To be “peopled out”

[Sexnotgender]

Having a down day and I think I’ve realised it’s because there’s someone here ALL THE BLOODY TIME.

I love my family but dear lord what I wouldn’t give for a few hours solitude.

It's 7.32, I'm sitting in the garden with coffee and DS3 has followed me out here to Burble. So far he's been pleased to see the roses, given me a running commentary about the dog for a bit (who was blamelessly sitting under my chair), observed a pigeon and asked if I want to hear his song about pizza. I said no because I am a callous mother who doesn't love him and I just want some space.

I went to Tesco yesterday, and whoever described it as like 2 weeks all-inclusive in the Maldives was right (not that I've ever actually done that 😭). I had 90 minutes without anyone asking me anything. If only I could have stopped at Costa too.

One word...shed.

The problem with sheds and headphones and even baths with the door shut, is that when you have small kids you still need to hear them even when you don’t want to hear them. So every time H decides to strum the opening bars to Michael Jackson’s beat it or the theme from Beverly Hills Cop repeatedly on his guitar I can’t block it out because I still have to listen to the kids screams, in case they are the ‘bad’ screams.

Even my bath the other night was interupted by small person falling out the bed.

Oh @Blackbear19, the Universe is properly against you isn't it? @MrsKoala, I totally get having to listen for the bad screams / door / dog being stuck anyway in case DH can't deal with it for any reason (client call / stuck on the phone doing tech support for FIL / watching an interesting film 🤬).

@NatalieLollipop - no shed! 😭 and the garage is where the ice creams and the exercise equipment are, so there's usually a teenager in there!

We’re not going back to work until at least September and sounds like our children won’t be going back until then too (not priority years). At least 3 more months of all being stuck together and passive aggressive comments from DH whenever I try and sneak a few mins to myself - I refused to let him and the children come running with me, I don’t need an audience and want some space on my own “oh but I thought this might be a nice family opportunity”. And I hate the fact one of us has to work in kitchen - I hate him disturbing me when I’m working in there and I hate him glaring at me if I dare go in there when’re working in there.

I'm finding it exhausting. Im working long hours in a hospital at the moment and DP is furloughed with pay topped up by his employers to full. When I get home or have days off I just want to be alone but for DP it is socialising time as he has been alone all day.

It's getting very tedious and he's not even attempting to socialise e.g. zoom calls, phone calls etc with people outside of the house.

What's for lunch?
What's for dinner?
What's for lunch?
What's for dinner?

...... and repeat.

I’m heartily sick of planning, buying and preparing what every fucker in the house will be eating for EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL

It’s EXHAUSTING.

I haven't had a non-virtual or socially distant conversation or any physical contact for 64 days, want to swap ??

I get it, I'm an introvert who needs my alone time to recharge but this is getting a bit much even for me.

I was saying the other day I felt bad for a friend who is an extreme extrovert and is on her own through this, talked to her on the phone and she said 'god I feel so bad for you, you must be ready to kill for some peace'

I'm suffering badly with this. Two children, alone with them. Their mental health seems ok, mine is me feeling like I could fall to the floor any minute because their isn't enough of 'me' left to hold myself up. Immense suffering.

I feel exactly the same. On my own with 2 children, one of which is a very demanding, bad tempered 3 year old. She touches me constantly and follows me around the house. Trails food around the house, if she's not following me while I'm cleaning a room she destroys the other rooms.

She's also started waking at night after being an excellent sleeper since she was a baby which is just the icing on the cake as I look forward to the few hours of peace at night once she's in bed. She is making my older child miserable because of her tantrums and I dread having to go out for shopping because she screams in the car.

I had a really bad couple of days over the weekend and cried constantly. She's actually not been too bad today compared to usual but there are days where I am fantasizing about a child free couple of days.

I’m heartily sick of planning, buying and preparing what every fucker in the house will be eating for EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL

That's exactly it, @Sexnotgender, it's the additional household drudgery that's getting me down! Not just meals, constant washing up, cleaning, tidying, plus wfh.

