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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to leave the dog?

200 replies

gottamove · 15/05/2020 11:07

Bit long but trying to get all the info in.

So my partner got me a puppy for Christmas. We didn’t discuss getting a dog. Other than when we were talking about our 10 bedroom house we were going to get when we won the lottery and one of the rooms would be for the dog lol. I never thought it was realistic in general considering we’re living in his parents house. And plus I already had a dog when I was younger that my mum gave away so didn’t want another one unless I was really able to have one, which I’ve told my partner.

Our plan was to always move out this year and now I’m pregnant we definitely need to move. Not only for our own space but because his parents smoke in the house. I wasn’t bothered about it pre pregnancy but now I really need to leave.

So, not to sound ungrateful, my partner got the dog without asking me (but I guess then it wouldn’t have been a surprise) and how it’s worked out is I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right? Anyway struggled with training him from day one (he just doesn’t listen) and he gets bored easily as he’s not allowed to roam the house as my partners parents have two cats who didn’t know what a dog was until he came and they really don’t like him. I can’t ‘roam’ either as I like to stay in my room away from the smoke. And now I’m always sick and tired with being 6 months pregnant and having bad morning sickness. Basically he’s become a bit of a nuisance which I knew would happen if we got a dog now.

I said to my partner if we found a place that is perfect (location, money, space etc) but doesn’t allow pets then I’m moving without the dog as not only is the place good but my child’s health is more important than the dog. Him and his parents think I’m crazy. They all think we should stay where we are for a couple years save a bit more then move. But they’re not willing to stop smoking in the house (which is fine as it’s their house) so I’m not willing to stay. Time is going fast so might even have to move to any place rather than the ‘perfect one’.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave the dog? I’m not heartless, I will feel extremely bad if I have to not take him with us but I need to get out of here ASAP.

OP posts:

VerityB1 · 15/05/2020 15:10

People that a cruel or thoughtless to animals, generally make rubbish parents or unable to look after anything properly in their control.

You need to find a caring home for that poor dog or handover to RSPCA or Dog Trust.

I would worry very much that your DP is going to be the sort of father and role model a baby/child/teen/young adult needs ... he wont be able to handover the baby so easily ... or maybe he will ... all to you.

Flitterwings · 15/05/2020 15:14

although you didn’t ask for the dog, you sound completely heartless

No she fucking doesn’t. She was lumbered with the dog and by all accounts has done her absolute best in difficult circumstances while her DP does bog all and it’s just not working. Rehoming is the right thing to do. I’m sorry you’re getting all the flack for your DPs irresponsible actions and behaviour.

Find somewhere for you and baby, rehome the dog responsibly and good luck to you x

Bubblysqueak · 15/05/2020 15:27

Pm'd you .

myself2020 · 15/05/2020 15:47

Find a home for the dog. you didn’t ask for it, don’t feel guilty! if some would have dumped a horse on your doorstep, you wouldn’t feel obliged to keep it? or a ferret?
Also consider dumping the partner though...

Glenthebattleostrich · 15/05/2020 16:15

Second the cockapoo owner club rescue on Facebook. They are amazing.

Cockapoos are brilliant but incredibly hard work. I say this as someone who has had rescues all her life. Mine is almost 2 and just starting to behave herself after months of work with behaviourist and trainer. She's a shouty madam who has taken 16 months to get any kind of recall into. She's bloody hard work but that's what I signed up for.

Scarlettpixie · 15/05/2020 16:32

The facebook group sounds like a good idea. Failing that try local foster based rescues. That way he will go straight into a home rather than kennels. They will have no difficulty rehoming him and will do the necessary checks. If you are in the midlands (or within a reasonable distance) I can recommend Yappy Ever After Dog Rescue.

Majorcollywobble · 15/05/2020 16:38

Bad situation and not of your making . As the dog was bought for you as a surprise he’s yours to rehome and it’s up to you to do the right thing by him . You need to move that’s for sure . Don’t leave him there in the parents house where he will be breathing in second hand smoke himself . He’s only young still . Contact Dog’s Trust for help - run it past them - they shouldn’t be judgmental as you’ve been placed in an awful position .

