Be brutally honest are we cruel parents or is my dm and older colleagues being ridiculous?

[Awbu]

In a nutshell me and Dh buy houses and renovate them while we live in them.
We have two dc 7 and 4.
Eldest has lived in 3 different houses, ds 2. This has meant we’ve be able to increase money in house from 15k to over 100k and move dc to a much better catchment school in last year.
Obviously it has been disruptive for the dc slightly we had to stay with family for 4 weeks during last renovation as walls knocked down etc.
We are hoping to do another one before we can buy our forever home (hate that term but a home we would stay in forever).
People at office all openly criticised this idea and accused me of being a cruel mum moving them from house to house (these moves btw have been from one village to another 2 miles away). They are all women in their late 50’s/60’s who have had one family home after marriage so I can see why this doesn’t seem ideal to them.
Anyway my dm has gone batshit today after I said we’d move depending on the effects on the market within a year- and accused me of the same ‘cruel to unsettle the children’,
I don’t get this every move has been better than the last more space for dc, nicer village etc but am I being harsh on the dc?

My eldest has lived in 5 houses in 13 years, middle 3 houses in 3 years, and youngest 3 houses in almost 2 years. So I don't think it's causing them trauma. That said... We won't be moving again unless something catastrophic happens... Which is what instigated several of our moves. We're in an amazing school district and our house should meet all of our needs plus some.

I used to go to international school and there would be new people each year - some staying a few years at a time, but moving countries. I dunno whether there were problems at home, but at school the kids seemed ok.

I guess it depends on the individual child. If your kids seem fine and you are sensitive to them then I don’t necessarily see it as a problem.

By the time I was 8 I had moved house 5 times. Admittedly I didn’t change schools so friends/education wasn’t interrupted. Personally I found moving house as a kid very fun. We then got our “forever home” and I lived there til 26 when dp and I brought our own place. Now nearly 30 and my parents are looking to downsize a bit as it’s just the 2 of them living there.

If you were going to change the children’s schools I would agree with your mother but as you only intend to move within the same village I think she’s wrong.
The actual stress of moving for children is usually around leaving friends, family and familiar places but apart from the house nothing will change for them!

We moved a number of times when I was a child. Relocations to different parts of the country due to my father's job ( not forces)
I actually think it did me good in some ways. I think it made me adaptable and able to fit in anywhere plus able to make friends easily. Plus I'm told I have a unique accent and have found it easy to relocate in later life.

If you were a military family your children could possibly be moving every couple of years. When we worked in military schools it was usual to have a 50% change in a class within a year. They coped very well, you just have to make plans.

I think if you're moving house to make money , then that's great

If doing this upsets or unsettles the children, then yes, you are being self absorbed and unkind

If the children are fine with the moves, then it's a win win

No, you don’t sound cruel. Adults find it hard to keep moving, but even then it is a way of life for some. The children will be fine.

We call people who do this 'flippers' where I live. It's up to you what you do, but generally putting money before your DC's stability is frowned upon.

My SIL and her husband have done that ever since they had their kids, and took them to Australia and the US for 2 years. It doesn't seem to have done the kids any harm though.

They seem to have settled on a particular area now. They are doing their 3rd property in the same town, and this one's a newbuild, so they're not living in it yet. They always live in them for a time to avoid capital gains tax when they sell them. They are millionaires, have been for a few years, and they're not 50 yet.

They've been in the same ares/same schools for 5 years now; their eldest is about to finsh secondary, I think the youngest still has another year to go in primary.

As the children will be going to the same school, I can't see anything wrong with moving house. They will still have their friends and the same locality. You are doing what you think will be best for your family in the long term.

When our children were young we moved quite a lot, my eldest had 4 schools by the time she was 8 (husband in the RAF for 26 years) . We were then posted to a part of the UK that we loved, so bought a house in a village fairly nearby and stayed there for the next 35 years! Husband obviously had to go away a lot in this time but we considered that no different to some of our friends who also had one of the partners who worked away. It wasn't our forever home, however, although we thought it would be. We moved last year as we decided to downsize, still in the same county but nearer to the coast. Oh, and we also travel a lot!

You’re fine, ignore them. Unless you’re moving schools (which you’re not), in which case that wouldn’t be good for them.
I think it’s more likely they resent you doing so well. Why can’t you stay put and struggle like they all had to do? Some people love to think struggling on makes them superior. They hate seeing others managing to better their lives.

People dont seem to realise that they are in a very lucky position if they think tuisbys 'cruel' and havent had to move.

Many people have to move several times due to poverty, DV, illness etc and the kids just have to lump it. It isn't anything to do with anyone else how you live your life unless you are deliberately causing your kids significant harm, which moving house is not.

I was moved multiple times as a child (every time DF got a promotion, and we 'upgraded' to a better house). I hated it. I never felt like I had a proper 'home'. We never made amazing friends with the neighbours, or if we did then we had to leave them again. I was always very clear that I would not live like that as an adult and I don't think it's fair on the children. My DH and I prioritised buying our 'forever home' before we got pregnant. Unless anything unforeseeable happens we'll be here until retirement. Just my opinion based on my experience as a child.

Ignore them, and I say this as someone who has had a lot of upheaval in life and disliked it greatly- for bad reasons, not like yours.

Your hubby and you are working as a team and with fantastic results. Well done to both of you, so many couples fail to achieve it!

You're setting a great example of teamwork and hard work, and improving your kids quality of life at the same time. The haters are probably worried and jealous that you'll soon have a better quality of life than them!

As a child we moved house quite a few times, I always quite enjoyed the actual changing house. I think moving away from friends and family can be a bit disruptive, however a move in my teens to a different school really helped me improve my grades and leave behind some people I didn't get on with.

It's absolutely fine to move house as long as they don't have to change schools. Whatever house you are in will be a good and loving home for them as long as the four of you are there together. I think they would probably enjoy the novelty of moving house with the security of maintaining their school connection.

Ignore the busybodies at work and reassure your mum that the children will be fine and will benefit from own rooms/more space/quieter road or whatever is drawing you to the next house.

Thanks all been interesting reading the varied responses.

I wonder if the people criticising you are also in favour of landlords booting tenants out, because three house moves in eight years is naff all for anyone renting privately. At least you're choosing to do it with the aim of benefitting your children, as opposed to having to do it in order that a property speculator benefits.

I think there should be more social housing for those who need it, a reduction in private landlords getting rich off housing benefit and longer term tenancies to prevent people bring uprooted each time a landlord fancies a change.

Er, I’m an ex forces child. We moved house every 6-12 months for a period of years up until I was about 9. And they were sizeable moves, different county’s if not different country’s! If your children are loved and safe (which I’m sure they are) then it’s part of the adventure of early childhood. They don’t know any differently. Ignore. You do you xx

Your life, your children, your decision. Ignore them.

IF you think it is the right thing to do do, do it. IF you think they might have a point, think about whether you still feel it is the right thing to do.
But DON'T do something just because nosy people stick their noses in to your business!