Be brutally honest are we cruel parents or is my dm and older colleagues being ridiculous?

[Awbu]

In a nutshell me and Dh buy houses and renovate them while we live in them.
We have two dc 7 and 4.
Eldest has lived in 3 different houses, ds 2. This has meant we’ve be able to increase money in house from 15k to over 100k and move dc to a much better catchment school in last year.
Obviously it has been disruptive for the dc slightly we had to stay with family for 4 weeks during last renovation as walls knocked down etc.
We are hoping to do another one before we can buy our forever home (hate that term but a home we would stay in forever).
People at office all openly criticised this idea and accused me of being a cruel mum moving them from house to house (these moves btw have been from one village to another 2 miles away). They are all women in their late 50’s/60’s who have had one family home after marriage so I can see why this doesn’t seem ideal to them.
Anyway my dm has gone batshit today after I said we’d move depending on the effects on the market within a year- and accused me of the same ‘cruel to unsettle the children’,
I don’t get this every move has been better than the last more space for dc, nicer village etc but am I being harsh on the dc?

Hopefully I’ve not upset anyone with this thread that was not my intention just curious to gauge opinion. My friends generally think it’s a good idea but a lot of faff whereas at work and now dm is viewed very negatively hence the ‘cruel’ label.
When we’ve spoken to kids ds doesn’t mind either way and dd swings between I love this house to ‘but a bigger garden and bigger bedroom sounds good’ 😂
We wouldn’t move away from this school or village we really do love both.

As a child who was constantly moved yes YABU

Moving itself might not be too hard on them, but depends on the children. My dd would hate it, but I'm sure other children would be unbothered, especially as they're staying in the same area and school.

I think the constant renovation is probably more unsettling.

My mum and dad moved lots of times when I was in primary/junior school. I ended up having 7 different schools. I absolutely hated it and to this day can remember the horrible feeling of walking into a classroom of kids I didn't know and having to make friends all over again. I am now the exact opposite and have stayed in the same house for 21years as I didn't want to move my DS.

Do what is best for you, we have moved from several rented homes over the years and now in to my mums house for good. Our kids are fine 12 and 15.

I've done this - children now 6 and 8 and we have moved more than you.

They've not ever had to change nursery or school because of a move and we've always prioritised their bedrooms - over everything else.

They've lived in building sites with crap facilities/freezing cold but a lovely room to retreat to and have joined in with their dad building which has been a lot of fun at times.

We've now achieved the long term house which is amazing, the kids love it but are very clear they dont want to move again- we wont and dont need to but would also respect their feelings if we ever got excited over rightmove again!

YANBU. Moving house is annoying but I don’t think it’s a massive deal to young kids if they stay in the same school.

I had 10 moves during my childhood (all for my fathers work we was reposted both in England and Scotland) so I grew up moving ever 3-4 years. I had over 5 schools. There are many pros and cons to it. It was hard to keep making friends as I wouldn’t have them for long. But the distance your taking about means this shouldn’t be an issue.

You are doing what you think us right in the long term for you family, as did mine and I don’t resent them in anyway for it nor do I have any scars from it. It made me robust and able to adapt to change. Which I would say has been such an important skill acquired, especially in the currant climate.

I moved houses and schools loads of time - across much greater distances and I think it gave me certain skills, e.g. made me more adventurous and independent as a youg adult. That said my own kids have not moved around, and I think doing so after secondary is quite a lot to ask.

Plenty of children move a lot and don’t suffer greatly. In some ways they build resilience and learn to integrate into new groups quickly.
We moved five times before our eldest was eight and twice after that. She’s fine, confident, sociable, high achieving.
A good friend moved their six about twelve times, maybe more, from one end of the country to the other a few times. Her children are all extremely confident, bright and sociable.
Sometimes you have to do what’s necessary to build a good life for the family. What children need is a secure family.

Well we have moved a few times so no I don’t think it’s cruel at all, children adapt very easily,

I think moving houses is fine, especially at their ages, they'll likely see it as an adventure. I can't make a comment on changing schools, as my son had 3 different primary schools, because of varying factors, and he's predicted 9s (A*) in all his GCSEs, even with this years grading system

Excuse any or all commas in the wrong place(s) getting tired now!

