To call the police to my son's girlfriend's house?

[popsydoodle4444]

Currently sat in tears and absolutely raging.

My son turned 16 last Sunday.He has a girlfriend;they been together since last June.They haven't seen each other since March 15th.

As the lockdown rules about time outside has been relaxed slightly today I agreed he could ride his bike to a park halfway between ours and his girlfriends house to meet her the condition he observes social distancing.My stance was being able to see her from 2 meters away was being than seeing her via phone screen.

About an hour ago I noticed his bike was still here so I called him to which the little shit has admitted he's at his girlfriends house and her mum picked him up around the corner from our house.

I am angry beyond belief right now.We've been shielding as my 13 year daughter has health issues including a heart condition.

There are 6 people in his girlfriends house,2 are still out working and his girlfriends stepdad has still been having his kids over every other weekend.The risk in their household is quite high.

I'm fuming my son has broken lockdown and put his sisters health at risk undoing all our hard work since March and that his girlfriend and her mum have also aided him in breaking lockdown rules.I currently think his girlfriends mother is a cunt for coming to pick my son up knowing he shouldn't be in a car with her and her daughter let alone in her house 😡😡😡😡.

Sorry to derail the thread but I read upthread that @Lipz has lost 5 people to Covid19.
Gosh that is so sad. My sympathy to you.

This attitude that teenagers can't be expected to control themselves and behave rationally are in fact so at the mercy of their hormones that it's ridiculous to even suggest that they rein themselves does nothing to help the teenagers themselves.

(I wasn't out of control as a teen. I guess I really am special!)

But yes, in hindsight OP clearly shouldn't have allowed her son to go visit his girlfriend, since he's evidently not mature enough to follow the house rules, even when it means risking his sister's life.

(The tent is a great idea!)

*rein themselves in

So it looks like he can't come home.

Suggest you call the mother and say you're so sorry but it looks like she has an extra mouth to feed.

I dont understand the posts that say he could have fed the GFs mum a load ofies about being allowed to. The GF mum shouldn't have allowed it surely.

I think you were naive to say he could meet her to be honest (and he's been massively selfish), I have literally just spoken to my friend about this, we went for a walk (2m apart) and her teen daughter found out and wanted to do the same with her friend. She told her that she can't as that she would find it too hard to keep her distance and that it was maybe better she didnt. It makes sense, it was hard enough for us, I just wanted to give my friend a big hug but we were really careful, it isn't a natural thing to do so for teens and their impulsive nature it's near on impossible.

He's blown his chance, I am usually for allowing teens 16+ to have plenty of freedom and to learn from their mistakes but I feel the situation right now is more important than that and is not the time for them to be making these mistakes.

You need a socially distanced conversation in the garden with him when he drags his sorry arse home.

(I'm going to assume that calling the police and describing his girlfriend's mother as a cunt was very much a heat of the moment post, to be regretted).

I'd be asking what his solutions are now. He needs to take responsibility for protecting his sister, how does he think he can do that?

OP, I am nearly 50 and seeing my long-term partner only via a screen is a non-starter for me - so it beats me how anyone might think teenagers would be happy to meet for half an hour at a 2-metre distance.

Your son shouldn't have done it. However, crying and raging and referring to the girlfriend's mother a cunt is a huge bit of an overreaction.

I don't know what the solution is, though. The best thing would be for him to feel guilty, as that would make him less likely to do it again. Raging at him will just make him angry and more likely to re-offend, but more sneakily.

Retribution achieves very little. You can't undo what is done. But for the sake of the future, you have to work out a 'punishment'/sanction which will prevent him from doing it again. You as his mother are best placed to know what this would be.

FWIW, it is statistically and rationally as good as certain that your DS hasn't on this particular occasion done anything which puts his sister at risk (though I can understand your fear - I'd feel the same).

Actions beget consequences. The consequences must fall on him and not his sister.

