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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being ignored by school mum

107 replies

Nicedayforawedding · 17/05/2020 08:23

My ds has a best friend at school, they are very close and in year 1.Before lockdown I was friends with his mum and was often picking up and dropping off her ds, taken them out for the day everything was great.

Since lockdown I’ve messaged her and had no reply despite her reading the messages. After the first two I’ve stopped bothering but she has been on FB liking things on the school FB page (which is weird because she’d previously slagged some of these people off to me!). We are all on the same group so difficult not to notice!

I’d asked in my message if my ds could chat to her ds. my ds really misses him.

AIBU in feeling pissed off ive not heard from her in two months?

OP posts:
HotDogGuy · 17/05/2020 08:26

It’s possible that she was friendly with you as you were helpful - picking up and dropping off her son. In lockdown she doesn’t need you.
Or when she read your messages didn’t have the head space to return the message and has forgotten. It is strange times at the moment and my brain isn’t functioning at 100% and I’ve forgotten to return messages. I usually do remember within a couple of days though

Maybelatte · 17/05/2020 08:28

You sound rather invested and also a little bit paranoid. You shouldn’t get so worked up about small things like this, don’t sweat the small stuff so to speak.

RonObvious · 17/05/2020 08:35

You sound rather invested and also a little bit paranoid. You shouldn’t get so worked up about small things like this, don’t sweat the small stuff so to speak.

Really? Her son is missing his best friend, and she is trying to enable contact with him. My son (also Yr 1) is desperately missing his best friend, and being able to video chat has really helped. I can completely understand why the OPis frustrated.

It's strange times though, some people are really struggling, and it can be hard to judge whether you are being ignored, or whether someone is completely overwhelmed. It's an awful situation for you (and your son), but I would try not to take it personally. She could be ignoring you, but she could also just be completely swamped right now.

Dieu · 17/05/2020 08:37

It's rude, pure and simple. YANBU.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 17/05/2020 08:45

It’s a friendship of the situation, when you’re back at school I’m sure you’ll be friends again but don’t give the friendship more worth than it has, she’s probably just speaking to who she considers her real friends atm. Everyone has situations like this? Work mate you only speak to at work and so on? Sometimes it becomes real friendship and sometimes it doesn’t. No harm not foul.

TangleTeether · 17/05/2020 08:48

Yabu.
You don't know whats going on in their lives. Your op sounds like you feel she owes you but she really doesn't maybe her son doesn't want to talk over video call or maybe he doesn't want to talk to your son. That's life. It's a little puerile to come to MN and complain about being ignored.

Monty27 · 17/05/2020 08:51

OP is trying to maintain the DC's friendship. Quit the stick guys Shock

Truthpact · 17/05/2020 08:53

Well if you were taking her son to school and picking him up, you'll know why she is friends with you if she suddenly remembers you when school starts.

Original poster
Nicedayforawedding · 17/05/2020 08:59

I sometimes don’t reply to messages for a few days but I wouldn’t ignore a message for two months, I would feel it was rude. She has been on FB replying to posts and liking things so i think this is why it upset me.

OP posts:
Windmillsinsummer · 17/05/2020 09:00

She could be struggling with lockdown herself. Maybe she is having mh issues that many are and just doesn't have it in her to talk to someone. I understand your son is missing his friend but lots of people are not coping the best right now.

Deathraystare · 17/05/2020 09:09

It’s possible that she was friendly with you as you were helpful - picking up and dropping off her son. In lockdown she doesn’t need you.

Something to remember after lockdown!

VettiyaIruken · 17/05/2020 09:12

I agree with pp that it is very possible you are no longer useful so you no longer matter

AlwaysCheddar · 17/05/2020 09:14

I think she was being nice as she was using you to help her. I’d step back and wait for school to open. It isn’t nice though, it hurts when you realise people do this

Cam2020 · 17/05/2020 09:15

It sounds rude to me and I would be irritated and suspicious of the visible activity on SM. You don't really know what's going on though, maybe she's having a hard time and doesn't want a proper conversation with people who know her. Messages on FB can be quite anonymous whilst perhaps maintaining a facade. Who knows? I'd definitely be suspicious that she's not that interested now that you're not of any use to her.