My DM moved me and my sister around quite a bit after my parents divorce. 4 different houses in 3 years, all in different towns (the last was hundreds of miles) we were 11 and 9. It was exciting and fun at first, but then we would settle, get things how we wanted them, and then move again. It wasn't a great experience tbh

My parents did exactly the same thing, they started life in a horrible crumbling two bed home that cost them around 5k, and ended up with a beautiful farmhouse. Between my birth and the age of 12, we had moved 10 times!
I have to admit I only changed schools once, and this might be why once I started renting my own place, I knew it would more than likely be my forever home, and four children and 21 years later, I cannot envisage me moving, because I love the closeness of my village.
However, it didn't do me and my brother any harm, we loved moving, we loved the newness and making new friends while we were young, but I am very glad to be settled now!

It probably depends on the personality of the child. Just like adults, some will thrive on change and others will struggle.

I went to seven different primary schools as we moved around the world, there were good and bad things about it. I’d be embarrassed as an adult to still be whining about it or still claiming to have ‘never recovered’. A sure sign that some have really had very little adversity in their lives.

I wish we’d done this. £££
My cousin has three gorgeous children, one at school, 1at uni, 1at work. She has moved every 2-4 years throughout their lives.
She and DH just enjoy the excitement of anew home, all within the same county so only 1 school change. Her children have grown up fine, no problems at all.

As a child, my father’s job meant moving regularly through promotion. I had 7 schools and quite a few more houses. As parents ourselves we’ve also moved both for work reasons and financial ones and although the kids haven’t moved schools other than nursery/primary/secondary, they’ve also moved home, my eldest had moved 6 times by her early teens as we tried to find a place to settle and make our ‘forever home’. I personally learned to fit in quickly and adapt to new people, despite being pretty shy, and now my daughter is also perfectly resilient, confident and outgoing. We’ve also learned that home is ‘who’ surrounds us, not ‘what’ and we’re much less materialistic than some of my friends. Moving has meant we’re happier in other ways and now own our forever home outright and that gives us a sense of financial security we wouldn’t have had if we’d stayed where we started off. Life changes for all manner of reasons so it’s good your kids are experiencing change from an early age. As long as they are happy in other ways and your home life is otherwise content, happy and settled, where you live or how often you move doesn’t need to be a negative.

I was a forces brat and was moved every couple of years in primary school

It wasn't cruel - just dad earning a living

I think the key is not moving schools, and also depends on the personalities of the kids.

I lived in 7 different houses and went to 4 different primary schools – each school move was 100s of miles in distance and in all honesty I was absolutely miserable, always the new kid and never given the chance to build long lasting friendships. Even though we stayed at the same house and school from secondary school (literally moving 100s of miles the day before school started), the damage was done for me and I suffered from social anxiety, struggled to establish meaningful friendships and only really felt better in that regard in my late 20s. When buying my own house I was adamant on finding something where I wouldn't have to move any potential future children –due to my experiences it was the main factor in my search.

If you're planning on keeping them at the same school and same village so they'll still be near the same friends etc, I think that will make a massive difference. Also you know your kids best, and it sounds like they're not expressing any major worries. I wasn't talked to about any of our moves, just told it was happening, so at least you're having the conversation with them. Good luck with it all.

Moving house isn’t unsettling or cruel. Most kids move school at some point but too often would be unsettling, not cruel though.

When I was a kid we lived abroad but came back to the UK every two years for four months or so. In the country where we lived most of the time we moved three times before I was 10, plus we had the disruption of the regular visits back here where we enrolled in a local school for a term. Looking back, I can't say that I view any of it as being in the least cruel, and we all survived just fine.

Good for you for investing in property and moving up the ladder. I don’t think moving house is a big deal at all for children. Moving schools is a bit different. I went to lots of different schools and it didn’t bother me but I would still try to keep my DD’s schooling as consistent as possible.

Our family never moved... I was always desperate to move to a new home. Friends all did by the time they reached high school & I was so jealous! My parents often looked at houses & I would get so excited, but nope! We never moved. Not sure most dc’s like building sites though, could be very stressful for some.

All families are different, children need love care and stability. That doesn’t mean same house - can’t move. As long as the routine is consistent then your doing the best for your family. People are too quick to criticise what others are doing.
Just do what you and Dh have planned your children your life.