Be brutally honest are we cruel parents or is my dm and older colleagues being ridiculous?

[Awbu]

In a nutshell me and Dh buy houses and renovate them while we live in them.
We have two dc 7 and 4.
Eldest has lived in 3 different houses, ds 2. This has meant we’ve be able to increase money in house from 15k to over 100k and move dc to a much better catchment school in last year.
Obviously it has been disruptive for the dc slightly we had to stay with family for 4 weeks during last renovation as walls knocked down etc.
We are hoping to do another one before we can buy our forever home (hate that term but a home we would stay in forever).
People at office all openly criticised this idea and accused me of being a cruel mum moving them from house to house (these moves btw have been from one village to another 2 miles away). They are all women in their late 50’s/60’s who have had one family home after marriage so I can see why this doesn’t seem ideal to them.
Anyway my dm has gone batshit today after I said we’d move depending on the effects on the market within a year- and accused me of the same ‘cruel to unsettle the children’,
I don’t get this every move has been better than the last more space for dc, nicer village etc but am I being harsh on the dc?

I think it would be 'not ideal' if they were moving schools and having to recreate friendships circles each time; as that's not the case here I don't think it would be that upsetting for them.

Like you say, children are pretty resilient and also fairly materialistic- I think if you couched it as moving for a nicer room/ garden/ place with a play room for them, they wouldn't be too bothered about it.

I would just ask them to be honest.

We moved lots when I was a kid (by the time I was 18 I’d done 10 house moves and 5 school moves). I always saw it as an adventure and still love new experiences and challenges. My younger brother HATED it and it still impacts on him today.
You know your kids, don’t listen to colleagues and other family members, listen to your kids. When the time comes, get them involved, show them what you would buy and what you would do to it and see if they’re up for it. If they don’t seem distressed, don’t worry what anyone else thinks

Don't worry about it. Just make sure your kids know they are loved and that they have their own voices in it... as in decorating bedrooms etc.

By the time I was 11 we had moved 14 times, I rarely completed a whole year on one school. We moved 3 times when I was in secondary, but there was transport available!

My parents forgot the reassurance. DSis and I still have some issues over self confidence and self worth.

Hmm, it does seem a rather odd way to live. It's more of a lifestyle choice, as opposed to an army family, who really have to move for the job. Definitely wouldn't call you cruel though! I think if there was no end in sight, then it would be a bit extreme. But if the next home is going to be one in which you settle permanently, then there's no harm done.

My DS lived in 7 different houses before he was 5.... including 2 continents and 3 countries and long distances between them.... we're in this house 7 years and hope one more local move in the next few years when we can afford a nicer house. He was used to it and actually asked when we were moving next when we were here about a year.... he's a happy and grounded child as he has happy parents etc... the last 4 moves were relatively local so no change in school needed... he's 12 now and it doesn't seem to have had I'll effects and remembers former houses fondly

@Awbu

Are your children healthy & happy!? Then what’s the issue?

Don’t listen to any of them. It’s jealousy. If you were not born rich, then your doing something to better your life.

Nothing wrong with that and your children will understand. They will also know the hard work it’s takes to get to a better place and will have that grounding from you as a parent. It’s a good thing to learn.

Anyone who is negative about, is just jealous that they don’t have what it takes to do it themselves. So they put you down to stop you from doing it as well.

Unfortunately parents are only humans. They are the same. Take it from someone who knows. I worked my arse off to be where I am.....you’d think friends and family would be happy for me.

FYI - The higher up you go, the more negativity you’ll receive. Sometimes from the people closest.

Swings & balances
Consistency matters
but you weigh it up with the positives

The children generally take the lead from the parents so I'd make your mind up first.
-if it's you and your dh s dream it is near impossible to not sound bias.

We moved 26 times before I was 18. I can remember different houses by my age when I think back.

What you're doing sounds fine, OP. Lots of people move house for all kinds of reasons without harming the children. Your kids sound perfectly happy.

There are plenty of children who get shipped around for far worse reasons. Why not speak to them? See how they feel, they may feel they just start to settle in and get good friends. Or they may love the adventure.

I'm 51, and between the ages of 0 - 15 my parents moved myself and my two brothers 16 times. That was all over the world, including long periods in what used to be called 3rd world countries. Between the ages of 9 to 12 we had no schooling.

We had to constantly give up schools, friends, pets, relatives. To this day I find it near impossible to settle and have close relationships with anyone. I'd been married and divorced twice before I was 34.

The only good thing I can say about my childhood was that I wasn't starved or beaten. The rest, the constant emotional stress is something I will never forgive my parents for. They also thought it was having little effect on us, they were very wrong.

