'
If he cares about you and loves you he will want to make it better.
If after a few days of talking he is still not acting responsibly you can calmly ask him to move out until it's all over...
Lots of love your way- remember to stay positive for DS

I hope you're considering the future without that selfish PoS who feels drinking and BBQs are far more important to him than the health of his currently sick child.