Being ignored by school mum

[Nicedayforawedding]

My ds has a best friend at school, they are very close and in year 1.Before lockdown I was friends with his mum and was often picking up and dropping off her ds, taken them out for the day everything was great.

Since lockdown I’ve messaged her and had no reply despite her reading the messages. After the first two I’ve stopped bothering but she has been on FB liking things on the school FB page (which is weird because she’d previously slagged some of these people off to me!). We are all on the same group so difficult not to notice!

I’d asked in my message if my ds could chat to her ds. my ds really misses him.

AIBU in feeling pissed off ive not heard from her in two months?

[Quartz2208]

So you just sent two messages and that is it? How recently was the asking to chat

Lockdown is a funny one with these things

[chunkyriverfish]

It’s possible that she was friendly with you as you were helpful - picking up and dropping off her son. In lockdown she doesn’t need you.

This, and only this, nice as pie when you are running around after her. Remember this went school goes back. They can be friends in school but do not go out of your way to help her out with pick ups or drop offs.

[ElsieMc]

I was always careful of school mum friendships because it is always a friendship of situation. I found too that the cliques that appeared in the playground would often lead to fall outs at a later date. I was polite and friendly but kept people at arm's length. You don't have to be best friends because your child has a play date do you? I tell you this through long experience as I am now a grandparent carer so I have done this four times. If people wanted to talk to me, then fine but you soon work out the gossips and users.

I think you have been used op and while you are no longer useful, she is no longer interested. Don't text any more. Don't even think about her. I know you are worried for your child, but your ds will make other friends as well as her ds. She is rude and horrible and do not let anyone on here tell you otherwise. You have a right to feel hurt by this but if you continue pursuing her, then you will only end up feeling worse about yourself.

Whilst these are strange times, they are strange for you as well not just this woman who has dropped you when you are not helping her out

[Milicentbystander72]

I agree to brush it off.

My ds is older (13) but he's been very reluctant to engage in video chat that I suggest for him. He's done the odd but if chatting with friends through minecraft and we had a socially distant chat with a friend who brought around some birthday cake....but he would never have done it if it had been just a casual video chat. He finds those things kind hard.

Also, I normally WFH and have done for over 25 years. Personally I'm finding this lockdown quite overwhelming. All my normal work routines are off-kilter. Everyone's in my space. All my clients are at home to rather than in an office and seem to want more contact from me.

I haven't been in contact with a really close friend of mine since lockdown began. I just don't have the energy to message yet someone else.

I'm trying to say that you gave no idea what's going on with her. Liking a few posts on SM is way
easier than sending individual messages and arranging virtual play dates.

[AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore]

Amazing how many people are leaping to the idea that she was just using you, rather than the other options that for whatever reason, covid might mean she's got other stuff going on that has taken centre stage- like many of us! When did you message her OP - you mention leaving things for 2 months? I missed a few messages in early lockdown as everything was just a bit chaotic, my headspace was so limited, I was organising work pivots/care for my elderly mum/sorting homeschool/etc etc and I had SO many messages coming in across so many platforms. Equally other friends have disappeared at stages when their parents contracted covid/their work commitments suddenly shifted etc. So if it was a while ago it's worth a third message maybe? Just saying you hope she's OK, and that your ds is missing hers. No reply, and I'd make a mental note to step back, but I think three chances isn't too much to ask at the moment.

[Mrsjayy]

Brushing it off is good advice, you can decide how you want to play it when the kids are back at school the boys can be friends in school you don't really need to be friends with her if you don't want.

[lilgreen]

No excuse really to ignore a text but surf Facebook.

[tamsintamsout]

Have you asked how she is or just for the kids to video chat? Do you have any idea what’s going on in her life?

I think YABU and shouldn’t assume she is using you. Just be kind and assume the best.

[Beautiful3]

2 months!! Wow that's just rude. She is obviously was using you. She doesnt need you at the moment so doesnt want to talk to you. I would remember this and never offer to take her child to school again.

[Settle59]

To be honest OP I myself would find this upsetting but I'd wait now for her to make the first move.

