DS (3) won't leave the house and I don't know what to do

[IncyWincyTincy]

That's it really, lockdown seems to have permanently altered him and he just won't leave the fucking house. It's definitely not through fear of the virus because we haven't spoken to him about it.

DH is at work and I'm stuck in the house with 3 children, one of home is desperate to go out but I can't physically get DS to go out the front door. All his friends are having lovely walks in the countryside burning off energy and I can't get him to even get off the sofa. I've banned all TV which has been painful because with a newborn and an older child to home school I needed something to distract him. But it's still not working 😭.

I don't know what to do, when schools go back how am I supposed to do the school run with a child that I can't get dressed let alone out the front door. I need his nursery to reopen I think to get some semblance of normality back.

At this point I'd take our chances with a virus with a very small chance of lasting health implications for us over more isolation that will definitely end badly for me and him. I can't cope anymore.

Does anyone have any experience with this, how can I get him to want to go out?!

Perhaps try a scavenger hunt. I draw a few things like a car, flower, tree on a piece of paper for my 3 year old twins. They love finding the items and trying to tick them off. Might make it more fun and less of a chore.

They also love finding and carrying a stick. Our walks are more pottering about and it takes us ages to get anywhere. Not sure if you've got a garden but watering the plants keeps them occupied too, especially as their watering cans are quite small

Yep, as other posters have said, you pick him up and leave the house.

I'm not sure what a community nurse would do, as a pp has suggested. The NHS seems to be seen as a panacea for every life problem these days, no wonder it is so overused and under-resourced.

get your DH to take him out at the weekend and then try taking him out again on the Monday. It could be a newborn protest tbf...a phase, it will pass. Congrats on the newborn

Honestly OP I think you are in a rut with the toddler saying know. You will need to put in 3 or 4 hard days (your DH must help) to teach him he does not get a choice. You have to follow through on anything you ask him to do- it HAS to happen. So pick your battles and focus on the stuff you are absolutely sure you want done. E.g. getting dressed & going out.

He's 3. Pick him up.. lock the front door and carry on with your day

Just popped by to say that you’re not alone. It’s not my 3yo, it’s my 5yo. He’s just not very interested in leaving the house and will actively resist if I try and make him. We do go out, but some days I just let him play in the garden instead. In his case I think it is anxiety related to the coronavirus, but it’s not as simple as just making him.

Why is a 3 year old in control.....

Why don't you RTFT! before sticking your oar in?

@mel71

15 year old DS. We're making it a "have to" with no video games in the evening if he doesn't comply. But he's not usually happy about it.
I'm paying him bits for doing more physical chores, like yard maintenance, thoroughly detailing my car, etc.

But I feel your pain - and lots of my friends are in the same boat. And I'm running out of projects!

In our house. My kids hate tidying up. The. They hated stopping watching the tv.

You know your own child. Ours works well on. Right. Time to tidy the room. Let's see who gets the most points. 1 point per item and. Go!

And the. For dinner. It's whoever gets here quickest gets to pick dessert.

You'll work a way around it

However. Something has set this off. Which will be the tricker question. Even if you don't talk about it. Corona is everywhere. Children pick up on EVERYTHING! Not kidding. There's not much you can't pass by a child. If you and your dh are stressing. He will pick up on that. Also new baby. There's quite a few big things in his life that have recently happened.

You need to find that game. Try. Right. We're going out for a walk. (Always prepare then. So they can change gears so to speak). In ten mins. Then as it gets closer. Right. I've got an idea. Let's see who can get their shoes on quickest. Etc.

There must be something. But at that age the beauty is it can easily be gotten around.

Like others say. Distraction is w powerful tool. Make it his walk. So he's important. He makes the choices. (As in. Let's go left. Let's go right. If that's feasible).

I don't think picking him up and dragging him. Purely because of how suddenly this has come out of the blue.

From reading more of the post

It sounds like there's a lot of anxieties in your house right now. Corona. New baby. Sickness. Car dying etc

I can almost guarantee he's picking up on the stress

@DominaShantotto

Oh my kids love operation ouch!! It's really good actually. Very good educational programme

I don’t really have any advice, but I sympathise. My two-year-old will happily leave the house to go for a walk, but she really, really doesn’t want to get in the car. I don’t know why. She was never like this before lockdown.

Even if we’re going somewhere she really likes, she screams blue murder and fights against being strapped in her seat. I can’t always force her as she’s surprisingly strong. She flails around, arches her back and keeps sliding out of her seat onto the floor. I’ve tried listening to her and reasoning with her, but I haven’t got to the bottom of this new aversion.

It’s not always as simple as “You’re the adult. Just take them”.

@IncyWincyTincy how was he when you were outside?

@damnyankee he doesn't play video games anymore! He plays guitar though - practices Guns & Roses all day - tortured (translucent) soul that he is! He is loving lockdown - loves his own company! I am a bit concerned he will struggle with normality again. 😬

My friend had trouble with her son at that age, so got him a little tykes camera, that he was only allowed to use outside.
She could download the images and show him them on the TV with a chrome cast, her son now take pictures everyday, and he is dressed and shoes on shouting hurry up mummy.

practices Guns & Roses all day - tortured (translucent) soul that he is!

All day? You must be the tortured soul here! Poor thing!

My daughter is doing the same thing (just turned 4). I time walks with her snack time and say she’s only allowed a snack if she goes for a walk. I agree, picking up a tantruming 3 yr old doesn’t sound productive!!

Have you tried a buggy board that he can stand on ?

He is 3, you are the adult... Get him out the door & grow a pair!

I have a dd aged 8 who will not leave the house. She was an anxious child before lockdown but would always go out and about. I ask her everyday to come for a walk with me, but she always says no. It’s not worth the battle so I’ve left it for now. I have to wait for my dh to be around to go out. No advice, but you’re not alone.

3 year olds can be utter shits, can't they op? So pleased you managed to get out for a walk and feel better for it.

Fwiw some days I just don't have the patience or the fortitude to deal effectively with my 3yo dd. It would end in physical harm to just pick her up and try to force her to do anything when she's being particularly stubborn. Literally nothing works when she's like that and the whole neighbourhood would think she was being abused the fuss she kicks up. And then I'd spend an hour calming her down. It's so draining with so much else going on in life right now.

On a practical note, before she gets to the screaming blue murder stage, she can sometimes be bribed with food or a treat of some kind.

Seriously. Just go into your back garden. Why the need to endanger your and your children’s life’s by going out and risking a deadly virus?!

Oh my word.....loving the top parenting tips “ YOU ARE THE BOSS “ “ JUST PICK HIM UP AND LOCK THE DOOR THEY WILL SOON FOLLOW “ blah blah blah!!! clearly the people saying this have never had to deal with a 7 week old baby and a heavy 3yo!! And let’s be honest, if that was your neighbour doing that I’m sure someone would be on here starting a thread about how they are concerned for the child should they contact SS???? The world has gone mad!! What happened to #bekind???? Yeah that didn’t last very long did it?!

I’ve RTFT op and just wanted to say I’m glad you got out even for just a while. You are doing your best and don’t let anyone make you feel any different. Tomorrow’s a new day OP take it a day at a time

Why can't people RTFT before posting their unhelpful comments?! FFS, it's getting tiresome. Readers, you can change your settings so the OP's posts show in a different colour = quick SQUIZZ = daah dddahh UPDATES. If you learn 1 thing today then make it that!!