To ask if you would judge someone for being single and pregnant

[Siablue]

If you knew a single woman who was going to go have a baby would you judge her? Would you make any assumptions about her situation if she was happy to pregnant? Would you ask her who the father was (if this was someone you knew but were not close to)?

I know it sound shocking, but had it crossed your mind that people form their opinions based on research ?

I'm sure that you're wildly popular in life, as you share links to ScienceGate with formula-feeding mothers, single parents, adopted children, and their parents, parents with poor MH, impoverished parents, and anyone else shown by research to have less-than-ideal outcomes for their children.

I’ve got no idea. I honesty can’t think of a time it’s come up. As I said generally I just call people by their names rather than their relationship status.

I think you are deliberately being obtuse, it comes up in conversations, considering we are not just talking about your friends and family. For example I’ve had to explain to the school I’m a single/lone parent when they’ve asked about DC dad.

Vellum if they did share links to anything that would be an impovement of just claiming that all the research shows something and expecting us to agree with them.

@PumpkinP ive been asked that. Bitch. I should have said, same dad why? do yours have different dads?

No. Absolutely not.

So many reasons why this could be a positive thing.

I am in my 50s and very at some of the horrible old fashioned ideas that have been posted on this thread.

ChaiLatteWithStevia I don’t know why but it’s such a common assumption isn’t it? I have 4 so you can imagine people love to assume they all have different fathers. Not that there is anything wrong with it but it’s clearly asked in a negative judgemental way. Mind you I also get asked if they are “all mine” a lot as well

@NikeDeLaSwoosh - that’s not true that studies show children are better off with two parents. Many studies show that once correlation factors such as poverty Are taken out there’s no difference between children of two parent families and single parent families. In fact if you look at single parents where the parents have never been together, the children have particularly favourable outcomes.

Let’s be honest- your attitude is just snobbery rather than any concern for children.

@OneandTwenty

Yeah, these careless women whose husbands die.. should have thought about that before they had kids shouldn't they.

As I said generally I just call people by their names rather than their relationship status

Nobody is suggesting they're calling themselves MarieSingleParent.

Just at times in a natural conversation it might well come up.

If I'm being honest - which presumably you are asking for honest opinions and not just ones which agree with your own views - yes I would judge

I don't think it's fair to raise a child in a deliberately single parent household - obviously for those whose suffer bereavement or relationship break down (except the ones who were together 5 minutes!) then it's different

Most studies show that children raised without a father are at a disadvantage but it's an inconvenient truth for a lot of women who feel that having a baby via pregnancy is their right above any future implications for a child

Most studies show that children raised without a father are at a disadvantage

And what are the other factors involved in those particular children?

Honestly for me it would depend a lot on circumstances, same as any other pregnancy.
Baby as a result of an affair, I've seen the life long impact on the baby so Id judge that.
Mother in unstable housing, low income and minimal support, again id question if that was really in the best interests of the dc.
Stable, career sorted single woman with good support network, I can see that working well.
For me it is the same as couples, some are well placed to have dc and some aren't.

I’m a single mum. I consider myself a single mum as I’m single and have children. My dds dad is involved with them but lives quite far away. So I’m a single mum.

I don’t judge anyone for being a single mum and pretty disgusted that some people still do. Also what I find especially sad, is single mums judging other single mums or making out that they are better or more worthy or moral because they are widowed or divorced.

I’m a never married single mum of 2. I’m a wealthy self made professional who lives in a naice area and ensures my children get the best education. I can afford to help my dds with university cost and to get on the property ladder. My children are not going to be suffering any poor outcomes.

Despite that tho I still get lots of weird comments about how I can afford things, etc. But I absolutely don’t care what small minded types think.

I wouldn't judge and I definitely wouldn't ask who the father is. I might wonder but I'd never ask.

Also my daughters do have a dad and we both make an effort to maintain a good friendship after our relationship was over. My dds don’t remember us living together and so they are unaware that it’s not the norm. They have a good relationship with both of us

@midwestsummer the things you have listed aren’t for you to worry about. I disagree even people who have a child from an affair can live a wonderful life. What sort of nonsense and era are you living in. Facts is a lot of us don’t intend to be single mothers it does happen for various reasons. People are rude and need to mind their own business.
I travel a lot with my DC and the amount of people that ask me about my “husband”.... he could of died a week ago. Unless you know somebody personally and the full circumstances we shouldn’t be judgemental.

Most studies show that children raised without a father are at a disadvantage

Please show me all the studies and then that 'most' show children without a father are at a disadvantage in life. By far the majority of academic stuff I have read on single parenting shows that for by the majority of children of single parents families, outcomes are broadly in line with those of two parent families. In other words, some children of single parent families don't do so well in life. But then neither do some children of two parent families. Educational outcomes are based on maternal education so given that the majority of single parents are women, that doesn't change anything at all for the majority of children. More likely to live in poverty if in a single parent household - I'll give you that - but there are still two parent families living in poverty and other factors such as parental illness, disability, mental health, drug use etc. all impact on outcomes.

So please, direct me to these majority studies and let's have a look at what it means for children in single parent households.

No I wouldn’t judge. If she didn’t have a previous relationship that I knew about I would be very curious about the father, whether it was planned etc but wouldn’t ask either of those questions but just hope she would tell me herself!

I was raised by a single parent however it's a fact that every single study ever conducted shows that children with two involved parents have far better outcomes than those that dont. There amber obviously always exceptions, however the facts speak for themselves. It's not just about finance, (although that plays a big part) it's the emotional resource that to people can provide versus one as well, including fathers role modelling for young boys and mother for young girls etc.

At the end of the day it's a free country and people can do what they want, however to pretend that being a single parent doesnt impact your child in any way is wrong.

No I wouldn't judge, no I would make zero assumptions (although I would of course wonder and be curious, who wouldnt be?), and no I definitely would not ask who the father was.

@PumpkinP I think you are deliberately being obtuse I think you’re being a bit of a dick but who’s to say.

When asked what my sisters husband does, I’d say “I don’t really know they’re divorce” that is in all honesty a bit “obtuse” as I know exactly what he “does” I just don’t like talking about him because he’s arse. I can’t honestly remember ever feeling moved to tell anyone someone’s marital status when their child was born or if they are with someone. Sort inconveniently reality, but do go ahead imagining this is a really big deal for everyone you meet.

I dont agree with using sperm or egg donors. If they were in a relation or even unplanned pregnancy i wouldnt judge them because sometimes its actually harder parenting with a shit partner than alone.
I wouldnt judge either that they dont have money or a place because there will come a time when they give back to society and i dont believe in aborting for finances. Money comes and goes.

Well believe it or not Itisbetter it comes up in conversation and you would be surprised about how many people actually ASK.

Wilberforce its conceivable to have your first and be pregnant with the second and decide to separate or partner dies and thats how you become a single mum of one and pregnant with the second 🙄