My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

[Namechangex10000]

I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

what do you see in him?

We could all ask this of each other. But what is the point?

I also got caught up in wrong relationships in life. Who hasn't?

Let's just support each other. Right now we need it more than ever in this weird reality we are living in, eh?

Ideally, If you can, see if he can stay somewhere away from you and your child due to risk of spreading the virus.
I know it’s not ideal since he’s been out so late and will just want to crash out in bed. But I’m just concered for you and your child.

Keep us updated

I have no idea what "pinch punch first of the month" means, it what a pom bear is for that matter, but I wouldn't let him come home.

Oh op you don’t have to let him back in. I wouldn’t. I’d suggest you leave but it must be easier to look after your baby in your home so don’t, but don’t let him in.

You're not unhinged OP, people are on one and picking apart your post because it's a quick gratification fix.

So lets break it down:

He drinks all day while working on a building site.
He stays after work and carries on drinking for hours with friends without social distancing.
He pretended to go to the shop but then snuck off to a BBQ.
During all that's happening your son has a chest infection and he is out socialising and not giving a fuck.

Sounds like a keeper!

YANBU

I should have read the thread to see all the other posts the same! Fuck him right off.

YNBU - I would low key tip the bbq party off to the police and watch him return with his tail between his legs!

You really don’t sound like a nutcase whatsoever. There’s a global pandemic happening, staying at home is safest for all right now and if you can’t do that at least stay the fuck away from others. Your ‘D’P thinks it’s fine to carry on like usual, let him catch covid and get ill but don’t let him also make you and your DS sick. I’d personally tell him he can’t come home, he isn’t sticking to lockdown rules so fuck him.

... if I hear “I asked if you wanted to come” one more time, I am going to totally lose my shit.

That doesn't even make sense - how could he have asked you to come to a BBQ when he said he was going to a shop? How could you both go out anywhere with a sick baby? Anyway, your point wasn't that YOU could/should have gone, but that HE should not have.

Maybe he's thick, maybe he's drunk/high, maybe he's just determined to do what he wants and will use any excuse. I don't know if it's realistic or possible for you to keep him out when he returns, but it's reasonable to consider it.

This isn't a "difference of opinion/lifestyle" situation. He knows that public gatherings are prohibited (if you're in the UK) and an unnecessary risk. But if you'd written "Home with sick baby, partner went to pick up a prescription but got distracted and robbed a bank, shot ten people, and hijacked a plane to Mexico - AIBU to be angry?" you'd likely still get a few wags insisting YABU.

... he will have decided to have a night full of drink and drugs with his mates, give me grief for the next few days about how this is my fault, and the reason our son now can’t see his dad is because I have stopped him...

This sounds miserable. Have a calm sober discussion if and when he's able - but it sounds like you've tried that already. But stop trying to argue with him when he's talking nonsense - it's only annoying you and wasting your time.

Op sorry you have had such a hard time in this thread but you're right your husband shouldn't be at a BBQ right now. And it is completely selfish to stay out all night. I echo pp in saying that you have bigger Problems than him flouting the lockdown. What do you get from this man. Doesn't sound like he does much for you and your son if he can't get through the day without drinking.

Fucking hell, OP, he is a massive twat.

Don't let him back in the house for 2 weeks to protect your little one. Spend those two weeks thinking about whether this is really what you want your life to be like.

Then LTB if the answer to the above is "no".

You are definitely not in the wrong here @Namechangex10000. Yes your 1st post was worded strangely but I am sure most people understood what you really meant and even if you were controlling doesn't mean he gets to ignore the guidelines and put others at risk. I cannot really believe anyone on here actually thinks it's ok that he went off to a BBQ.

He is a wanker and you most definitely should not be allowing him back in the house, he thinks it's ok because you have shown him it is by knowing hes socialising all this time. He should not be putting you at risk.

Get him to fuck OP. Raise your standards, take your lovely child and go and have a happy life as far away from this awful cretin as possible.

And the vipers can fuck off too.

OP if he's drinking all day on the job and then drinking more with mates and you've said a few times now that you have no doubt he'll have taken drugs too then no wonder you're at the end of your tether. What has he said in the past about his drinking and drug taking? Does he feel it's an issue?

YNBU

Ignore the goady, deliberately obtuse early posts. You are not being controlling; you are putting your child first and trying to follow the rules. Your partner is selfish and immature.

Don't let him back in the house for 2 weeks to protect your little one

He won’t be safe to one back in two weeks unless he observes proper distancing . Of which there will be no chance!

@Yawnyoureboringme
Why did you post that? Do you feel better now?

@Namechangex10000, I hope things are better this morning. Try and talk to him about how he is making you feel, it’s ok. You will come through this.

Am I reading a different thread? I don’t think the OP sounds “unhinges” or “a nutcase” at all I think she sounds like she’s at the absolute end of her tether.

@GoatyGoatyMingeMinge the OP's 'commands'? Um, what a weird way to put it.

If he were inclined, which he isn't, I would ask my DH not to go to a BBQ in the middle of a pandemic in order to safeguard our family. I'm pretty sure that he, or anyone else who is kind of normal, wouldn't see it as a command.

OP, this place is full of batshit weirdos at the moment, as demonstrated by some of the posts. There are some things with which there is no grey area and this is one of them so there's no discussion to be had really. YANBU.

Good luck OP, I think this relationship sounds awful and you've swapped what you thought was flexibility for being a mug.

Stop being a mug. You'd be right to dump him. He brings nothing good to your life or your child's life - just trouble and strife. And frustration.

As for some of the earlier posts on this thread - these posts come across as being made by very, very little people looking for ways to express their own personal inadequacies. Unfortunately rather a lot of them have adopted 'AIBU' as their 'safe space,' which is a shame as 'AIBU' used to at least be a bit of a laugh. Try and gloss over them.

OP, YANBU to not want him behaving as he is. He’s a selfish, stupid tosser.

I must admit, your initial post sounded very controlling and a bit crazy but it’s clear from updates you were having a rant because you’re knackered, fed up, stressed, worried perhaps? In his head, he thinks his behaviour is okay because you’re a nag. You’re both drinking every day. This really is just a horrible situation, can he go and stay with a friend for the rest of lockdown? I really think you’d both be better off apart.

I hope your son recovers quickly, poorly babies are a real worry.

Im sorry to hear ur going through this , hes sounds like an idiot who has no consideration for u or ur child, and im not really why so many people have just been weird on here really weird

dear, I don’t blame him you sound a nightmare! Poor lad will need a good drink!

Funny enough I good do with a good drink. But I'm too exhausted after work treating Covid patients, it's still spreading thanks to selfish fuckwits like OPs DH and people that are selfish and support just doing what you like. People like you for example.

Clearly many of you fuckwits have missed the point , as usual .
Yanbu op , kick the selfish prick out for 2 weeks .
See if he’ll take your ds’ health seriously then