DH has inconveniently broken his arm and badly bruised the other (I'm sympathetic, but it was a really daft accident that caused it) so I also have to shower/dress him and bring him everything. He seems to be enjoying having a personal servant.

*I’m heartily sick of planning, buying and preparing what every fucker in the house will be eating for EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL

It’s EXHAUSTING.*

A million times this. As well as me and DH, there's all DM's food (I'm her carer). I am so bloody sick of thinking about meals, shopping for food, preparing food and making highly complicated shopping lists that allow for at least 25% of what I want not being available. I'm genuinely struggling to eat some days - food's lost all it's appeal. I need restaurants!!!!

I’m very grateful to have teens who sort their own breakfast and lunch. I cook most evenings and it’s nice to come together.Feeling quite bored now. Everything is organised, spring cleaned. Work tomorrow on school rota for a bit of relief from my house!

I need restaurants!!!!

Totally. I had a big snotty cry the other week because I wanted nice food that wasn’t cooked by me.

YANBU. Love my husband and child but need to be alone in the house every now and then. In normal times when a day off work is midweek and coincides with my husband’s one day a week in the office it’s bliss.

But Sod’s law being what it is half of those days are ruined by his medical condition preventing him from leaving the house or our daughter having another migraine and not going to school.

I was so looking forward to them going to stay with family for half term next week 😭😭

"My mum worked 4 days a week all her working life and when my dad retired she was really pissed off he was interrupting her quiet day"

Reading this has truly made me fear for the day my DH retires! I really need proper time on my own. There are days when he's around on my days off and he'll reassure me that he'll be busy in the garden or something but it's still not the same because he's in and out of the house telling me how he's getting on, or knocking on the window asking for a cuppa. If pisses me off.

I refused to let him and the children come running with me, I don’t need an audience and want some space on my own “oh but I thought this might be a nice family opportunity”.

I hope you stuck to your guns!

OP, I totally feel you. I love my family, I really do, but there are 4 of us (adults) cooped up in a tiny house (1 small sitting room, nowhere else to sit) and honestly? Some days I could just cry. There is no escape, and at the moment nothing to look forward to. I'm silently desperate, whatever that makes me.

I'm with you. I'm at home all day with my sons (3&5) and the lack of peace, personal space and their constant need for attention. The 3 year old is struggling with lockdown and very clingy. It's can't wee or get a glass of water without being followed or whined at.

I’m the same. ‘They’ find me everywhere. I can’t remember the last time I was on my own. I’ve taken to hiding in the shed.

It all sounds hellish. I wonder how many relationships won’t survive lockdown?

I'm used to the school day to myself. 10 weeks now I've had DH home full time. It's 7 weeks since he walked to Screwfix giving a two hour break from the house. He's barely leaving the house due to his bastarding hayfever which is at its peak. Meanwhile I have a 7 and 9yo (admittedly this could be far, far worse and thank the Gods there isn't a bastarding toddler in the house) but there are still plenty of moments like earlier this week when Minecraft and real life clash, and DS1 clawed DS2's skin off because DS2 had virtually pushed hin into some lava.

I need some space. DH has comandeered the spare bedroom as his office, and I just float around the gaps. We bought a TV for our room days prior to anticipated lockdown and DS2 tends to escape into there when he's fed up of DS1 obsessivelybwatching the Smithsonian Channel's documentaries about the Cold War or hours of Minecraft youtubers.

I really feel like I'm existing, floating around the periphery of my home, functional only for tempestuous attempts at inflicting an education on my darling offspring, and feeding the ravenous sods. I can not be arsed to clean. I'm not houseproud anyway, but there's no space to bang out some tunes and find my drive and plough on with it, because it will be undone within minutes.

I miss having Popmaster blaring out in stereo across the radios in the house ( DH constantly on work phonecalls and DS1 has sensory issues). I'm done on people noise and don't have the energy to please myself, and try to be quiet but have the constant roar of my tinnitus.

I've really hit the wall this week.