DS (3) won't leave the house and I don't know what to do

[IncyWincyTincy]

That's it really, lockdown seems to have permanently altered him and he just won't leave the fucking house. It's definitely not through fear of the virus because we haven't spoken to him about it.

DH is at work and I'm stuck in the house with 3 children, one of home is desperate to go out but I can't physically get DS to go out the front door. All his friends are having lovely walks in the countryside burning off energy and I can't get him to even get off the sofa. I've banned all TV which has been painful because with a newborn and an older child to home school I needed something to distract him. But it's still not working 😭.

I don't know what to do, when schools go back how am I supposed to do the school run with a child that I can't get dressed let alone out the front door. I need his nursery to reopen I think to get some semblance of normality back.

At this point I'd take our chances with a virus with a very small chance of lasting health implications for us over more isolation that will definitely end badly for me and him. I can't cope anymore.

Does anyone have any experience with this, how can I get him to want to go out?!

Is there a special task you could do, such as making a card for someone, then walking to the postbox to post it to them? It might change the focus and give you the opportunity to start with something small (providing the nearest postbox isn't a huge walk away!). If needed, see if someone else could send something to him first, so that he could understand and make something to send back. It could be anything that's causing it, from just being a stage he's at, to picking up on the anxiety around and things being different to normal, right down to a reaction to having to share you with a newborn. If he continues to struggle, maybe write a little 'now, next and then' set of diagrams, to help him just see it's part of the day - you are doing this (whatever it is now), then you are going for a walk to see how many flowers he can find (or whatever your focus is at that point), then when you get back there will be... (something of his choice). He can cross them off when each part is done. Anyway, I hope it improves for you, soon.

Does no one bother reading entire threads?

@OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe - that's another good reason for MN adding an edit button - to update the original post and explain when things are sorted, rather than people having to scroll through 100 messages.

My son would resist going outdoors when he was about two years old.
Turns out he needed glasses.

Hi @IncyWincyTincy
I'm not going to jump on the 'just pick him up' bandwagon, nor am I going to make any assumptions as to what could be wrong with you DC- only you know if he is anxious or just a typical 3 year old!
I do have a couple of suggestions though:

1. Does your nursery have a double buggy they could lend you if you explained what's happening at home?
2. Would your DH be willing, if time allows after he's got home from work, to go/take you and the kids for a drive? Or you take you and the kids off in the car once he's got home if you drive? It could be a great starting point.
3. You could start off small- just to the end of the front garden if you have one, or x amount of houses up/a certain streetlamp etc, or an x amount of time? You'd have to get creative with a smallish clock or watch and stickers.

Good luck, and hope something works for you all. If all else fails, speak to your health visitor x

I'll be honest @IncyWincyTincy I gave up reading after the million 'PICK HIM UP' replies, but just scrolled through to find all your updates. Well done to you both, I'm glad you got out of the house

Are you sure he hasn't heard the "Stay at home, save lives" bit from the telly and isn't just plain scared?

My incredibly confident sociable 3 year old has become very timid shy and withdrawn and doesn't like our outings (for exercise) at all. It's really upsetting to see. I know it's for a good reason but it is harder on them than we realise

Would a visual timetable work for him that you put together by discussion?

For example non negotiables. 3 meals, washing, getting dressed and bedtime!

The will be doing - eg going for a walk, supermarket, errands etc

Choices - garden, tv, tablet.

Have photos and put the non negotiables on when they'll happen. Add in anything that must happen at a certain time with "we have to x here because"

Then ask him "shall we do our walk here or here" limited choice as obviously it has to work but some control.

Followed by "when we've done our walk you can chose a reward. What would you like" "xxxxx". "Good choice, after our walk you can have the tablet"

Absolutely agree with you about instilling he has to do things because ..... and no not everything will be what you choose rather than teaching force for compliance. Force is for safety - eg. Sitting in the road!

I can sympathise OP my six year old has always been like this, he'll no longer lie on the pavement in protest but he'll certainly grumble if he doesn't want to go out and will moan the whole time we are out. Only thing that works during lockdown is getting him to pack a little bag with a drink and snack, he loves his scooter but some days he wont go out, he doesn't see the point of going if we are not going anywhere...I understand a bit but it can be really frustrating, I feel trapped because I enjoy just walking as does my daughter.

Excellent updates, OP.

Don't forget to come back when the same posters are all over a 'so upset because I saw a toddler screaming and shouting because they were far too big to be in a buggy' thread.

The idea of slinging a newborn and having an angry-flailing-shouting toddler in a back carrier as well as an older child is beyond dangerous. But it's always nice to see slings being the answer to everything on mumsnet 🙄