Costacoffeeplease · 15/05/2020 16:56

Jeez the message just isn’t getting through to twats is it? A dog is for life not just for Christmas!

Rehome the dog responsibly now, ditch the twat, and get away from him and his shitty family ASAP

BubblyBarbara · 15/05/2020 19:54

I couldn't care less about an animal but I looked after my children just fine. Having a non human animal in the house is not even vaguely comparable to a child and Gift from God.

fascinated · 15/05/2020 19:55

Don’t guilt OP. It’s not her fault.

It’s a dog fgs.

Costacoffeeplease · 15/05/2020 19:57

Yes it’s a dog, a living, breathing sentient being
‘Just a dog’ jeez

Alsohuman · 15/05/2020 20:15

Having a non human animal in the house is not even vaguely comparable to a child and Gift from God

My son most definitely isn’t a gift from God! I couldn’t love my little terrier more if she was human, she’s much nicer than most humans.

Cherrysoup · 15/05/2020 20:27

Do what @grumpyorange says, sound advice. Get it re-homed through a cockerpoo specialist. He’ll be snapped up, people are weird about that mix.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 15/05/2020 22:12

Having a non human animal in the house is not even vaguely comparable to a child and Gift from God.

I never knew that there was such a thing as a human animal. What’s that then? As for a Gift From God, Nope. Sit down. There’s something I need to tell you. When a man and woman love each other or just want a shag and have a special hug, he puts his......

Noconceptofnormal · 15/05/2020 22:24

You both sound very immature. Take some responsibility OP. Obviously your boyfriend shouldn't have bought you a dog as a present, but why on earth did you accept it. Why did you not return it to where it came from the next day?

What a shit situation for the poor animal, I expect shelters are over run at the moment. But it's your responsibility to find it a decent home, if you give it a shelter please give them a bloody generous donation to make up for being in this foolish situation.

Daphnise · 15/05/2020 22:28

I feel sorry for the dog- but not for you.

Just do the right thing and re-home the dog urgently.

Pogmella · 15/05/2020 23:06

If you want a dog in future you’d be better off getting an actual pedigree or a rescue. These designer cross breeds are really often from puppy farms.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 15/05/2020 23:22

I haven't RTFT.

But fucking hell. You want to "leave" a poor defenceless animal with other people? Why can't you just take him to a rehoming centre... is it that difficult?

I'm happy to take the dog, just FYI.

Franticbutterfly · 15/05/2020 23:48

I'd call the dogs trust, now isn't the right time for you to have a dog. Please don't feel guilty

Fizzingsherbert · 08/06/2020 08:32

Any update on the dog OP?

Malbecblooms · 08/06/2020 08:40

Aren't you two just a bundle of responsibility. Having a kid with no where to live, not married, exposing yourself to smoke whilst pregnant and now dragging up a poor puppy that you don't mind abandoning.

I could cry for that little dog. It needs good training (it's not that the dog isn't listening, it's the way you are teaching. My dog trainer always said that to me when mine was a pup), plenty of exercise when it's old enough & owners who understand how to work with its breed specific characteristics. I detest people getting a dog that won't be walked,trained, disciplined ( I mean that in a sense of it understands its boundaries and is well behaved. I only ever train puppies on positive reinforcement).

labazsisgoingmad · 08/06/2020 08:58

personally the dog sounds like he has a miserable life anyway not allowed to be in parts of the house due to the cats i think you should find him a decent home with people that will treat him right

Thehop · 08/06/2020 09:01

How did you get on with revoking OP?

Thehop · 08/06/2020 09:01

Sorry, rehoming

notmycuppa · 08/06/2020 09:51

You should have no problem rehoming a well cared for young dog. We homed an older traumatised shih-poo from a rescue centre and it's taken years to settle him but yours sounds like a perfect dog for someone with more time and space. My now ex wanted to get a dog when I was pregnant but luckily I found out beforehand as it would have been terrible timing then. You sound like you will be a great mum

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