We used to do this 20 odd years ago. Our 2 boys moved house every eighteen months right through school. They did however go to the same school from the age of 4 to 18 so not so much upheaval but they were often the scruffiest kids there, always covered in plaster dust or paint.

Your DC are little - they’ll be fine, even if you do move again and they change schools. Little kids adapt quickly - older ones have a much harder time.
With the old people at work, I’m their age. As long as they aren’t having to go through all the hassles of moving and upgrading a new home entail, what possible difference could it make to them whether or not you move? Ignore anyone who gives you a hard time and use your own best judgment and common sense.

From reading your subsequent posts I would say it's fine as the kids are ok with it, just make sure this is your last move and don't meddle with the schools and friendship groups.

My parents moved to a "better area" when I was 8 and as dramatic as it sounds my life literally fell apart.

All the other kids had their friendship groups and I was bullied non stop until I got to upper school. It had a long lasting impact so on that basis, yes, it can be unbelievably cruel.

Money is important but it's not everything so please listen to your kids and if you get the urge to invest again, either extend instead or buy a holiday investment instead.

we moved every two years for my husband's job from when my eldest was 3 till she was 15. Both girls thrived on the new environments , new friend , new countries (Far East for 10 years).

I would have loved this when I was younger, new house, new friends instead of the same horrible faces for 7 years in primary school.

I moved A LOT as a kid and I loved it. Lots of new bedrooms to choose and decorate. It wouldn’t have occurred to any of us that I was disadvantaged by this. We sometimes moved locally, sometimes further. Are parents just more sensitive and precious these days? Because I think kids are more resilient than they seem to be given credit for.

My parents did the exact same thing for financial reasons when I was younger. I’m 32 and we moved 9 times in about 15 years. As a result they’re now in their 50s and own both a £500k house and a villa in Spain outright with no mortgage so ultimately we all still benefit from the moves all these years later. Did it effect me? Not in the slightest. They took us to viewings, we got excited, chose our bedrooms and it was perfectly normal for us. We stayed at the same schools so it wasn’t a massive upheaval.
People can be such snowflakes and totally underestimate how adaptable children are.
You’re going to provide more security for your children in the long run so DO NOT doubt yourself now.

My dad was in the forces so we moved every three years. It did us no harm.

My brother is doing the same as you. On second home in dcs lives and both had so much renovation. They think they have one more move in them too. Moves don’t affect dcs schools. Longer term there will be more security as they will have better house with potentially smaller mortgage. I couldn’t do it as don’t have the skills or the drive but their house is coming along amazingly.

I don't appreciate such labels as 'snowflake'

I had to deal with my mother offloading all her emotional problems on me (because I was the only girl) from the age of 11. We spent 3 years in a hellish village in Bangladesh with no schooling, no friends, no television or english radio and no doctor for 200 miles. The only pet we had I witnessed being put to sleep by my father (he gassed it) because it got a serious stomach problem, couldn't eat and there was no vet for 500 miles. A great thing to go through at the age of 9, I don't think so.

My younger brother was so badly affected he had a heart attack when he was 30. He caught a rare stomach bug that wasn't properly treated for years.

Neither myself or my brothers have had children of our own.

Anyone who calls me a snowflake can go fuck themselves.

My 24 year old daughter had to put up with 9 moves in her childhood. Between countries at first and then 6 different houses in England. We never moved far from the prévoies house but as the family grew and out financial situation improved we just wanted more space, bigger gardens, etc... Her brother and sister only moved a couple of times. They are 11 and 16. None of them have had issues with the moved. In fact my oldest remembers each move fondly... the excitement of a new bedroom...we let her choose the the wall colour and them each time and she lived it! In the end you have to do what’s best for your family in the long run.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Don’t listen to the old witches, jealousy is a very ugly trait. I’m 55 we did exactly the same thing, I now have a fabulous home and both my children went to private school off the back of it. It also gave them a heads up on the property ladder. Kids are very adaptable.

@theprincessmittens, surely you can see the difference between what you describe and the OP moving house in the same village?

@theprincessmittens that escalated quickly, Sophie didn’t direct her comment at you personally. Calm down.

We rent and have lived in 5 houses in 14 years. All within same area.

My DDad was in the RAF, so we moved a lot when I was a kid, never spent more that 3 years in 1 place, and usually much less. I went to 8 differen5 primary schools!

The kids will cope. Ignore your DM and others - it will seem unusual to them as you say, but you are thinking of your family’s future and I say go for it!