What's with all the responses making out the OP is some sort of jealous stalker? I think I'd 'owe' my friend a reply out of common courtesy if nothing else! I really don't think it's too much to ask or being over-invested. Let's see whether this friend thinks the OP 'owes' her favours in pick ups etc. when school is, back!

CaveMum · 17/05/2020 09:15

Similar happened to me with my DD’s best friend when they left nursery. They’d been best friends pretty much since they were about 18 months old and stayed together at nursery until they left for primary school. I’d always been on what I thought were good terms with the mum, we chatted at pick up, we had play dates at each other’s houses and met up for walks at the local NT property occasionally.

They finished nursery at the end of August 2018 and we agreed to keep in touch so the girls could meet up. But I heard nothing from the mum. I sent a few breezy texts over the next month or so, things like “hope x is settling in ok at school” but nothing in response. I decided to leave it and then in October bumped into them at a mutual friend’s birthday party. The girls were ecstatic to see each other and the mum was perfectly nice. I didn’t mention the messages and we parted with more “let’s meet up” from the mum.

I sent her a message a few days later saying “shall we meet up over half term” and again got nothing in return. At that point I wrote it off.

I’m sad for DD that she didn’t get the chance to see a bit more of her friend. I’m sure that the friendship would have fizzled out as they made new friends at school, but I’d rather it had happened naturally than have it enforced upon them. DD still mentions her friend every now and then and asks when she can see her, so I just tell her the truth - that I’ve sent messages to her mummy but she hadn’t replied.

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2020 09:15

Message her again asking if the kids could video call and if she ignores you then you have your answer, I don't buy the she might have this or that going on it takes 2 minutes to reply to a message about the same time as it takes to scroll through fb "liking" stuff.

JumpingAtJackdaws · 17/05/2020 09:17

The majority of school gate friendships are just that, they end at the school gate. Now you know where you stand with this woman I hope you reassess this one sided 'friendship' and take a step back in future. My DC are adults now, but I had my share of school mums who were nice as pie while I was useful to them so I know how you feel.
Perhaps message her again to see if she ignores you again. There is the slim chance that she just forgot.

lilgreen · 17/05/2020 09:21

She’s rude op.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2020 09:23

Nasty woman. You were useful to her and now you are not. Do you have the contact details of any other children’s parents? At this young age, it is easier to help mould friendships.

Dds absolute bestie’s mother decided she didn’t want my dd to be friends with her dd anymore. It was a very lonely time for dd and it affected her mental health greatly. I found friends to hang out with for dd. What I’ve learnt as dd gets older is that easier if your dc hangs out with children of easy going, like minded parents.

LouiseTrees · 17/05/2020 09:24

Maybe her phone has been damaged if it’s texts you sent. Send her a Facebook PM.

ECBC · 17/05/2020 09:24

I found this a lot with Mum friends after my son was born. So difficult to make Mum friends and so difficult to keep Mum friends. I’ve learned to be a bit thicker skin but it still really annoys me how much effort I put in and how little some people responded.

GrandAltogetherSo · 17/05/2020 09:25

The mum doesn’t need you at the moment so you’ve been dropped. You can be sure she’ll get in touch when she wants something from you.

ohlookthisisjustdaftnow · 17/05/2020 09:25

It's sheer rudeness, and she's being a bit of a cow. At the moment you are of no use to her, so she can't see the point in bothering with you.

FortunesFave · 17/05/2020 09:29

Brush it off OP. Some people are just weird. When school begins again, be friendly but definitely start inviting other children over to play.

You don't want to get in a position where your DS only has one friend. Not if his Mother's like that.

stairgates · 17/05/2020 09:32

I agree that she might just be overwhelmed, my phone is being passed around the kids until the charge runs out and then lost for half a day so Im useless at replying to things atm. Is the other lad an only child?