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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police to my son's girlfriend's house?

319 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 16/05/2020 15:29

Currently sat in tears and absolutely raging.

My son turned 16 last Sunday.He has a girlfriend;they been together since last June.They haven't seen each other since March 15th.

As the lockdown rules about time outside has been relaxed slightly today I agreed he could ride his bike to a park halfway between ours and his girlfriends house to meet her the condition he observes social distancing.My stance was being able to see her from 2 meters away was being than seeing her via phone screen.

About an hour ago I noticed his bike was still here so I called him to which the little shit has admitted he's at his girlfriends house and her mum picked him up around the corner from our house.

I am angry beyond belief right now.We've been shielding as my 13 year daughter has health issues including a heart condition.

There are 6 people in his girlfriends house,2 are still out working and his girlfriends stepdad has still been having his kids over every other weekend.The risk in their household is quite high.

I'm fuming my son has broken lockdown and put his sisters health at risk undoing all our hard work since March and that his girlfriend and her mum have also aided him in breaking lockdown rules.I currently think his girlfriends mother is a cunt for coming to pick my son up knowing he shouldn't be in a car with her and her daughter let alone in her house 😡😡😡😡.

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/05/2020 16:12

Yabu about calling the police.

Yanbu about the mother or your son Selfish behaviour.

vanillandhoney · 16/05/2020 16:16

YABU to consider calling the police.

YANBU to be annoyed with your son. I wouldn't bring the GF's mother into it though - your son is old enough to say no.

boredtotears11 · 16/05/2020 16:17

I wouldn’t call the police but only because the police don’t seem certain of the rules. The police would probably quite happily get involved, it’s the sort of incident they seem to relish.

imsooverthisdrama · 16/05/2020 16:17

I currently think his girlfriends mother is a cunt for coming to pick my son up knowing he shouldn't be in a car with her and her daughter let alone in her house
your son is in the wrong but what teenage would argue with a adult. He probably thought wrongly that well she thinks it's ok so it must be .
She should know better to not even think this she's a adult .
I think you need to calm down , tell him to get home and not to do it again .

It's hard for younger people especially they are happy to take the risks and they are selfish at that age .
2 months is a long time to not see anyone .

CuppaZa · 16/05/2020 16:20

He can stay there then can’t he. What a bunch of twats

totallyoverthisbullshit · 16/05/2020 16:22

Firstly, calm down. Nothing is going to be achieved by losing your temper. Have half an hour, have a brew or a stiff drink to settle your nerves and then game plan - you don't have to be angry to mean business.

Secondly, call your son and tell him to put the girlfriend's mother on the phone. She's the perpetrator of this and tell her exactly what position she has put your daughter in and how dare she conspire behind your back. What she has done is absolutely disgusting.

Thirdly, inform her and your son he will be staying at their house or he will be self isolating for a fortnight in his room.

This needs consequences, OP. If he gets away with this once, he'll do it again and again.

This isn't just about breaking isolation; this is a sheer lack of respect for both you and for his family that needs stamping out. Make this the incident he looks back on in ten years as the time Mum absolutely tore him a new arsehole.

Rockdown2020 · 16/05/2020 16:22

I’m with @YukoandHiro. You need to get him home now and make sure he self isolates for two weeks.

Really surprised at the other parents disregard for your family’s situation.

Notverygrownup · 16/05/2020 16:22

Have you got a tent OP? Ds wondered aloud whether he could meet a friend? I pointed out that his tent and a sleeping bag would be available to him to self isolate afterwards. I would have followed through.

CuppaZa · 16/05/2020 16:22

What makes it especially selfish and disgusting is the fact you have another child that is shielding. Can not fathom how the brains on some people work

Cam2020 · 16/05/2020 16:24

I'd been extremely angry with the girl's mother and disappointed in my son. I really don't think calling the police will help but I'd definitely be having a word with the girl's parents. Even if they are unaware that you're shielding, it was so sneaky of her mum to pick your son up round the corner from you.

Biscuitbiscuits · 16/05/2020 16:24

But how do you know he didn't say to GF mum "DM says I'm allowed to come round, it's fine".

Rockdown2020 · 16/05/2020 16:24

Oh and ask the mum to drop him back. You can’t care for your daughter if you collect him.

