Being ignored by school mum

[Nicedayforawedding]

My ds has a best friend at school, they are very close and in year 1.Before lockdown I was friends with his mum and was often picking up and dropping off her ds, taken them out for the day everything was great.

Since lockdown I’ve messaged her and had no reply despite her reading the messages. After the first two I’ve stopped bothering but she has been on FB liking things on the school FB page (which is weird because she’d previously slagged some of these people off to me!). We are all on the same group so difficult not to notice!

I’d asked in my message if my ds could chat to her ds. my ds really misses him.

AIBU in feeling pissed off ive not heard from her in two months?

[boredtotears11]

I don’t understand people who ignore messages. It’s something I just couldn’t do. It’s the equivalent of snubbing someone on the street that you know. So rude.

[Alymcnabs]

Does your DS have another friend he’d like to chat with OP?

[PumpkinP]

I don’t agree with the other ops even if she did forget to reply or whatever she hasn’t actually messaged you at all in this time so why should you keep contacting her, she hasn’t initiated any contact herself so I would leave it. It’s obviously a friendship that is based around school and that’s it.

[Nicedayforawedding]

Yes i am just going to leave it, she doesn’t work and is home all day.

I’m working f/t from home and home schooling but still reply to messages. There are other friends in ds class so I’ve contacted them and had replies.

The other boy is his bestie though, I won’t be sending any more messages or contacting his mum any more. I do feel used, a simple ‘I’m busy, sorry..’ would be fine with me but clearly I don’t even deserve that.

[Goldenbear]

I think she should reply but I agree with some others that there could be a whole host of reasons. I have had this with my DD's friend's Mum and had to explain to her that DD doesn't like facetiming, she didn't really accept that. Equally, if she is working from home and is being contacted all day via the phone and then has to contact family, her friends etc you run out of time or you just want to forget about communication via a device! I do think she should acknowledge you though.

[Goldenbear]

I see she isn't working- sounds like she is a bit of a user. I have explained to my DD (8) that she it is a kind thing to do so she has engaged sometimes but she doesn't really know what to say and the other girl just wants to show her gymnastic moves for an hour or actually watch a film with her via facetime which DD thinks is a massive waste of time.

[Cyllie33]

@lovepickledlimes yes, she could. And as I said, I think that’s rude, especially at a time when a lot of people need support.

[TheMagiciansMewTwo]

This may be nothing to do with the friendship and everything to do with you putting yourself in the middle of her getting resources. She chose not to give other parents her number. The school will have her details if they need to contact her. Perhaps she was deliberately avoiding the resources/information/work and she's annoyed that you sent it on to her.

[emilybrontescorsett]

I think it's also a case of her not needing you now.
Perhaps when your d's is back at school he will rekindle his friendship, until then there isn't much you can do.

[Nicedayforawedding]

I didn’t give her number to anyone though. I forwarded the resources because I was asked to and if I hadn’t she might have been annoyed no one sent them on to her.

I think I will just keep my distance from now on and when school starts up again I’m sure ds and his friend will be ok. I’ve learned maybe that I should just not bother, clearly she doesn’t want me to contact her anymore.

[howsicklyarsekissy]

Maybe she is just a bitch!

[stairgates]

Just wondering still does she have other children at home or is it just her and her DS? If she has a 4 month old an 7 yr old twins plus a elderly grandparent shielding with them plus an abusive husband who checks all her messages and criticises all her and DS's acquaintances then its different.

[Nicedayforawedding]

She’s only got her ds, in the past she said he spends all day on his iPad so he has the ability to receive a message from my ds.

She is also married and as far as I know all is ok.I think she just doesn’t want to be bothered with me or my ds and I have to accept it and move on.

[stairgates]

Well that rules that out :)

I would maybe give one last phone call, not message, (I'm better at answering phone calls) and ask if her DS is about for a quick chat with your DS and if the phone isnt answered then agree it may well be a snub, and to bare it in mind the next time you are asked for favors.

[Keepitup]

Will you continue to pick up and drop off her son after lockdown, when normal service resumes?

[Nicedayforawedding]

No, I won’t be doing any more favours. Will be polite at the gate but I know where I stand with her now.

[KuckFnows]

Lesson learnt sadly op.

Things like this happen a lot and there are some unpleasant school mums out there , although not all

Move on.

[PersephoneandHades]

You absolutely have the right to be annoyed. It would be different if you hadn’t been the glue that kept the boys together before lockdown, but allowing someone to drive your kid around, arrange play dates for him, etc. and then ignoring that person when they are no longer able to do those things? That is rude, plain and simple.

People saying ‘lockdown may be affecting her’, it is affecting all of us? And people acting like this is making those effects worse for a lot of people. You can mark Facebook messages as unread if you don’t wanna hurt someone’s feelings but this woman has made no attempt to spare the OPs feelings. It is simply rude. If you are not interested in maintaining a relationship with someone then act like an adult and tell them, don’t ghost them as if they are someone you accidentally swiped right on, and don’t allow them to do you favours if you have no intention of even taking two minutes to reply to a message from them.

I agree that you shouldn’t dwell on it though OP, there is no point and I’m sure she’s just flaky and/or a user, I don’t think she’s trying to be malicious towards you.

[Nicedayforawedding]

Thanks, I think this is definitely a lesson learned for me, it is rude of her. A simple reply even if just to point out she’s busy would be ok x

[Alymcnabs]

There are other friends in ds class so I’ve contacted them and had replies

That’s good. Hopefully your DS will forge relationships with other children via FaceTime and have a new bestie to go back to school with - whenever that may be

[TheMagiciansMewTwo]

Who asked you to forward the resources to her? Because if they were from the school and essential then school should have sent them to her.

[lovepickledlimes]

@Cyllie33 it could be a genuine accident where she thought she replied to op but has not. It's not always rudeness

[YouDeserveFlowers]

Oh I know a two faced mum like this, slags people off and then puts things up on Facebook about how women should all support each other.

Maybe it's the same person?!

[user1496146479]

I totally get this!! It's rude. I've been/am in your shoes OP. I try to be more thick skinned about it, but if I'm honest it still gets me down. More so during lockdown. I've actually just looked at messages between one 'friend' and I, I always initiate first if it's a general how are you etc. Almost the only time it comes from the other side is if it's a question about school/kids activities etc.

[rawlikesushi]

I can understand why you are upset, but I think you are over-reacting.

Why assume the worst of her?

In your head, she read your messages and couldn't be bothered replying because you are unimportant to her.

Yet most of us have surely read a message at a busy time, intended to reply later and then forgot.

You have no idea what is happening in her life right now. She might not work but she could be volunteering, worried sick about her husband's job, supporting elderly parents, suffering a bereavement in her wider family or something else entirely.

I hadn't heard from a friend throughout this either, but did yesterday. It turns out her MIL died in the first week of lockdown. She has had to arrange a funeral, sort out the house and mourn without the comfort of other family.

Why is it that when we ourselves do something thoughtless, there is a good reason or explanation. When someone else does something thoughtless, they're rude bastards.

Idling away a few minutes on Facebook means nothing. Give her the benefit of the doubt.