If he cannot be TOTALLY isolated in your house (including bathroom/toilet) to shield his sister, then it would be foolhardy for him to return. I'd pack a bag for him and the fool of a woman can come fetch it. She get's the consequences of her actions too.

Call him back and isolate him fully In one room or get him to stay there. Your son is 16, he should no better but the adults at the girlfriends house should know even better. Idiots.

Tell him to stay there!

Frighten the shit out of his girlfriend's mother, and him.

I think the key thing for me is just how at risk your other child is. I expect perfection from myself in times of crisis but not from others. If they are endangering someones life though there should be consequences.

Does the GF mum know how vulnerable your DD is?

Clearly your DS cannot come home now. I would have contacted him and explained this. What have you actually done?

Come on, you were an absolute idiot to think a boy his age was going to stay 2m away from his gf at the park anyway. They'd have been snogging all afternoon, so the risk is pretty much unaltered by him going there instead.

I would tell him to stay there as he obviously cant come home now.

If/when he comes home he must self-isolate.
The girlfriend's mother is a disrespectful idiot.

Make sure he has a right good old scrub down when he comes in and tell him to stay away from your daughter for a couple of days. Then tell him he's not to do it again.

He isolates for 7 days and is not to go round to meet the girl till lockdown is lifted. Make sure the girls mum is aware that your dd is being shielded, be calm.

She's the perpetrator of this and tell her exactly what position she has put your daughter in and how dare she conspire behind your back. What she has done is absolutely disgusting.

I agree you should phone her and ask her what the bloody hell...?

He's a teenage boy, it's way too abstract for him to fully understand the risks

Nah, I have 3 teenage boys and they are perfectly able to understand. You are doing a disservice to teenagers by saying this, they're not stupid.

I agree with the others, OP - stick him in a tent when he gets back, little shit.

You'll look a complete idiot if you call the police...

"My 16 year old son is at his girlfriend's house" .... arrest him?

Seriously calm down - calling people cunts will make you look ridiculous. When he comes home maybe from a distance explain your worries and suggest that he needs to distance from sister in his room for 14 days to keep her safe.
Everybody walking around doesn't have Covid-19 - check if any of the household have any symptoms at all and if so act accordingly.

You sound insane

You have every right to be angry but I’m flabbergasted that you thought that this was a police matter. Seriously why are people so incapable of parenting these day without calling the police.

So your sons gfs mom is a cunt but he isnt? How do you know he didnt ask her to pick him up on the corner because you said it is ok? Its been 2 months. Thats a very long time not to have physical or close contact with someone so i understand why he did it and dont blame him. By all means tell him to come home and isolate in his room for a week or 2 but the tent suggestions and staying at hers are stupid and very short sighted unless you intentionally want to damage the relationship with your 16 year old forever by kicking him out. He wont see it as short term he will forever see that as his own mother kicking him out of his home. As for the tent and bucket to shit in as per pp posts just no thats abuse. You cant deny a 16 year old child their bed and a bathroom. Just use common sense and clean the bathroom more or gethim to.

He’s a teen, sometimes they are far from prefect. He’s not the first and won’t be the last teen to lie.
This situation is new, and really tough on young ones.

Sat crying?? Are you quite alright?

When he comes home talk to him explain why your annoyed and that he now will not be allowed to see the girlfriend until lockdown is lifted as his proven he can’t be trusted
If you must once his home make him shower and wash his clothes

Folks telling the OP to calm down - shut up. I'd be furious too given the fact that she's shielding someone with a heart problem.

That's a big bloody deal.

OP, tell your son he can't come back to the house and he has to stay with his GF, and let her mother deal with him. You can't risk having him back inside.

garden? Tent? Bucket?

sorted. take food and drinking water out to him and all the clothing he needs. He can come back in the house in 7 days if symptom free. Daily (separate) buckets of water for washing and teeth cleaning. He can manage without showers for that long.

it's May and luckily for him the frost is just stopping. Consequences.

if you don't have a garden, he doesn't come home. He will have spent the afternoon with his tongue down the girlfriend's throat (at the least) so it is a risk.