IHaveBrilloHair · 16/05/2020 16:26

Im shielding, and I wouldn't treat my daughter like that, in fact I haven't, when she needed me she came over, and she's a teenager too.

Legoandloldolls · 16/05/2020 16:26

I dont think I would be as upset as you are, but angry - yes considering your dd. Can he not stay there? Mind you I wouldnt be happy with that either as I wouldnt want be a situation where they could be sharing a bed at 16 as a ongoing thing. But my 16 year old is year 11. I'm not ready for that ( not against him having sex per say, just dont want to be saying "share a bed for weeks on end with my full blessing" either) tricky this age as they are almost adults but not quite

WickedlyPetite · 16/05/2020 16:27

admitted he's at his girlfriends house and her mum picked him up around the corner from our house

Yeah he knew exactly what he was doing, otherwise why didn't he arrange for the mum to pick him up from outside your house?

I don't know, I would probably be tempted to present him with a tent, sleeping bag, bucket and a toilet roll in the back garden when he gets home . Lucky for him the weather is supposed to be ok for the next few days.

Sodamncold · 16/05/2020 16:29

Unless your key worker husband and daughter have lived elsewhere- you really have not been “shielding”.

Every day you have been exposed to two people in very close proximity who have been presumably surrounded by people.

So i think you need to calm down. He was daft and irresponsible but really... 16. Everything turned upside down for him. I’m not the least bit surprised he was reckless

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/05/2020 16:30

Also OP, I have a son who is shielding, the whole household does not have to shield hiwever it’s a misconception that whole household have to shield also.

However you do have to take precautions if their is a vulnerable person within the home.

Roselilly36 · 16/05/2020 16:31

He has broken your trust and acted selfishly, I have a teen son (18) is really wants to see his girlfriend, but hasn’t, as I am shielding until end of June. Please don’t involve the police though. Flowers

Sodamncold · 16/05/2020 16:32

I’m going to take a punt here and suggest that you have a very difficult relationship with your son’s girlfriends mother and you’re using this as an excuse to really get on your high horse.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/05/2020 16:32

Have you contacted his girlfriend’s mother directly? She was obviously in on the act if she hid around the corner.

Moondust001 · 16/05/2020 16:32

I do kind of agree that you need to calm down. Your reaction isn't changing anything and it isn't helping anyone, least of all your daughter.

Yes, he is "old enough" to know better, but unfortunately teenagers do not have a fully developed their prefrontal cortex ( and the process appears to start earlier in girls than boys), and use their amygdala to govern their actions. In other words, yes his brain might know he shouldn't have done this on an intellectual level, but his emotions are actually the part of the brain that control his actions. Sorry - it's just human nature, and you aren't alone in having unruly teenagers.

In my experience, being cool rather than angry makes your point much better. When he gets home he goes straight to his room - no discussion, no argument. And he stays there for at least seven days. And once he is there, you explain rationally and calmly why he is there and the risk that he has created for his sister, and the possibility that he could cause her to be very sick or worse. You make it clear that this is not the punishment for disobeying you - this is the consequence of disobeying you. He must stay in his room to protect his sister. That is an emotive argument, and one that appeals to the amygdala far more than ranting, raving and punishment.

Given that the amygdala is about emotions, this will give him seven days in which to stew on his own behaviour - he'll most likely kick himself far more than you ever could. And that's part of the painful process of growing up. Nothing you could do to him could be worse than his coming to his own realisation about the risk he has taken with his sisters health.

TheCanterburyWhales · 16/05/2020 16:33

Your son is old enough at 16 both to know exactly what the risks are to his sister, and to do as he's told.
Your anger is misplaced. Your son lied to you and went against your express instructions. He probably told the other family it wasn't a problem for you.
The police aren't going to be interested in helping you parent him.

OntheWaves40 · 16/05/2020 16:34

was rudeness100 taken 😂😂

BananaPop2020 · 16/05/2020 16:34

Call the Police 😮😮😮 really? That’s a gross overreaction.

Feedingthebirds1 · 16/05/2020 16:34

Unless your key worker husband and daughter have lived elsewhere- you really have not been “shielding”.

Every day you have been exposed to two people in very close proximity who have been presumably surrounded by people.

Unless you're taking this from another thread by the OP, she hasn't said anything about her husband or daughter (other than the one who is vulnerable). She has described the situation in the girlfriend's house.

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