[LEELULUMPKIN]

@Windmillsinsummer Well said. You just summed me up in your post. There is no malice whatsoever intended in my failure to respond to messages, I'm just really struggling to engage with other people at the moment, and that is sooooo not me.

Thank you for your post.

[Nicedayforawedding]

The other parents don’t have her number so I was asked to forward some information from school to her (learning resources) which I did by text a few months ago. I had no response from her so had then messaged on FB and I had no reply the first time and I messaged a few weeks later which again no reply but both messages were seen.

I’d assume she was busy or perhaps struggling but seeing the posts on FB and her liking and loving posts on the school group has upset me. I’ve been there for her son, picking him up sometimes when he’d come out of school crying and hugged, cared for him as all would in this situation but I find it hard to understand why she’d not bother to respond to a simple request of them chatting.

I’d be happy with ‘sorry things are really busy...’ but no reply at all is what upsets me.

Thanks to everyone offering advice x

[lilgreen]

Try phoning her to check she’s ok as she hasn’t replied.I don’t know why people think you won’t notice if they don’t reply.

[Serin]

She is really very rude and has shown her true colours. Unless she comes up with a reasonable explanation when you next meet, I would be distancing myself a little.

[lovepickledlimes]

Are you sure the school had the right number? could it possibly be someone else getting the messages? maybe sent her a message on fb checking how things are etc. It is possible she thinks she has replied and forgot she has not. I have certainly been guilty of that

[Candyfloss99]

You don't have a friendship with her, your sons are friends, not you and her.

[monkeymonkey2010]

she's using you and bothering with you only when you're useful to her - realise that already.
If lockdown hadn't happened, i bet she would have sent her ds over to yours for 'playdates....which actually means using you for free childcare.

She isn't interested in how your child feels and she isn't interested in anything you've got to say.
She can't even be arsed to treat you with basic respect or courtesy or even send a one word reply.

Don't run round after her like you're desperate.

[PinkiOcelot]

It sounds rude to me. It takes all of 2 minutes to reply to a message.
Just step back OP. No more helping her out etc. She’s shown her true colours.

[formerbabe]

Could be any reason...

Maybe she's a user

Maybe she's really struggling right now

Maybe her DC doesn't want to do a video call and she doesn't know how to say that

Maybe her phone is broken

Whatever it is, don't give it much headspace and tell your DC that you're not sure if the other mums phone is working.

[tamsintamsout]

So many assumptions on here.

Liking posts is easy to do, interacting more may not be for any number of reasons.

[Velvian]

Is it Facebook messenger? I quite often don't see that I've had a message on there. Do you have her on WhatsApp? You could repeat the message there.

[Cyllie33]

It is rude. Yes, if she’s got something dreadful going on then perhaps she couldn’t reply, but otherwise tbh it would take seconds to reply - ‘sorry we don’t have time at the moment - hope you’re well’ or similar. I think people should be more mindful of others, especially at the moment when people are struggling and contact is difficult

[lovepickledlimes]

Could she be wanting to avoid talking about the situation? it's easier to like a post on fb then to think of how to respond how they feel etc. I really hate talking as it usually quickly turns to asking how my mum is doing being on her own, how it's such a shame about the wedding etc. It just can be easier to not talk to people etc

[SeasonFinale]

Clicking like on FB is not engaging the same way answering messages are. I am mystified why you need to send messages with school resources as I am sure the school would have her contact details.

The fact that after 2 messages you are posting suggests perhaps you come across as a bit needy which she may not have time for at the moment.

I dont mean to sound harsh but you are not her friend but another school mum. She may be working from home and homeschooling and not even have time to message her own family and friends.

As regards your kids being friends sometimes it is very much the case where one child thinks A Is his friend but A doesn't consider them their friend because they are friends with B especially at that young an age.

I think you a reading too much into the situation as you are at home and having no face to face contact her whereas if you were you would see she would be treating you the same as she usually does.

[lovepickledlimes]

@Cyllie33 she could have been busy and thought I will reply in an hour properly and then forgot she never sent that text. She could have been mid text been interrupted thought she hit send but had not etc