Be brutally honest are we cruel parents or is my dm and older colleagues being ridiculous?

[Awbu]

In a nutshell me and Dh buy houses and renovate them while we live in them.
We have two dc 7 and 4.
Eldest has lived in 3 different houses, ds 2. This has meant we’ve be able to increase money in house from 15k to over 100k and move dc to a much better catchment school in last year.
Obviously it has been disruptive for the dc slightly we had to stay with family for 4 weeks during last renovation as walls knocked down etc.
We are hoping to do another one before we can buy our forever home (hate that term but a home we would stay in forever).
People at office all openly criticised this idea and accused me of being a cruel mum moving them from house to house (these moves btw have been from one village to another 2 miles away). They are all women in their late 50’s/60’s who have had one family home after marriage so I can see why this doesn’t seem ideal to them.
Anyway my dm has gone batshit today after I said we’d move depending on the effects on the market within a year- and accused me of the same ‘cruel to unsettle the children’,
I don’t get this every move has been better than the last more space for dc, nicer village etc but am I being harsh on the dc?

forced = forces

I think the majority of pp are missing the fact that your DD is ASD because, whilst you put it in the thread title

No one has mentioned the ASD, because until about 10 minutes ago the title was completely different.

My DD’s have lived in 3 houses- we moved from house they were both born in to a fixer upper, then out into a rental then back to the fixed up house, so 4 moves in total. Schools stayed the same, they’re absolutely fine! Moving house is exciting to lots of kids (stressful as hell for an adult though). You know your kids best- do they deal with the moves ok? If so, do it and ignore the naysayers

No my dd isn’t asd - the title thread has been changed think mix up at mumsnet hq I have reported?

Just popping on to apologise about the random title change - it was, of course, a mistake. Too many tabs open... Sorry!

I'm not sure i'd call it a mix up. Someone from MNHQ has changed your title, and there isn't even the usual disclaimer about title changed by MN.

See the post from mumsnet then Grimm?

See the post from mumsnet then Grimm?

I was typing as they posted, obviously I hadn't seen the reply. I just found it odd, as usually they add the changed by MN in the title or post on the thread.

"I'm quite confused by people saying frequent house moves are fine because it's what military children do "

I agree. Military children also may live far away from one parent for a long time. I don't think it's supposed to be a model for ideal family life.

@Awbu I'm not sure why you posted. Yiu obviously don't want to be told this could negatively effect your children. It seems there are various examples of similar things from pp's (myself included) saying it wasn't a great experience. But then various posts from people with ko experience telling you it's fine and to go fo it. You're just going to listen to what you want to hear.

But honestly from experience it really is a selfish ting to do to your children.

I moved house 6 times before the age of 10, there were two school moves in that as well.

It’s literally had zero affect on me - in fact I’d really forgot about it until I’ve just read your thread.

I think children are more resilient than we think - but also, you know your kids, your colleagues don’t so just smile and nod politely and do what you think is best.

We've done exactly the same thing. We've moved six times in seven years and made enough money to live mortgage free. It was very lucrative for us - on average - 40k profit per house. We would have continued if it wasn't for our two dds aged 3 and 1. It did feel cruel because they didn't have a home. They would refer to wherever we were living as 'the little house', 'the big house' etc. We also felt we were taking advantage of our family members who would often give us a place to stay when our shower was out of action, or would babysit often because we needed to paint walls. There was so much to do that we were missing out on their childhood. We have decided we won't move until the girls go to highschool (and they'll be old enough to help out )

Cruel, no. Unsettling and not in their interest? Yes.
Depends how long you keep doing it for. I wouldn’t do it but at least they’re with you, some parents send young kids off to boarding school.

My ds is 2 and lived in 4 houses, I have nothing to show for it. He is fine wish I could be in your position! I’ve lived in 15 places and my mum 37. Almost nomads I guess.

I can’t think of anything more tragic than deciding ‘this is it, here I stay forever’ the second you deliver the placenta.

I wouldn't do it myself, but that's because I prefer the idea of staying in one place and being part of a community - something which seems to be out of fashion now.

However, you are certainly not being cruel and the DC will be fine, especially if you are not moving them from school to school.

I moved every 18months-4years as a child, my father was in the army. I liked moving and to this day I don't like staying in one place for too long. All children are different, some hate the change and others embrace it.

My parents did this, I lived in six houses before I was 9 and attended 3 primary schools. It didn’t bother me one bit. The only lasting effect is that I don’t really ever regard a house as “home” but their hard work paid for an amazing secondary education for me & my siblings, as well as a lovely “forever home” & I really think it was worth it.

My dh was an army child and moved lots, spending time in Germany and Gibraltar as well as various UK locations. He said it was a good childhood and he doesn't feel it had any bad effects.

No of course your not cruel! I was expecting to read this and it be about some overly harsh punishment.

Despite us both having the same jobs throughout, my kids went to 7 different childcare settings before school. Not ideal, but they coped.

You sound like my parents! We moved a lot in the same area as children but always stayed at the same school, and didn’t find it massively disrupting at the time but since 18 I have lived in the same home and will prob never move! Worst bits was not having my parents around much as they were always doing ‘jobs’ around the houses. Do think the changing schools part could be unsettling.

Thanks all food for thought.

I grew up in the forces and moved every 18 months until I was 12 or 13.

I wouldn't say it's cruel - but also it's not what I have wanted for my children, however you are staying in the same area so it's not like you are changing schools or friends every year

My ds has asd and has lived in six different houses. A couple of school moves.
He doesn’t care as long as he has his family and things. My NT dc are far more bothered by moving.